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This is a long story, but I think it's relevant, so bear with me.

My father's parents divorced when he was a young boy and he never saw his mother again. Several years after they had both died, I was bitten by the genealogy bug and spent a lot of time, money and effort uncovering her origins.

My father's mother (M) was born in a Salvation Army Maternity Home. I learned that her mother (T) had left her father (J) while heavily pregnant with twins. (She ran off with a sweet-talking scoundrel, leaving her husband and a three-year-old daughter behind.)

My father's mother (M) was raised by a great-uncle and his wife in a different country (just over the border). Her mother (T) and father (J) never divorced but each eventually settled down with new common-law spouses and the children of those unions believed their parents to be married.

With the help of another (amateur) family researcher, I eventually made contact with one of J's grandsons; he was the son of J's son from his second "marriage." This grandson was happy to share some info with me, because he was curious. He reached out to his aunt (J's daughter) and she was okay with me phoning her once or twice. This aunt sent him some photos and he sent me copies of them, which was amazing.

However, the grandson's father (J's son; my deceased father's half-uncle) didn't want to talk to me. In fact, he didn't want to hear anything about it. This was before I figured out that T had actually walked out on J; at the time, we all assumed that J (the husband) had been the one who walked out on his pregnant wife (T), and J's son didn't want to hear anything that contradicted the extremely positive experiences he'd had with his father.

So, that's one reason why some people might not respond to queries.

This was before the advent of online DNA databases for genealogy purposes. The paper trail was sketchy. I was seeking proof that my father's mother (M) was the biological child of her mother's husband (J). I found documentation on the sketchy boyfriend that seemed to prove he wasn't my biological grandfather but I was really hoping for something solid.

Several years after making contact with J's grandson, I saw an online obit for the grandson's father (my deceased father's half-uncle). A photo was included with the obit and, in my opinion, there is a definite resemblance to my father; however, that isn't proof. Unfortunately for me, none of the descendants from J's second "marriage" seem to have done DNA testing, so I haven't been able to confirm it that way (the spelling of their surname is unique to that branch of the family, so it should be easy enough to find).

Here's my two cents, for what it's worth.

In my experience, it can be most productive to start with your grandmother and any records that are connected to her. These might include (if they exist): birth certificate(s); adoption papers; baptism record(s); adoptive/foster family recollections; marriage record; death record; etc. If you have her date of birth, you could search for a birth notice in the local newspaper.

In terms of searching for this Alexander Brown, have you searched for an obit for him in the local newspapers? Have you sent queries to the local cemeteries and funeral homes? Have you asked the local libraries if he appears in any city directories (which might list his home address and possibly his wife)? Since you know he died in 1920, it's possible that his widow would have been in the city directory at the same address in 1921 or 1922.

Good luck in your search.

Hi, Helen. I understand how upsetting this can be.

In today's copy/paste era, if your tree is public, this type of thing is bound to happen. If you've shared any genealogy with anyone anywhere in any way, whether on paper through the mail or via email, etc., there's an extremely high likelihood that you will see it in an online tree.

I don't have a public tree but every well-researched (and self-funded) family tree that I have shared with cousins has been posted online to their own trees without them asking permission, with the rare exception of one distant cousin who has put my data into her private tree (with my knowledge).

Here's something that happened to me. My brother and I did our DNA tests and I uploaded an extremely basic, short tree to Ancestry for both of us. It was public for a short time. In that time, someone sent a PM to my brother because they have a very distant cousin match. (We're in Canada, this man is in the US.) I responded, because although this man and I don't have a match, I'm managing my brother's DNA results.

This man could only see my public, very basic tree, and I didn't name my parents, so I thought my privacy would be preserved. Unfortunately, due to my other cousins uploading my research, and then many other people copying and pasting it into their trees, this man in the US was able to connect their trees with my grandparents. He informed me (correctly) that he had figured out that my father was one of the two sons of so-and-so. This upset me a great deal and I promptly made my basic tree private.

This man is guessing that we are related through one particular family line, although he hasn't been able to research our families that far back (and neither have I). This would make him a distant relative through my mother. Over time, this man has copied and pasted both my mother's and my father's extensive lines (including every side branch he can find) from various copy/pasters on Ancestry. Why he feels a need to add my father's family to his tree, I have no idea. He has labelled everything to do with my family with my brother's initials. He has no idea how we're related but he seems to be intent on hoovering up every relative of mine that he can find.

This is how people end up with 60,000 people in their online trees.

I've come to the realization that, if I don't want something proliferating all over the internet with no credit or thanks to me, and with no way for serious researchers to contact me, I can't share it with anyone. It's a real conundrum for me and I still haven't figured out how to feel good about the situation with the online free-for-all copy/paste brigade. I hope you are able to sort it out for yourself and feel better soon.

One of my brothers and I did the DNA test and I manage them both.

I haven't been able to solve the mystery of my illegitimate great-grandfather. I haven't found any half-siblings or half-cousins (they're probably out there somewhere). Those were the two main reasons why I wanted to do the test and why I asked my brother to do it, too.

No one has contacted me with any great breakthroughs or revelations.

It has been helpful in other ways, though. One of my ancestors had an unusual Irish surname and I had wondered for years if the other people with that surname who had settled in the same small town in Canada were related, and -- lo and behold! -- I do have DNA matches with some of their descendants. It's a bit frustrating for me, because I still can't find our common ancestors -- and I might never find them. Even so, it has provided confirmation of a familial connection, which is great.

I had been in touch with one descendant of one of the other families years ago because she was doing a kind of one-name study (limited to certain areas). I had shared my research with her at the time. When I checked out the DNA matches, and found that she was one of the descendants of the other families with whom I shared a match, I got back in touch with her. She responded eventually and said that she wasn't going to assume that was correct until she could prove it on paper, which is fair enough. Then she made her Ancestry tree private and I never heard back from her. Oh, well.

Was there anyone in the family named Lesley, Leslie, etc.?