RootsChat.Com
General => The Common Room => Topic started by: 4b2 on Monday 18 August 25 13:00 BST (UK)
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Hello,
What has been the experience of RootsChatters in sending post, emails, Facebook messages etc. to unknown relatives? What is the response rate like? Any particularly frosty receptions?
When I first began in 2009-10, I did call two relatives, who were known to my father - close relatives. One was a little frosty, but willing and the other was quite open. I also visited one of my grandfather's cousins who first piqued my interest in genealogy at age six, when he showed me a photo of my great-great-grandparents and their children. But by this time he was senile.
I've long thought about finding all my closer cousins - 1st and 2nd of my parents, and just sending them all messages. It can't hurt - too much, and surely some gems will turn up.
I have just sent out my first letter to an unknown relative. She is the cousin of my grandmother (who was born out of wedlock). I've not mentioned this in my message. It could come up later. I've only just been able to seal my grandmother's paternal line. After years of waiting, finally a closer DNA match came up and I was able to finally pin point my grandmother's father.
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Be polite. Literate. Friendly. Perhaps joke about the strange idea of writing to someone you don't know. Get a friend to read them first. If you don't get a reply try again after 3 months. But stay polite. We've had replies after 2 years, and once after 5 letters. Some sites don't send notifications. Don't just say "How are we related?". Prove you've done research. Come across as an interesting cousin. Tell the recipient about yourself.
Mrs Zaph
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Hello 4b2,
I have sent quite a few messages via Ancestry and had some lovely responses.
I discovered a branch of my maternal line this way and have now met them. Very exciting.
I think your wording is important, giving a little info makes people curious and they want to respond.
Cheers,
Chris
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One thing to remember is that many people get test kits as unwanted presents. And they do little more than add 4-5 immediate relatives to a tree to please the giver. And then never log in again. If the profile says 'last logged in 3-11 months ago" don't be overly optimistic.
Mrs Zaph
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If they are online it should be be quite easy. A brief introductory message explaining who you are and why you are contacting them usually results in a reply.
If contacting someone you know to be elderly a letter should be the way to go. Again, explaining why you are contacting them and of course it’s only polite to enclose a stamped and address envelope for their reply. If you don’t hear back they may be ill or have dementia you have no way of knowing.
I have been contacted by someone unconnected months after I wrote to a distant relative. The person who wrote back had found my letter when clearing the house of my relative who had died.
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It's worth a try. As they say, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
A lot of people simply aren't interested in all that stuff, or they're too busy or sick, as others have pointed out, but once in a while you'll find someone who's happy to share and sometimes they might even stay in touch and become friends.
I'd say the majority of my inquiries have gone unanswered, for whatever reasons, but I have had some lovely responses from a few, and I've gained some good friends, too.
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Thanks for the replies. To make it more clear, I was referring to contacting people who are not on Ancestry. So you find they are a close relative, find their contact details, and send them a letter, Facebook message, phone call etc.
I didn't think about sending a self addresses envelope. It seems a good idea, esp. as the price of stamps is a lot higher than it was a few years ago. Though I think most people have access to email or something now.
The person I sent a letter to is 92. But it seems they are probably in good health as there is a post from last year mentioning they have tended the parish church grounds for decades.
I also don't live in the UK, but I found this service, which you can send a letter in the UK from online. It's about £2 as a base cost.
https://modernmail.co.uk
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Via this very forum I found two first Cousins in Australia, a member in Sydney looked them up for me.
A speculative eMail to a company in Canada elicited a response from a Second Cousin who introduced me to four more Second Cousins and we are now Facebook friends and email regularly.
Via Facebook I found a Third Cousin who just happened to be a Facebook friend of my Wife.
Speculative letters to three very close relatives got a response from a person who I thought may be my Half Brother, from him I found his Sister and DNA confirmed that they are my Half Siblings.
Ancestry messages has me linking to about 50 distant Cousins.
My Heritage and ftDNA messages linked me to three Third Cousins, two of which are Half Siblings to each other and this helped me solve a DNA puzzle.
My Wife has about 20 distant Cousins who have responded to Ancestry messages and some are now her Facebook friends.
So yes, it can and may work.
We found that the sensitive approach with just enough information to spark interest generates a response.
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Hello
I have written to unknown relatives, by mail, and got replies from most of them whereas when I have contacted them through family history sites, I have got few responses.
I start by writing a draft letter stating who I am, why I am contacting them and how I think we are related. I include several questions without going into too much detail. After several days, I refine the letter and send it off.
I have been lucky in the replies as sometimes the connection has been tenuous. I haven't included a stamped addressed envelope to date but I did consider it.
Nothing ventured is nothing gained.
Good luck with your research.
Jackie
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I can’t recommend it enough. About ten years ago I decided to write to some of my grandparents’ remaining cousins and second cousins. Of course there were hundreds of candidates if you branch out enough, so I was selective in trying to write to those about whom there was some online trace that suggested they’d be a good contact - much like 4b2 noting the church gardening point.
One was a journalist with an interest in local history so I thought she’d be a good candidate - and indeed she was the ‘keeper’ of that branch’s family history. Her birthday is one day after mine and we send each other something each year - she’s in her mid 90s now.
Another was a then-95 year old retired headmaster. He actually helped me with my English project, and after I shared with him all about his great-grandmother (one of my favourite ancestors), he wrote a poem dedicated to her. Before he died he wrote an incredible poem about family history - the connections between generations - and he sent it to me, incomplete, and asked me to one day continue it. What an honour! (And something I want to also pass down to a future generation to continue further - so it’s a living document from memories stretching back to 1832!)
These were probably standouts - more generally I have had good fortune with receiving photographs (or identifications of photographs I sent for that purpose) and basic family information.
I need to take my own advice though, as there’s many relatives I’ve been meaning to write to but haven’t yet. And then there’s the sadness upon coming across an obituary etc and finding out a relative has died before you got the chance to make contact, and with them all the family knowledge they held. Like Jebber, I’ve received a reply from the new owners of a deceased relative’s home who had found the letter - just too late!
4b2, thank you very much for that link to the postal service - I’m not in the UK either though all my paternal family are, so that’s a real game changer. I’m going to give it a go!
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I'm not contacting any more relatives, 3 relatives, one of whom I hadn't seen for over 60 years, the other two much younger, only to attending their funerals less than 3 months later. :(