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General => The Common Room => The Lighter Side => Topic started by: Jackiemh on Thursday 21 November 24 23:45 GMT (UK)
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I was recently reminded how much families have drifted apart when I received a reply to a query (made over 6 months ago) about contact details for a relative.
The relative was my 1st cousin once removed, the enquirer's aunt.
I had to deliver the sad news that the relative had died early last year.
The relative was a widow and had no children.
It makes me very sad to think that we are losing these extended connections and just relating to our close family.
Jackie
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I was recently reminded how much families have drifted apart when I received a reply to a query (made over 6 months ago) about contact details for a relative.
The relative was my 1st cousin once removed, the enquirer's aunt.
I had to deliver the sad news that the relative had died early last year.
The relative was a widow and had no children.
It makes me very sad to think that we are losing these extended connections and just relating to our close family.
Jackie
That is so true. As a child I grew up knowing and visiting the families of my father's four brothers and my mother's siblings, plus quite a few of my mother's female cousins and aunts. As their menfolk were at work during the day I hadn't met all of them until they retired..
My mother died in her fifties and at the Wake, my father mentioned that it had been her who had been the glue keeping the family together and he expected some kith and kin would drift away.
My maternal grandmother's sister was wheelchair bound and I knew her when I was quite young. Going to senior school when I was ten on my bicycle I was allowed to cycle to visit relatives and I liked visiting wheelchair bound Grandma Simpson in her homr: "Yoohoo grandma Simpson, it's only me".
I'd been researching my family tree for several years and had filled quite a few Lever Arch Files with official documents such as bmd's, photos of where some of them lived/worked, plus Wills and even a book about travelling musicians that listed a few ancestors. I got quite a shock when searching through the London Gazette when I saw that my dad's favourite brother had died in 1998, which explained why my letter and card sent that year had been returned with no explanation. He had left all his money to the local cats home except for a couple of small amounts to a lady and a man. A few years passed by and I started having thoughts that maybe I should 'phone the lady that had been in my uncle's Will. The thought niggled at me for several months before I eventually looked for and found a telephone number for the lady. lol; she was very surprised to recognise a surname from her past and even more surprised when I told her that I didn't know why I was 'phoning but I explained that I was immersed in researching my ancestry and maybe I was getting a message from my childless and widower uncle to contact her. Was she ill? (No) or was it her birthday? (No). I could sense she was very suspicious, which vanished as I gave her the name of my uncle's dog and details of my uncle's ancestry. I think my uncle just wanted to say "thank you, I appreciated all you did for me".
Rena
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I can remember visits (generally on Sundays) from my parents' cousins. They had a car and ran a newsagents so we received tins of Quality Street on their visits.
And calling on great aunts and uncles.
We also attended family weddings where everyone attended. I am lucky in that I have some of photos of these weddings but I still can't put a name to every face.
I did know about this relative (the one that died in 2023) through tracing my mother's family but, never met her. I only found out about her death through an unrelated third party.
Sad isn't it.
Jackie
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My paternal grandmother was a pot of glue which I did not realise. She corresponded with many people so when we made weekly visits she produced their letters, recounting everybody's news. It all went over my head then, but doing family history I have come across names I remember hearing before, and instinctively knew they were correct.
I was aware that "Aunty Florence" lived in Vancouver. I can now see two sisters-in-law who corresponded for over 60 years because one emigrated with husband and young family, but they never saw each other again.
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So true
I have 11 first Cousins on the paternal side of our family tree who I have never met or spoken to.
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I have 5 first cousins on my mother's side, and I know them all well, despite them being being somewhat scattered around the Southern part of England. The ties will become looser in the succeeding generations, which must be normal.
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I'd like to know if this is actually a modern trend or just circumstances within individual families.
Growing up I was a lot closer to my extended family (aunts/uncles, cousins) then my parents and grandparents were. In the case of my grandparents, they simply had too many cousins to keep track of them all.
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Very true. I was aware of certain aunts & uncles of my parents whom I never actually met, and I have discovered others more recently. I knew about a cousin of my mother's who was taken to Tasmania in 1920 and kept in touch, then visited the UK about 1985. My father mentioned the impending visit to friend of his, who said "Oh, I was at primary school with him" so they invited the friend over to meet up again.
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I was born and raised in East Norfolk, to Essex parents. I was split between a Norfolk childhood and Essex parental culture and regular trips to Southend and Rochford. Hence why I feel an affinity with Gt Yarmouth, Norwich and Southend. Also my cousins/aunts/uncles/grandparents used to come up to Norfolk a lot.
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People wrote letters!
My mother and her mother (living some distance apart) wrote to each other weekly. Her mother would have probably written to any of her siblings who weren't local too. When I went away to uni, my mother and I wrote to each other weekly.
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My Essex parents have some Norfolk blood through their Suffolk and London lines, so when they moved to Gt Yarmouth it was like they were coming home again.
I never understand why I am so into genealogy, let me admit obsessed, especially with 2 ancestors who had locative surnames in counties where they lived where the surname was not from there. But as they were born c1710, it is going to be tough proving their origins, but I shall never stop looking. There 2 men were Joseph Stillington (c1705-1751), an Essex resident man with a Midlands name, and William Inkpen (c1730-1769) an Oxford college servant and publican with a Dorset/Sussex surname.
I have known most of my cousins, and some second cousins, or first cousins once removed.
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My family history research was greatly aided by my great grandfather's notebook, where he recorded spending holidays with his relatives, sometimes accompanied by his son, my grandfather.
It is nice to think of the family connections, but also - I think - it was how he had a holiday without spending any money on accommodation. Very common in those days (the 1920's), I'm sure!
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That is how we kept up the family network in the 50s, as well. Aunt and cousins came to our house in the country to look after Grandad, while Mum and I went to their flat in London. Other aunt and cousin came to us once a year, Mum and I went to them once a year! Our house was actually "home", as it was where the aunts were brought up.
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I had a few tidbits of info to go on with my tree before I became a genealogist, such as I asked my gran in 2000 who her mothers maiden name was. Before that I had found out the name of my grandfather's maternal grandfather. It was not 2002 I was bitten by the genealogy bug.
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I'm an only child, married to another only child. One of my parents was only child, other had sister. Next generation older, several "Aunts & Uncles to my parents, but only three bred. Of those three, two had no children. We're extinct - nearly!
TY
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I'm an only child, married to another only child. One of my parents was only child, other had sister. Next generation older, several "Aunts & Uncles to my parents, but only three bred. Of those three, two had no children. We're extinct - nearly!
TY
Sounds like me except Dad was one of eight. As with larger families some split. As that generation died off the cousins had their own lives and didn’t keep in touch, especially with those who moved away from their birth place. A couple have contacted on odd occasions with queries about family history, but most I wouldn’t know if I fell over them. Not nearly extinct, getting there. Ex husbands side closer as we only had one child and grandkids have no intention of having children.
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Our family is not going to become extinct, but the rather uncommon surname is heading that way because of a tendency to produce females! One cousin kept it as her professional name, and still uses it, but it is a rearguard action, as she only has one daughter, who uses her father's name. :( :(
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Yes, my maiden surname ( what an old-fashioned phrase now, I think) is unusual except in the small part of England the whole lot originated in.
TY