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General => The Common Room => The Lighter Side => Topic started by: greyingrey on Monday 15 May 23 10:12 BST (UK)
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I've just come across this obituary....ive changed the names as a couple of the people are still alive,
Helen...loving wife of frank, loving mother to Chris and loving grandmother to Chloe
Chris was her only child and Chloe her only grandchild, but there is no mention of her daughter in law...who was seemingly still happily married to Chris.
do you think this is a bit rum or do you see it as a direct line obituary...would you expect the daughter in law to be. included...it is from the 1980s ???
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I would not have expected the daughter-in-law to be included. We would expect Helen to love her child, Chris, and her grandchild, Chloe, but do we know for a fact that she loved her d-i-l? Seeing as it was probably Frank who was paying for this, might he have had a different opinion of his d-i-l?
Regards
Chas
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It really depends on the place and period (perhaps this was how obituaries were done in that area and time). When my grandmother died one of her daughters-in-law was a bit annoyed that she wasn't mentioned (none of the other daughters-in-law were mentioned either) but grandchildren were listed by name. However, that was the custom where she lived.
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Bear in mind also that obituaries are charged on a per word basis. So the more names the higher the cost. You have to draw the line somewhere!
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Bear in mind also that obituaries are charged on a per word basis. So the more names the higher the cost. You have to draw the line somewhere!
Reminds me of the story of a widow who was told that the first five words in a death notice were free. What appeared in the next morning's newspaper was:
FRED'S DEAD. VOLVO FOR SALE.
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Maybe she wasn't a "Loving Mother-In-Law". As her son was an only child, she may have been very close to him and didn't think the DIL deserved a mention as she would have taken second place in her son's affection.
Carol
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Also possible her d-i-l was dead, so not mentioned.
<SNIP>
do you think this is a bit rum or do you see it as a direct line obituary...would you expect the daughter in law to be. included...it is from the 1980s ???
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the dil was still alive...I guess you cant judge it unless you know if there were particular customs in that area.
my brother. in law is a. doctor and. was. most put out when dr wasn't put in front of his name on his. mother in laws tribute..I did mutter. behind his back. that it didn't mention my school swimming certificate either... :)
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to go completely o/t.
Wasn't invited to my nephews wedding - no issue with that - they chose to have a very small wedding.
Sent then some money as a gift. (have always got on with nephew although we live a distance apart.)
They sent a wedding photo but it's a back view of the couple - they are both facing the hills in the distance - am I right to feel a tad offended or am I being a bit techy?
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Not sure why you are feeling offended. The couple are obviously looking to the future, and not to the past!
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Our Daughter got married on the beach in Cancun, Mexico. They posed together sat on the beach facing the sea and their shoes were placed behind them, it was a beautiful photo. That was everyone's favourite photo.
Carol
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to go completely o/t.
Wasn't invited to my nephews wedding - no issue with that - they chose to have a very small wedding.
Sent then some money as a gift. (have always got on with nephew although we live a distance apart.)
They sent a wedding photo but it's a back view of the couple - they are both facing the hills in the distance - am I right to feel a tad offended or am I being a bit techy?
I believe that it is a modern photography fad for weddings. Especially if there is a pond, or lake, or river/stream handy.
Regards
Chas
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At least they mentioned the grandchild. When my father-in-law died it was husband of….., father of……. No mention of grandson. When my ex died I did the full genealogical notice. Parents, me, son, grandkids. So it is all there if someone looks in years to come.
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yes, I think that. the. photo from the. back is just a modern trend...looking to the future...ok among photos but I can see why you'd prefer a. front view as the only photo, though I don't think they meant to offend.
in my example....missing out the diil...the. family were quite well off, so it couldn't have been for the extra cost....my take is that id have felt put out....but I don't know the background
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Maybe just concentrating on her spouse and any blood descendants and leaving out the in laws.
In 1827 an ancestor of mine died aged 101, and it mentions the amount of grandchildren she had etc. This was in rural Suffolk. No mention of her birth name though, as she wed in about 1750 but cannot find a marriage record yet. Once you get back before 1754 for marriages it can get harder. They had their first known child in 1752.
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Of course, sometimes the simplest answers are the best. Bereaved people often do not make the best decisions and forget things that should be done.
Regards
Chas
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thanks for the replies -
the odd thing is I have never met my nephew's wife. (We live 200 miles apart.)
They had a whirlwind romance and were married 5/6 months after first meeting.
I would have liked to see what she looks like!
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Bear in mind also that obituaries are charged on a per word basis. So the more names the higher the cost. You have to draw the line somewhere!
After my mother-in-law died, my husband's sister wanted to identify me in the obit as a daughter, just to save $$ on a few letters. I put the kibosh on that.
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My dad passed away two and a half years ago. There was a huge list of great grandchildren so we chose to say that my dad was a dearly loved father, grandfather and great grandfather. The only names we put on were my brother, my sister and her 4 children and partners and me, my hubby and my eldest son and his wife and my youngest son and his partner.
We did the same when my mother in law diesd, I'd have been offended to have been left off the list of names.
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Good evening,
Maybe it was the DiL who wrote the obituary on behalf of her husband. OH did both my mothers and my brothers on my behalf. She said I would write it all wrong with bad grammer etc.
John915
Added, She also did my Aunts.
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Searching for someone on the BNA this evening brought up this clip in the Heywood Advertiser in 1964:
HENRY aged MO years. the nearly loved Ilusnand of the late Alice HARDMAN....
The actual notice is certainly more 'loving' of Henry ::)
Monica
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Insults is my great grandmothers Will, which names five children leaving estate to one and bequeathing sixty pounds to the other four. She had six children but left my grandmother a widow with poor health and a four year old out. No idea why. Perhaps because she had contact with her fathers side of the family in New Zealand, her uncle and cousins.
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Sometimes a slip is made when people are dealing with a death and particularly if it's a sudden, unexpected death. When our son died we got together something to put into the obituary page and totally missed his paternal grandparents' names. Just a slip but we were totally shocked and grieving and hopefully people would realise it wasn't intentional. We would have been mortified if we weren't dealing with something so much worse in our lives.