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General => The Common Room => The Lighter Side => Topic started by: Forfarian on Tuesday 31 August 21 12:00 BST (UK)
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Ready for another airing?
1. Thou shalt name thy male children Alexander, James, John, and William.
2. Thou shalt name thy female children Ann(e), Elizabeth, Iso/abel(la), Jane/Jean, Margaret and Mary.
3. Thou shalt leave no trace of your female children.
4. Thou shalt ensure that thy wife's name is omitted from thy children's baptism records.
5. Thou shalt, after naming your children from the above lists, call them by strange nicknames such as Dod, Bunty, Mek and Cissie.
6. Thou shalt not use any middle names on any legal documents or census reports.
7. Thou shalt learn to sign all documents illegibly so that thy surname can be spelled, or misspelled, in as many different ways as possible.
8. Thou shalt, after no more than three generations, make sure that all family records are lost, misplaced, burned in a court house fire, or buried so that NO future trace of them can be found.
9. Thou shalt propagate misleading legends, rumours, vague innuendo regarding your place of origination: England, Scotland, Wales or Ireland.
10. Thou shalt leave no cemetery records or headstones with legible names.
11. Thou shalt leave no family Bible with records of births, marriages or deaths.
12. Thou shalt ALWAYS flip thy name around. If born "James Albert" thou shalt make all the rest of thy records in the names of Albert, AJ, JA, AL, Bert, Bart, or Alfred.
13. Thou shalt also flip thy parents' names when making reference to them, although 'UNKNOWN" or a blank is an acceptable alternative.
14. Thou shalt name at least five Generations of males, and dozens of their cousins, with identical names.
15. Thou shalt not leave a will but if thou canst not avoid doing so ....
16. Thou shalt not name thy children in thy will, or say how many have survived.
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17. Thou shalt marry 2 wives with the same first name or the same surname.
18. Thou shalt invent a father for thyself or thy children.
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19. Thou shalt use random numbers for thy age. Occasional use of a number in the correct decade is allowed.
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20. Thou shalt claim to have been born in a different parish/county/country in each and every census.
Vis a vis no.14, thou shouldst have at least three children born in the same or consecutive years all with same name.
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21. Thou shalt, if not using the recommended Christian names, use such an outlandish one that said child will choose, and be known by, something else.
22. Thou shalt arrange for one child to move a long way away, and change their surname to one of Smith, Brown, Jones or Davis
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23. Thou shalt open the family album and burn all the photographs of people you do not recognise.
24. Thou shalt not write identifying names on the backs of those photographs which escape the conflagration.
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25. Thou shalt say "not born in county" in the 1841 census but die before the 1851 census which required more info, so as to annoy our busybody descendants, and give them a huge challenge.
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26Thou shalt have ancestors called McKetterick/McKettrick/McKittrick/Mckiterick/Mackittrick .. which will make searching no straight forward task.
27Thou shalt have ancestors with common names like Ann Young, making searches like looking for a needle in a hay stack at times.
28Thou shalt have an ancestor who gets married under a nickname and in a completely different area away from other family members.
29Thou shalt have ancestors who marry at a Church where no Fathers names are recorded on the register, illegitimate or not. (All Saints, Lanchester 1838)
30Thou shalt have illegitimate ancestors with no trace of Father - no bastardy orders, no entry on baptism, no baptism.
31Thou shalt have ancestors who don't know/lie about their age.
32Thou shalt have ancestors whose birth is not registered
33Thou shalt have ancestors with accents which will lead to misinterpretation on the census
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23. Thou shalt open the family album and burn all the photographs of people you do not recognise.
24. Thou shalt not write identifying names on the backs of those photographs which escape the conflagration.
23a. Before setting the fire, write to a relative though knowest is interested in the family history and say thou hast said album and other things that might be interesting. But in the few days it takes said relative to get there, “help” said relative by having a preliminary sort though and burning anything thou either does not recognise or thinks is rubbish.
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17. Thou shalt marry 2 wives with the same first name or the same surname.
Or (preferably) both.
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Thou shall not register your children’s births and deaths even though the law says you should.
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Thou shalt have an ancestor whose alibi was believed so you won't find them in the mugshot photo album at the archives.😭
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35. Thou shalt marry after 1753 but before July 1837 which is usual, but have the witnesses regular witnesses and not relatives.
36. Thou shalt be a woman who will have a quick dalliance with the flame haired village milkman and you find out through autosomal DNA that one of your fave ancestors, your 3xgreat grandfather is not the blood father of 2xgreat gramps, but the milkman is.
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No. 37. Thou shall not disclose which part of Ireland that you were born in.
No. 38. Thou shall always claim parentage of your Daughter's illegitimate offspring.
Carol
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38. Your name never appears in any newspaper for any reason You are neither a criminal nor the victim of a crime; you are never involved in any newsworthy accident; you win no prizes at school or at the county fair; you do not engage in any sporting activity worth mentioning; you never run for even the lowest elective office; you are not the owner of a calf born with two heads or any other curiosity suitable for filler material in the local paper; you never entertain your friends at teas or bridge parties nor are you invited to their parties; you have no letters waiting at the post office and your presence at hotels is never noted .....
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39. Thou shalt alter the forename of thy child between birth and baptism or vice-versa.
40. Thou shalt register thy child's birth late, adjusting birth date to fit within the proscribed period.
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41. Thou shalt give incomplete info in registers, and not give middle names so it makes it harder to be traced by my descendants 100-200 years down the line.
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35. Thou shalt marry after 1753 but before July 1837 which is usual, but have the witnesses regular witnesses and not relatives.
35 b. Thou shalt marry before 1753 but not in an Anglican church, leaving no record and no clue to bride's surname.
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Thou shall have a mighty accent so that thine hapless enumerator doth write down thine name as 'Owton' instead of 'Howton' or 'Ayleigh' instead of 'Hayle'.
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Thou shall have a mighty accent so that thine hapless enumerator doth write down thine name as 'Owton' instead of 'Howton' or 'Ayleigh' instead of 'Hayle'.
Thou shalt then like the new spelling so much that thou keepest it, and sendeth thy descendants on a mighty wild-goose chase!
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[next number] Thou shalt promulgate a family legend to be shared down the generations to always be quoted as absolute truth, such as
"he murdered his wife",
"they came from Latvia",
"he was very rich and owned several houses",
"they were related to royalty under the blanket",
and ensure that none of these has any element of reality to be found despite extensive research.
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Thou shalt ensure that thy family name is the same as that of a village in Northumberland thus ensuring that all searches for thy surname in books and newspapers return a myriad of hits, causing initial excitement and then deep despondency to the searcher.
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[next number] Thou shalt promulgate a family legend to be shared down the generations to always be quoted as absolute truth, such as
"he murdered his wife",
"they came from Latvia",
"he was very rich and owned several houses",
"they were related to royalty under the blanket",
and ensure that none of these has any element of reality to be found despite extensive research.
And when there is a Legend worth promulgating thou shalst never mention it again.
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35. Thou shalt marry after 1753 but before July 1837 which is usual, but have the witnesses regular witnesses and not relatives.
35 b. Thou shalt marry before 1753 but not in an Anglican church, leaving no record and no clue to bride's surname.
Oh yes, and even Fleet marriages turn up futile.
35c. Thou shalt act as married even after 1754 when Anglican church marriages were required, but never actually marry, so the wife's maiden surname is unattainable.
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14. Thou shalt name at least five Generations of males, and dozens of their cousins, with identical names.
14a. Thou shalt then marry thy daughters to aforesaid cousins, resulting in half-a-dozen bearers of the same names concurrently alive in the family. Thou shalt style each relative "brother" or "cousin" in documents although he be brother-in-law or nephew.
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Thy grandmother shalt proclaim to all and sundry that “All the families throughout the world who bear my maiden surname are related, as has been proved”, without leaving any trace of where this proof is to be found.
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Thou shalt claim descent from an obscure 10th century monarch. All records of this, including the name of the monarch, are lost.
Thou shalt ensure that thy family name is the same as that of a village in Northumberland thus ensuring that all searches for thy surname in books and newspapers return a myriad of hits, causing initial excitement and then deep despondency to the searcher.
Thy family surname shall be the name of a common word, leading to the belief that thy Archer ancestors were present at the Battle of Agincourt and furthermore that they were responsible for victory.
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Thou shalt have a child at 50, and the previous one at 41, and make my researchers in decades to come to wonder if it was my last child or my illegitimate grandchild, and make them conclude it was an illegitimate grandchild when in fact I had a final burst of fertility at 49/50.
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Thou shalt give a different father's name at every opportunity - if thou art feeling generous, thou mayst use your grandfather's name (sometimes). And thy parents shallt not have thee baptised, thereby removing nearly all chances of discovering them!
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Thou shalt have an illegitimate child then marry a man within a year and leave people in generations to come guessing as to whether he is the father or not.
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Thee and thy sister will each give one of thy children a surname as a middle name that bears no resemblance to other surnames found
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Thou wilt leave a box of family papers in the attic when thou movest....and not tell the family until 50 years later
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Thou shalt have the same fore and surname as a very popular sports person, but have two middle names which only the marriage partner knows. That way every attempt to locate you in the news ALWAYS turns up the sports person, and not you.
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To maintain anonymity for all time, thou shalt not move from the small village of thine ancestors, nor pursue any other career, and thou shouldst name thine offspring for thy greatgrandparents, so that cousins, second cousins, third cousins and many other cousins removed carry the same name.
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Thou shalt live in a very small village and be named John Smith but there shalt be at least two other John Smith's in this small village and their children and wives shalt share the same names as your own children and wife. Wherever possible the other two John Smith's must have been born in the same year as yourself and the children and wife must also share the same birth years.
Thou shalt disappear at the time of the 1861 census along with all other male members of your family (even though the other male members of the family are married and living elsewhere) but all re-appear for the 1871 census.
Thou shalt take the surname of your step-father for ONE CENSUS ONLY but revert to your original surname in all other documents. This must be the first census after moving away from your family home.
Thou shalt report in the 1841 census that you were born in 'Kent' but then disappear with no trace before the 1851 census.
Rishile
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Thou shalt invent not just one surname, but at least two, and use them at random, ensuring thy children are confused and marry with a name they were not baptised with.
(Yes, I've researched such. It's a great feeling when you crack it.)
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Thou shalt marry a minimum of twice, including to the sister of your dead second wife, who will forget that she is still married to husband number two, though that particular marriage is the only one accessible online.
In censuses, though shalt use not any recognisable place name for thy place of birth, but the names of farms around where thou wast brought up, even though that was 40 miles from where thou wast born.
(Yes, these were the same family)
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Thou shalt be born at sea and leave no record of it.
Thy siblings shalt be born at sea and leave no record of it.
Thou shalt emigrate to America with an assumed name, age, occupation and hair colour, alter thy religion, place of birth and parents’ place of birth on censuses, and die one year before thy state of residency introduces formal registration.
Thou shalt bequeath all your worldly goods to a local holy man and make no reference to any family members in thy Will.
Thou shalt record thy occupation as ‘pot dealer’ and, insodoing, provide thy frustrated descendants with at least one good laugh.
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Thou shalt report in the 1841 census that you were born in 'Kent' but then disappear with no trace before the 1851 census.
Rishile
Thou shalt say "Not born in county of residence" in 1841 and die before the 1851 census, so I have no record of their birthplace. I have 3 ancestors who did that. One of them was a Smith.
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Thou shalt live in an asylum for 15 years whilst thy wife remarries so your death record will totally confuse any researcher .....yes this is a real one
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Thou shall not ignore Forfarian's wisdom.
Except on Sunday's on a Sunday its ok.
Don
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And one other thing, if you are forced to flee the law, go to Canada. It's the best English speaking country to hide out in. Your descendants will never find you.
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Thou shalt emigrate to America with an assumed name, age, occupation and hair colour, alter thy religion, place of birth and parents’ place of birth on censuses, and die one year before thy state of residency introduces formal registration.
My 3xgreat grandfather went to America in 1886, and he is on the 1900 US census aged 72 in Pennsylvania. I am sure he died before 1 Jan 1906 when civil reg was bought in for PA. So he did follow that Thou Shalt emigrate to the US, and die before before thy state of residency introduces formal registration.
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Thou shalt emigrate to America with an assumed name, age, occupation and hair colour, alter thy religion, place of birth and parents’ place of birth on censuses, and die one year before thy state of residency introduces formal registration.
My 3xgreat grandfather went to America in 1886, and he is on the 1900 US census aged 72 in Pennsylvania. I am sure he died before 1 Jan 1906 when civil reg was bought in for PA. So he did follow that Thou Shalt emigrate to the US, and die before before thy state of residency introduces formal registration.
And those who were registered never seemed to tell their next of kin who their parents were. ???