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General => The Common Room => Topic started by: crazydaizy on Sunday 12 April 20 11:14 BST (UK)
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I've been doing this Family History thing for a few years, and I do go on Social Media to see if family members from my family tree are there. Does anyone else do this? What's the etiquette on making contact with anyone? I'd be thrilled if long lost cousins and family members I never knew existed made contact with me..... but I'm aware not everyone feel like I do?
So do I? Or don't I? ???
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I have contacted a couple of people on FB in the past. One replied and was slightly interested in the family history, particularly as we share an uncommon surname and he still lives in the area where the family can be traced back to the late 1600s.
Now I have done a DNA test I tend to contact my matches through Ancestry or or other sites I have uploaded my data to, rather than use social media - at least the should have an interest in FH if they have done a test.
i had a similar quandary about contacting people, but decided to go ahead anyway. Most people would be unlikely to be unpleasant in their reply, just not reply at all if they didn't want to be contacted.
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Yes.
I found our two long lost Oz Cousins on Fb.
There were two with the same name lets say Alan and the brother was easier to identify since he was called lets say Zachary. So I just sent a Message to Zachary.
Text sent something like
Hi, I am searching for my long lost Cousins who had Fred and Mabel for parents. If you are who I seek then I would be delighted to get into contact. Apologies if this causes upset.
The end result was I am in regular contact with both of them via Fb and eMail.
Others similar text sent but either, (1) sorry I am not who you seek response, good luck finding them OR (2) no response
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Ok,I've bit the bullet and sent a message.
I have to admit to making contact with another long lost cousin a few years back, she happily replied, but as my enthusiastic questions continued, I think it got a bit much for her..... lesson learned... just be brief, if they want to continue contact then fine, but don't push it!
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I only had a FB account for a short because I don't like how they use everything you tell it. Whilst I did have one though I did try and contact a distant cousin twice but received no reply so gave in. I am now in touch with two 3rd cousins after getting hints to their trees on Ancestry and sending them messages saying they had made mistakes in them. I added a PS saying you seem to know an awful lot about about my family and we took it from there.
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I only had a FB account for a short because I don't like how they use everything you tell it. Whilst I did have one though I did try and contact a distant cousin twice but received no reply so gave in. I am now in touch with two 3rd cousins after getting hints to their trees on Ancestry and sending them messages saying they had made mistakes in them. I added a PS saying you seem to know an awful lot about about my family and we took it from there.
So, you were concerned that people researching your family tree could find info/pictures etc without you knowing (on Social Media?) There is that problem, and it would be so easy to use someone else's pictures from their Social Media to build your family tree, without them having a clue. Social Media is not very private is it? Not sure I'd like anyone downloading my pictures for their own use :-X
If you use Ancestry, then if others you're researching are also on Ancestry, then no doubt they would be willing to get in touch and communicate.
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One of the relatives I found with the great assistance of RC (Kent board, the mysterious Cork(e) family), who is in Australia, friended me on FB.
She is now using time whilst isolated to brief her extensive family on some of the research she's done, and has invited me to join her family history group for the purpose. It's been great to be in touch, and if she ever does get to the UK I will certainly make a huge effort to meet her somewhere/somehow.
As has been said, some people are really interested in the research and some are totally overwhelmed.
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some 25 years or so ago I contacted a person by phone, at the time only 3 people in England with that surname, I knew he was a relation, he was not best pleased, but gave him all of the ways to contact me to prove I was genuine, next evening I heard from his brother who said straight away "we are indeed cousins" a short time after his father rang, I corresponded with both of these family member till the father died and the son died just this week, it was a very rewarding relationship and I will miss both of them, the person who I originally contacted is still alive, still in contact but not so interested in the family tree and he did apologise about our initial conversation.
I also approached 2 other people by letter and we corresponded till they both died
Never contacted anyone else in any other way, some people don't want to be contacted as I found from my initial phone call but I am glad I did it
Louisa Maud
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I have used Lost Cousins (not sure if you'd call that social media); Ancestry message boards; LinkedIn. Have had responses from all. I've also been contacted via Ancestry and LinkedIn.
Searching will only work for relatively unusual names - I'm dreading the moment that I discover a line of John and Mary Smiths!
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FB worried me as soon as I opened my account because I made a point of telling it very little about myself. It immediately produced a list of possible friends and at the very top of it was a cousin I had lost touched with over 40 years before. We no longer share a surname so FB should not have been able to link us unless at some time she had searched it for me, but when I got in touch she said she didn't think she had, so how did FB do it? We then fell out a couple of weeks later because she posted on her page that she was at the airport going to Italy for two weeks holiday and I told how stupid she to do that. She had never considered the possibility that burglars could find out she was away via FB.
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New FB users are shocked when they register to get all these (sometimes) accurate suggestions for "friends". FB does this by storing all historical name searches done by any user. If the search target finally does register, FB "knows" all the people who have searched before for that person. It's just programming, no need to get spooked ! If you don't like it, then stay away from FB - it's not compulsory, but can be very useful in Family History if you understand and set your privacy rules.
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I don't use FB but I tried to contact an old school friend on LinkedIn and got a polite reply which was effectively the well known mis-quotation of Genesis 1:22
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We then fell out a couple of weeks later because she posted on her page that she was at the airport going to Italy for two weeks holiday and I told how stupid she to do that. She had never considered the possibility that burglars could find out she was away via FB.
I told OH off last year for posting on his FB page that we were in Scotland on holiday. He said that it could only be seen by his friends, not by anyone else. But I think you have to set it specifically so that only friends can see it.
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We then fell out a couple of weeks later because she posted on her page that she was at the airport going to Italy for two weeks holiday and I told how stupid she to do that. She had never considered the possibility that burglars could find out she was away via FB.
I told OH off last year for posting on his FB page that we were in Scotland on holiday. He said that it could only be seen by his friends, not by anyone else. But I think you have to set it specifically so that only friends can see it.
You can even set it so only certain friends can see whatever you post..... but how foolproof it is I don't know. No doubt those that WANT to see someone's personal details have a way of tapping into their info somehow??
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I'm afraid I'd not touch FB with a (2 metre?) pole!
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I did try once. My grandmother's sister's line. A disaster.
She accused me of stalking her and her husband and sons. She cursed and swore and said that she was contacting the police and was going to complain to Facebook and get my address so she could sue me privately.
I replied by sending her a link to the Ancestry tree and that if she wanted full access all she need do was ask.
That was 5 years ago and have heard nothing since.
Regards
Chas
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She accused me of stalking her and her husband and sons. She cursed and swore and said that she was contacting the police and was going to complain to Facebook and get my address so she could sue me privately.
Aren't some people weird? I have never resorted to 'social media', being far too elderly to feel the need for trendy modernity. As for using them as a family search tool, I'm sure there are better-suited systems for that, such as Lost Cousins (which I haven't used either, but my wife has).
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New FB users are shocked when they register to get all these (sometimes) accurate suggestions for "friends". FB does this by storing all historical name searches done by any user. If the search target finally does register, FB "knows" all the people who have searched before for that person. It's just programming, no need to get spooked ! If you don't like it, then stay away from FB - it's not compulsory, but can be very useful in Family History if you understand and set your privacy rules.
So true.
It is not just Facebook.
Google, knows more about you than you do, your identity is known to them, all your searches are known, all the sites you visit are known, your movements are known.
Major Supermarkets know more about you and your buying preferences than you do.
Your mobile phone company knows who you call, hence your social grouping, they know where your phone is, so again more data on you is held and processed.
Your broardband company knows your online history.
You simply cannot escape data being collected about you.
Data is power and many companies like Cambridge Analytica collect, process, manipulate and sell your data.
Burying head in sand does not stop data being collected.
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I have. What I tend to do instead is to post messages on fb groups for the areas where family members used to live.
For example, my mum's family comes from the Crookwell-Goulburn area in NSW and both places have fb history groups. So I posted a photo of my 3xg-grandfather with a bit of a story and had several family members contact me.
FB looks at your surname and at your friends in order to throw up people you might like to "friend". It also looks at things you might have in common like the school you went to.
Felicity
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I have never contacted anyone on social media but I have by letter.
I found a known of but never met cousin of my husbands through research and 192.com.
She was well into her 70s s I decided to write to her to give her time to absorb the information.
I was 99% sure I had the right person but didn’t want to spook her as her family had been
estranged from my OHs for 60 years.
I asked if she was A nee B daughter of C and D and
I explained who I was and who my OH was and how we were related.
I put all my contact details and left it at that. 3 weeks later she phoned me, I had just about given up but she said she needed time to process the info.
She vaguely knew she may have a cousin but her dad had died when she was 10 and she moved away with her mum who died young too. She had no siblings and no children and thought she didn’t have any known blood relatives.
Long story short we met up and I gave her her complete family history and more importantly photos of her dad as she only ever had one.
My point being we are all keen genealogists champing at the bit but when others are contacted out of the blue it may be a bit unsettling ?? Most people are intrigued once they have had a bit of time to process it.
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I have. What I tend to do instead is to post messages on fb groups for the areas where family members used to live.
That's a really good idea, much less "in your face" than directly contacting a single person. No-one could complain they were being "stalked" then.
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A third cousin contacted me and we got on at first, and conversed through email, and when I mentioned how I was going further back, she then asked why do I keep trying to get further back, and that I should be finding out more about the more recent ancestors, and not worry about the ones born before 1850. I told her genealogy is about trying to get back as far as possible. We cut off contact after that.
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I've attempted to contact about thirty relatives (2nd or 3rd cousins, sometimes once removed) via Facebook messages. About ten replied, most saying "I'm not interested in my family tree, or you, please go away and never bother me again" but three were very interested and made up for the rest! One of these, my Dad's cousin, who he has never met, and I exchange emails every couple of weeks or so and I'm hoping to meet up with her once all this Covid-19 nonsense has died down (so to speak).
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Do not know how to. Suits me fine.
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I've attempted to contact about thirty relatives (2nd or 3rd cousins, sometimes once removed) via Facebook messages. About ten replied, most saying "I'm not interested in my family tree, or you, please go away and never bother me again" but three were very interested and made up for the rest! One of these, my Dad's cousin, who he has never met, and I exchange emails every couple of weeks or so and I'm hoping to meet up with her once all this Covid-19 nonsense has died down (so to speak).
Sadly some people can be quite rude to distant relatives, even though you are 3rd or 4th cousins, they dont see the blood link as anything special, despite sharing 2 great grandparents, or great great grandparents.
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Ah, perhaps they follow the saying:
"You can choose your friends, but not your relatives..."
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I've contacted a few by Facebook. In every case it was because they appeared or even contacted me on My Heritage, so i knew they had a family history interest. (I have an old tree there but I can only reply to messages if I rejoin (my tree is now too big for free membership, though it wasn't when I created it.) I don't want to rejoin not just because of the expense but because I found it a fairly useless site anyway (their Smart Matches are a joke, much worse than Ancestry or GR hints).
My FB profile says "if you get a friend request from this stranger, it's because we have a mutual connection to the ........ family" (see surname list below). Some have replied, and in one case it led to another mutual cousin turning up. I don't think I'd approach a stranger out of the blue - my mother's surname is very rare, but still there are people with the name who aren't related at all AFAICS.