RootsChat.Com

General => The Common Room => Topic started by: Davedrave on Wednesday 12 December 18 15:28 GMT (UK)

Title: Do you become emotional doing family history?
Post by: Davedrave on Wednesday 12 December 18 15:28 GMT (UK)
I don’t normally get emotionally involved when doing research because most of mine concerns people I’ve never met and no-one I know has met. However, when I read the death certificate of the grandmother I never knew, I felt quite stunned for a while, and yet my father could not remember her either. Reading the cause of death: “heart failure, pulmonary tuberculosis and toxaemia”, it seemed so cruel that she was taken in her mid 30’s  (along with her father and two siblings, all during the 1920’s, all victims of TB) when my father was only four.

Prior to that I found reading of the death of a six year old boy whose skull was crushed by a farm cart when he was larking about during the harvest in 1846, very sad (my great great grandfather’s nephew).
Title: Re: Do you become emotional doing family history?
Post by: Mart 'n' Al on Wednesday 12 December 18 15:44 GMT (UK)
My main emotion is frustration that none of my ancestors told me much about their childhood when I was a child. My much-loved aunt turned out to actually be my father's mother, although he didn't know until very late in his own life. I'm frustrated that she was never more open about it. My other aunt, the posh one, always seemed as though everything was above her dignity, but my research has shown that she was about to give birth at the time she married. I'd like to have known more about that.

I'm also frustrated that my parents didn't tell me more about their own aunts and uncles.

Martin
Title: Re: Do you become emotional doing family history?
Post by: barryd on Wednesday 12 December 18 16:01 GMT (UK)
Yes when I am researching World War 1 servicemen. All wars are stupid but that one topped the list.
Title: Re: Do you become emotional doing family history?
Post by: Rosinish on Wednesday 12 December 18 16:08 GMT (UK)
I think most of us who are 'serious' about our FH do get emotional.

If we're eager enough to find the truth then we have to take on board the things which come with it.

Whether reading DCs which are available or noting from census' where many children have died between 2 & no certs. available then yes, I tend to wonder how the parents coped with all those deaths, naming the next born after the deceased etc.

I feel sorry for husbands who have lost their wives in childbirth, children drowning, being burnt, war deaths etc.

I would say it's only human to feel some sort of grief for our ancestors as I tend to try & put myself in their shoes which gives a better sense of understanding.
I don't fret if a person has lived a long life & died of natural causes as to me it would be expected i.e. when looking at census' we already have an idea they've had a long life unless of course their death was something horrific in some way?

Martin, I can understand what you're saying but at the same time, did you not feel a sense of achievement & a smile when you discovered the truth, part of the excitement of genealogy  :-\ 

Annie
Title: Re: Do you become emotional doing family history?
Post by: Treetotal on Wednesday 12 December 18 16:12 GMT (UK)
I do sometimes...when I found out recently that one of my ancestors was "Shot at Dawn" for desertion  :-\
Another died from an ankle wound when her foot was run over by a wagonette when she was crossing the road. She was helped to a nearby tavern where her boot was removed and her bleeding foot was placed in a bucket of cold water, she died from blood loss some time later. She was only 32 and left 7 children the youngest of which was only 7 months old  :-\
Carol
Title: Re: Do you become emotional doing family history?
Post by: Wendy2305 on Wednesday 12 December 18 17:34 GMT (UK)
A few times although the one I remember is on my daughter's His wife and 2 children died within a couple of years of each other the children were 3 months and 2 years
I found his death 50 years later he had not remarried in all that time which I found quite sad as he was in his 20's when he lost his family
Title: Re: Do you become emotional doing family history?
Post by: medpat on Wednesday 12 December 18 17:45 GMT (UK)
Seeing the 1911 census for my maternal gt granparents.

14 live births      9 deaths        5 still alive.

the 9 all died under 1 yr,  :(
Title: Re: Do you become emotional doing family history?
Post by: Finley 1 on Wednesday 12 December 18 19:15 GMT (UK)
Me   ----- guess  ;D ;D ;D


I laugh and cry and exclaim with joy
when I re-discover a baby boy
the 1911 said she had 7
but sadly one went straight to heaven..

cannot write any more cos my eyes are all blurred



anyway

yep  Where I could, I found the precious babies that are missing on 1911s   and actually found their names and put them back in place in their section of my tree..   That makes me at peace.

Then I cried when I found a relative who seemingly must have (maybe) alzheimers of the day.. shoved away in a lunatic asylum and forgotten.

baby girl that died in Victoria at the time of the Goldrush.. bless her.. 

Tooooo many instances that  I have found and some far - far - too close to home..

It was exciting .. finding my step sister .. ooooo that was scary -- but good.


so yep  all the time for me..


xin
Title: Re: Do you become emotional doing family history?
Post by: iolaus on Wednesday 12 December 18 19:35 GMT (UK)
Reading the cause of death: “heart failure, pulmonary tuberculosis and toxaemia”, it seemed so cruel that she was taken in her mid 30’s  (along with her father and two siblings, all during the 1920’s, all victims of TB) when my father was only four.

Did the baby survive? the pregnancy probably worsened the TB and so on.
Very sad


I think it's natural to become emotional doing it, they become real people to us so naturally we get upset at what happened, some of them had absolutely tragic lives, one of mine had 11 children only three of whom lived beyond 14 months.  My greatgrandmother was the eldest and as my dad said it's probably why she was so distant with babies

I was distraught when I found one of my relatives who was born and died just as 'baby girl' - she never had a name

My husband isn't into family history at all, but got extremely annoyed and took it personally that one of his family had been put into a workhouse for having a baby out of wedlock (when the workhouse closed down some 30 odd years later she was moved to a mental hospital where she died in the 1960s - I assume she was institutionalised to an extent that she couldn't cope with life outside - he's never really forgiven her parents for it
Title: Re: Do you become emotional doing family history?
Post by: Mart 'n' Al on Wednesday 12 December 18 19:50 GMT (UK)
Annie, Rosinish, unfortunately I can't even claim much of an achievement in what I found out.

3 years ago I mentioned the names of my father's parents on my website. I was contacted by a lady in Australia who told me that they were her great-grandparents. We dug a bit deeper together, and she found out that the aunt with whom I had many holidays was actually my father's mother and that my father was brought up by my "aunt" 's parents. This meant that my new found cousin in Australia and I shared the same great-grandparents. It seems that my naughty aunty, in the Twenties and thirties gave birth to three different children with three different men. I knew her when I was between 10 and 15 and she was about 60 and she was just like anybody's lovely aunty. Little did we know what a fiery life she had before the Second World War.

Martin
Title: Re: Do you become emotional doing family history?
Post by: Jomot on Wednesday 12 December 18 20:08 GMT (UK)
I've become emotional a few times, and often wonder at how on earth so many young people coped with such difficult lives. 

My (illegitimate) Great Grandfather, for example, was deserted by his mother as a baby, lost his two infant children on the same day when he was just 22, and then shortly afterwards his wife ran off with another man.  How utterly alone he must have felt.

The one that really upsets me though is my GG Uncle, a member of the US Navy who was shot dead on the street in Oregon following a minor argument when he was just 25 years old.  This was in 1913, and every time I hear of a gun death in the US I get so angry that 100 years on and still nothing has been learned.
Title: Re: Do you become emotional doing family history?
Post by: Davedrave on Wednesday 12 December 18 20:41 GMT (UK)
I’ve just come across another sad episode since posting this. Mary Lea married in 1832 and that was all that my rels who originally started the FH knew of her, apart from her baptism (the marriage taken from a family bible). I’ve just found her husband John Barber, on his father’s farm in the 1841 Census, no Mary Barber. Now I’ve just found her buried in her home village, aged 21, and on the line below, same date, Mary Barber, “aged under 12 hours”. So she died giving birth to her first baby.

Correction: I misread the age, it said under 12 months. Baby Mary was baptised on 11 January and both were buried on 15th January. Still very sad.
Title: Re: Do you become emotional doing family history?
Post by: Rosinish on Wednesday 12 December 18 20:48 GMT (UK)
unfortunately I can't even claim much of an achievement in what I found out.

It seems that my naughty aunty, in the Twenties and thirties gave birth to three different children with three different men.

Ohh! I think I'd be a bit shocked etc. but it's intriguing at the same time.
Who brought up the other 2 kids & was there any contact or mention of names which now fall into place, now knowing the story?

Annie

Title: Re: Do you become emotional doing family history?
Post by: Rosinish on Wednesday 12 December 18 20:52 GMT (UK)
I’ve just found her husband John Barber, on his father’s farm in the 1841 Census, no Mary Barber. Now I’ve just found her buried in her home village, aged 21, and on the line below, same date, Mary Barber, “aged under 12 hours”. So she died giving birth to her first baby.

Correction: I misread the age, it said under 12 months. Baby Mary was baptised on 11 January and both were buried on 15th January. Still very sad.

Still sad regardless as both were very young.

Annie
Title: Re: Do you become emotional doing family history?
Post by: jaybelnz on Wednesday 12 December 18 20:57 GMT (UK)
When I'm focusing on my Scottish (New Cumnock Ayrshire) coal mining ancestors and their families, yes, I do get quite emotional. Many of them died in mining accidents, some of them not much more than children.  I have an old book about the Knochshinnoch Mining disaster in 1950, that many of my relatives were lost in, that was sent to my mother.  On the fly sheet, she has written that her "grandfather was working in the mines from the time he was 8 years old"!  It's just so hard to imagine a wee lad working underground in those conditions.  It was outlawed by that time, but it still happened, the money was needed to feed and clothe their big families!

It also makes me sad to know so that many of my older maternal relatives were injured or lost their lives in the mines, and that he and other young people were working in coal mines (and other dangerous places) at such a young age!

Also the thought that the wives were widowed, with big families to keep on little or no income!  Although I was told that they did get a little help from the Union, and the Church!  Pretty sad though!  😥
Modified to add......  I can't believe how many of my ancestor's children were born out of "wedlock" and how young the parents were!  Particularly as they were all very devout Baptists!  😃

My paternal 2xGreatgrandfather died at sea bound for Australia, the cause of his death was Sunstroke, date of death was only 10 days out from his departure from London!  Recently widowed, he was going to visit (or maybe live with) his daughter and son-in-law who lived in Melbourne!  As this death was in February, I can't fathom how he got sunstroke, when it was probably still the English Winter! 

A very kind Rootschatter who was following my Scavenger hunt at the time, found him for me on the Deaths At Sea Marine Register!
Title: Re: Do you become emotional doing family history?
Post by: iolaus on Wednesday 12 December 18 21:00 GMT (UK)
unfortunately I can't even claim much of an achievement in what I found out.

It seems that my naughty aunty, in the Twenties and thirties gave birth to three different children with three different men.

Ohh! I think I'd be a bit shocked etc. but it's intriguing at the same time.
Who brought up the other 2 kids & was there any contact or mention of names which now fall into place, now knowing the story?

Annie

I believe my grandmother did the same, it is only believe as my father thinks she had a stillborn son prior to marriage to his father in 1938.  I know she had two daughters, one was adopted the other I believe she raised (my father knew her as his eldest sister but she was married at 19 before his birth so she didn't live with him), she then married while 7 months pregnant with my aunt
Title: Re: Do you become emotional doing family history?
Post by: iolaus on Wednesday 12 December 18 21:04 GMT (UK)
On the fly sheet, she has written that her "grandfather was working in the mines from the time he was 8 years old"!  It's just so hard to imagine a wee lad working underground in those conditions.  It was outlawed by that time, but it still happened,

I remember taking my elder children down big pit in south wales, my son was 6 or 7 at the time and they pointed out he would have been old enough to work down there, and had him opening doors etc as that is what they would be doing at that age - but made us all turn off the head lights we had - as at that age they would be considered too young to be trusted with a candle/lamp so would be there all shift in the dark, waiting to hear sounds of the cart to open the doors - fun for a few minutes with plenty around you - petifying for a 12 hour shift on your own
Title: Re: Do you become emotional doing family history?
Post by: Jackiemh on Wednesday 12 December 18 21:26 GMT (UK)
Yes, I often wonder how they coped with the terrible loss of life. A couple of months ago, I found a press report on a fire which occurred in Moorgate, 1912, in which 8 girls died. Sadly, one of my relatives accidently started the fire. I can't imagine how it must have affected him but he lived until 1976.
Jackie
Title: Re: Do you become emotional doing family history?
Post by: ozlady on Thursday 13 December 18 00:52 GMT (UK)
I got very upset finding two g.g. aunts "hauling chains" in an ironworks. 10 and 11 years of age.
Title: Re: Do you become emotional doing family history?
Post by: Jang on Thursday 13 December 18 04:32 GMT (UK)
I can remember two occasions that brought me to tears.

The first was when I visited the War Memorial in Canberra and read the original account of the execution of six brave Australian soldiers who had tried to escape from a POW camp in Burma.

The second was when I discovered that my Merchant seaman great uncle, previously believed to have been lost at sea during WW2, had in fact jumped from Tower Bridge in London in the 1930s because he couldn't get work.
Title: Re: Do you become emotional doing family history?
Post by: gazania on Thursday 13 December 18 05:09 GMT (UK)
I found out only recently that the nursing sister named as a witness on my own birth certificate, died just near the end of WW2 in a POW camp in the Far East. I cherish my birth certificate more than ever as a memorial to her and all the others who served.
Title: Re: Do you become emotional doing family history?
Post by: Nanna52 on Thursday 13 December 18 05:55 GMT (UK)
I became angry when I read my great grandmothers will.  She made her oldest son executor of her will leaving a bequest to her five children.  Trouble is she had six.  My grandmother was left nothing and at the time she was a widow with a young child and not the best of health.

I have two cousins who were POW's of the Japanese and died, one at Tol Plantation and the other on a slave ship going to Japan.  I felt sorrow for the first as he had a baby daughter.

Mostly though I suffer from frustration when I can't find answers to my questions.

Title: Re: Do you become emotional doing family history?
Post by: sallyyorks on Thursday 13 December 18 07:48 GMT (UK)
When I'm focusing on my Scottish (New Cumnock Ayrshire) coal mining ancestors and their families, yes, I do get quite emotional. Many of them died in mining accidents, some of them not much more than children.


I remember taking my elder children down big pit in south wales, my son was 6 or 7 at the time and they pointed out he would have been old enough to work down there, and had him opening doors etc as that is what they would be doing at that age - but made us all turn off the head lights we had - as at that age they would be considered too young to be trusted with a candle/lamp so would be there all shift in the dark, waiting to hear sounds of the cart to open the doors - fun for a few minutes with plenty around you - petifying for a 12 hour shift on your own

I have English coal miners in my family and Yes. It was the same in England.

I have read quite a few contemporary accounts of child labour, mostly from the Royal Commissions,  and they can be extremely distressing to read.
Not in my family as far as I know but, like so many of us, my family worked in these conditions during industrialisation
Children who literally dropped dead of exhaustion at machinery. In one case two brothers within weeks of each other (that account is by an extremely angry Nonconformist preacher 1832)
Children kicked to death in mills by their overlooker (account by a Nonconformist radical reformer 1840's)
Children found dead in mine accidents, especially one account of children who had died underground from noxious gas (mines rescue eyewitness account about 1920? told to BBC radio)
Accounts of the deaths of Chimney Sweeps (various)
Children whose bones were so crippled by repeatedly working long hours at industrial machinery from a young age, that they could only 'walk backwards' (Royal Commissions on child labour 1840's)
And many more...

The good old days ?  :(

Title: Re: Do you become emotional doing family history?
Post by: River Tyne Lass on Thursday 13 December 18 09:13 GMT (UK)
A few months ago I was doing a death notice look up for someone on RootsChat and I came across a poem someone had written for a boy miner in their family.  I can't remember the words but this was so sad.  The poem read that he had set off that morning cheerful and in the best of health but then had been killed in an accident in the mine .. and that we never know when it might be out turn.  I felt so sorry for that poor little boy who had his life cut off so tragically.  Quite a few of my ancestors were miners - one died a gruesome death mangled in machinery, some like my miner Grandfather didn't live beyond middle age and quite a few became incapacitated with health problems.  My own Father narrowly escaped death when he had a pit accident in the 1960s.  I am so glad that my Dad was the last generation of miners in my family. Definitely not the good old days for the poor miners!










Title: Re: Do you become emotional doing family history?
Post by: doddsie4 on Thursday 13 December 18 09:15 GMT (UK)
Within my family, it was unknown what had happened to my grandfather's sister.       Catherine had last appeared on the 1901 Census at Uddingston, but my grandfather, if he knew, had never passed on any details to my father.      We were all in the dark.

    One day when searching for her, I saw a mysterious census for 1911, with HUNDREDS of young women all living at  the same place in London.      Information on the census was scanty but one of these woman had the same name as my missing ancestor.    It gave was her name, Catherine, date of birth, born in Scotland.    Could it be her?     Million to one chance!      ....And what kind of a place could this be with all these women anyway?     I was mystified.     Eventually, after going through page after page of this census, I discovered that all these women were in fact living at the Salvation Army headquarters in London, training to be Salvation Army Officers!      It couldn't be her, could it?

      I sensed it would be a complete waste of time - but I took the bull by the horns and wrote to the Salvation Army, asking if they might have any details about this Catherine from the 1911 census.      I didn't hold out much hope.    I was convinced it would be someone else.

      ...A short while later, I was dumbfounded to receive an amazing letter from the Salvation Army, telling me EVERYTHING about her - and enclosed was a brilliant, large photograph of her in full S.A. uniform with another S.A. officer she had married in 1907.
   
       The letter explained that Catherine & her husband were very well known to them and they had both been sent out as Missionaries to India, and that's where they had been all there lives, helping the poor, the sick and dying.     They were visiting Leper Colonies, treking over hills on horseback and struggling across remote rivers, just to reach these distant Leper Colonies.      Shivers ran up and down my spine as I read this.     Just couldn't stop the tears.

     Catherine only returned to the U.K. when she became ill in the 1930's and she died shortly after in England.      .... So now I knew what had happened to my long lost ancestor.       She had led a completely unselfish life, devoting herself to helping other people.        How wonderful is that?
Title: Re: Do you become emotional doing family history?
Post by: louisa maud on Thursday 13 December 18 09:19 GMT (UK)
Yes, this lark is emotional but the way I get over it is to convince myself there is nothing I can do about it, it is history and we cannot change it, sad as some things were

Thank God, for most of us our lives are so much better and hopefully the world is a much more understanding place to be, although with what is going on right now I question it

Happy Christmas everyone

Louisa Maud
Title: Re: Do you become emotional doing family history?
Post by: River Tyne Lass on Thursday 13 December 18 09:25 GMT (UK)
These stories on here have made me feel quite emotional .. what a catalogue of suffering. :'(

It made me feel particularly emotional reading about the poor girl who had the baby out of wedlock and then spent the rest of her life in institutions.  I have come across stories like this before but I do think it really beggars belief how inhumanely unmarried mothers were treated back in the day .. and no one ever seems to have thought of punishing the putative father in like fashion ..
Title: Re: Do you become emotional doing family history?
Post by: River Tyne Lass on Thursday 13 December 18 09:36 GMT (UK)
Wow doddsie what a wonderful story!!  At least a happy emotional experience for you.  Catherine is certainly an ancestor to be proud of .. I am happy for you in being able to find out all this ..  :)
Title: Re: Do you become emotional doing family history?
Post by: mike175 on Thursday 13 December 18 09:40 GMT (UK)
I usually remain detached during my research but sometimes when I'm writing up my findings I do find myself getting emotionally involved. I have copies of some letters written to my grandmother by three of her brothers who were serving in the Great War. One was killed in France and one returned without his right arm (I did meet him once and to this day I can still picture him holding out his left hand to shake hands - that sort of thing makes an impression on a small boy), only the eldest of the three survived.

An earlier ancestor lost his first wife three months after they married, then married again and had four children who all died in infancy followed by his second wife. After that he seems to have had four illegitimate children with a third woman, eventually marrying her and increasing their family to eight, although only six of them survived childhood.

The fact that so many others suffered similarly can't have made it any easier to bear these losses.
Title: Re: Do you become emotional doing family history?
Post by: jaybelnz on Thursday 13 December 18 21:18 GMT (UK)
A few months ago I was doing a death notice look up for someone on RootsChat and I came across a poem someone had written for a boy miner in their family.  I can't remember the words but this was so sad.  The poem read that he had set off that morning cheerful and in the best of health but then had been killed in an accident in the mine .. and that we never know when it might be out turn.  I felt so sorry for that poor little boy who had his life cut off so tragically.  Quite a few of my ancestors were miners - one died a gruesome death mangled in machinery, some like my miner Grandfather didn't live beyond middle age and quite a few became incapacitated with health problems.  My own Father narrowly escaped death when he had a pit accident in the 1960s.  I am so glad that my Dad was the last generation of miners in my family. Definitely not the good old days for the poor miners!

Something similar on our the news this morning!  Tragic!

The family of a four-year-old girl were there when she was killed at an Auckland rugby ground.
http://www.stuff.co.nz/auckland/109344495/young-girl-dead-after-incident-in-south-auckland-involving-rugby-scrum-machine?cid=app-iPad

What a shocking tragedy. A dreadful thing to happen at any time, but right on Christmas??  It'll never be the same again for this family!  I see that this has happened before to another wee girl, (the daughter of an All Black), these contraptions should be locked away securely when not in use.  It's a club's responsibility to make sure this never happens again !  R.I.P. little sweetheart! 💞💞
Title: Re: Do you become emotional doing family history?
Post by: Finley 1 on Friday 14 December 18 00:09 GMT (UK)
Darn it YES

I have just discovered  - someone STOLE  one of my photos

Yes it is on my TREE  but that is PRIVATE  and it is off NOW all photos coming OFF now..

Communicate with me and ask.. You who nicked the pic have it placed in your tree .. and guess what
It is under the incorrect name...

Due to the fact after further research I realised that it was NOT the lady I originally thought it to be...

I know dont put it out there if you dont want it nicked...

dsffjdflkfkljfiea'#ghj;9okdfah

xin  slightly angry ... will calm ... down.. but I may well have shared had they asked.. but NO just take its easier..  Sfgdsfiogfkjpoiie
Title: Re: Do you become emotional doing family history?
Post by: jaybelnz on Friday 14 December 18 03:17 GMT (UK)
Unfortunately, photos and other records come up in search results even if it's a private tree!  (On Ancestry anyway) I've had them taken off mine, and the person had the cheek to change my mother's name to her sister's!  Needless to say I didn't tell her she had it wrong, but how many genuine researchers will now have the wrong name for my MUM if they're finding this other persons copies!

I'm always happy to share anything on my tree, but it doesn't take much to at least contact me first and ask permission!  Just good old fashioned courtesy, and good manners!
Title: Re: Do you become emotional doing family history?
Post by: Finley 1 on Friday 14 December 18 11:12 GMT (UK)
Ancestry is at fault with its 'HINTS' thrown at people and if you double check .. they are often incorrect but almost correct and so someone who is absolutley ---- just clicking keys to fill a tree will click and copy

WRONG

I am over it a little but that lady's pic was carried around by my G. G. grandfather for years in his wallet/pocket  there was a note with it when I re-discovered it.. and a terrible mess it was in..

But beautiful once it had been on here..

uhm

xin