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General => The Common Room => The Lighter Side => Topic started by: Ringrose on Sunday 18 October 15 13:02 BST (UK)
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My paternal grandfather was one of 10 children.A few years ago ,through Genes Reunited I was able to make contact with his brothers family.When I met up with a member of today's family they were amazed that they had other relations.I can't remember my father ever talking about his aunts and uncles and I do wonder if Ive found out more about them than my father or grandfather knew.
Certainly my parents would be amazed about the things Ive found out about their ancestors.
Ringrose
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I knew of my g aunts and uncles. And I actually met one of them, my maternal grandfather's sister who didn't die until I was 18. Unfortunately, the only one who had children was my grandfather. One of his sisters adopted a son (who from getting birth certs I found out was actually her husband's child with a maid who worked in a nearby house!) and I probably met him when I was a child but I don't remember. My mother was always talking about her aunts and uncles on her mother's side of the family, and even about her g.aunts and uncles. Although she'd never met her maternal g.aunts and uncles, her older sisters had.
On the other hand, my paternal grandfather told his family he was an orphan without siblings so his children never knew that they had paternal aunts and uncles. They knew their maternal aunts and uncles, I even met four of them, 2 from my g.gran's first marriage (so I guess they were half g.aunts) and 2 from my g.gran's relationship with my g.grandfather.
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Interesting....Some of mine moved away from the area they were brought up in and I had the thought that in those days their only contact would be by letter ...no phone calls pre 1940 really with my lot.I think my Dad was the first to have a phone .
Ringrode
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I must be very fortunate!!
As far as I know, I knew - and met - all of my great aunts and uncles! Admittedly, I was quite young in the case of some, and the memory is hazy.
However, have to say that the more recent connections are almost nil on the one side, and on the other side because that generation did not have that many children - then there are very few to know, but that side I have had contact with in the last few years. I guess with the death of my parents then the link begins to get a little thinner!
FS
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Slightly different, but my grandfather and his siblings apparently only knew one cousin, and she was a cousin once removed as her mother was actually their cousin, daughter of their mother's eldest brother (there was a 20 year age gap between their mother and her eldest sibling). As their father was an only child, there weren't any first cousins on that side. Research has shown on their mother's side they did have quite a number of cousins, many of whom lived in the same area of East London to them, so its sad that they only knew one cousin's daughter. It may unfortunately have had something to do with the fact their parents had a "shotgun" wedding five months before my Great Aunt was born and then they ended up with the family home after their maternal grandmother died. But who knows. :-\ Family relationships can be strange things even now.
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When I started looking into OH's family tree, he told me his father knew nothing about his paternal family "You won't find anything about them". To our surprise they were VERY easy to find, and in fact lived for many years a couple of miles away from OH's father, uncle and grandparents. There were several aunts, uncles and cousins. Father-in-law's mother was a tartar and apparently always implied she had 'married beneath her' OH remembers his grandfather being made to eat his meal in the scullery while they ate round the table :o so we can only assume she forbade all contact with her husband's family. OH was quite upset his father had died before the first censuses came online, he would have loved to know that side of his family.
I was lucky - my grandmother was the eldest of a large family and the great-uncles were not much older than my dad, so I grew up knowing them and their families. :)
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My father never met most of his aunts, uncles & cousins -- on either side of his family
He knew of them through Christmas cards etc exchanged between the families but visits were non-existent
He grew up in Birmingham / Cheshire, his relations were in London, Weymouth, Gloucestershire so distances might have made meetings difficult but not impossible
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I think it's geographic and linked to "the oldest female". While families are close in distance and the "old mum" is still alive, they'll naturally see each other several times/year when visiting mum. The closer they are, the more opportunity they'll then have to arrange other get togethers. If they live in the same street they'll be hanging out together a lot.
Once the oldest female dies, they've no central hub to congregate around for significant holidays and their households become the ones with the oldest female and their descendants do the same again.
More than 2 miles apart, they probably only saw each other 2-3x a year (mum/dad's birthdays, Xmas and possibly one big/local/annual feast day) ....
Travel is difficult and expensive - and time off is limited/precious. Out of sight, out of mind.
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Now of course with the Internet families living mikes away ,the other side of the world can actually see each other as they speak.Think my parents would have been amazed at modern technology....as indeed I am
Ringrose
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Well I definitely know 2 who did!! They were brothers who married sisters
I think the point about dominant female is true as my great grandmother and most G-uncles and G-aunts lived in Port Pirie , we lived in Adelaide and my grandparents lived in the South East- so even though Pt Pirie was closer we always went south-east
Though one special old bird always visited my nanna (her sister) and still wearing miniskirts at 70. Lovely crazy wonderful woman died 6 months shy of 100.
Met a few at weddings but could have walked past them on the street and not known them
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I also had three great uncles who married three sisters between 1900 and 1910.I know the sisters supported each other but two of my great uncles left their families.One had 5 daughters and was told by his wife to go and not contact his daughters.It has remained a mystery why and also where he went....he had a common name.The other one treated his wife badly and also left home but he had contact with his three daughters.
Ringrose
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I think it's geographic and linked to "the oldest female". While families are close in distance and the "old mum" is still alive, they'll naturally see each other several times/year when visiting mum.
And even more so if "Mum" is widowed relatively young. Both my grandmothers were widowed in their early sixties and went on to live more than 25 years afterwards. But I don't think it always "mum" that holds everything together. Both my grandmothers had sisters who never married and they were every bit as active in keeping in touch with their nephews and nieces and great nephews and nieces.
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On my maternal side I know they knew about each other as that is how I knew about them and met them, I know one moved to Ireland and I remember going over to visit and my mother still writes to her cousin, another moved to Canada although returned but two adult cousins of my mother remained there and made their lives there, again I remember when very young them coming over for a visit and meeting them , I have via FH research been in contact with their descendants who I didn't know about from 'family'
My great grandfather was previously married which 'family' didn't know, my grandmother did say she thought "her mother was previously married but no one talked about that or asked questions so she didn't really know" turned out it was her father and who I thought and she thought was a full sister was actually her half sister from his previous marriage, also found she had 4 other half siblings all who had died hours or days old. My regret was that my grandma had died before I found this all out as I would have loved to have shared that with her.
On my paternal side was a different story, my father was an only child his mother died when he was 4yrs old and I only met one great aunt, my grandfathers sister so my paternal side of the family are all 'new' to me and only found out about from FH researching.
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On my paternal side was a different story, my father was an only child
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so my paternal side of the family are all 'new' to me and only found out about from FH researching.
Same here. Only met my dads cousin at grandmothers funeral. But very fortunate as he had the family history ( to some extent) and passed a lot to me , giving me the impetus to follow the lines
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My grandfather was the eldest of 13 children and the only one who visited him was the one who emigrated to Canada , when she was back in the UK . He seems to have had no contact with those who lived in the same town or a few miles away. My father did not know his paternal aunts and uncles but had regular contact with his mother's sisters. Only after my father's death did I meet one of granddad's younger sisters, a lovely lady who was able to give me some family history. The other siblings all seemed to be in regular contact but my grandfather chose to cut himself off . Apparently there was no big row he just had no interest in his family. Large families are not always close.
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It's right about mum keeping in touch with everyone. When my mum died and I got her address book I found she was in touch with all my cousins and aunts and uncles and even her father's cousin!
I was in touch with the aunts and uncles - the ones still alive and a couple of cousins. I wrote to all my cousins and got replies from a couple of the ones I wasn't in touch with, one has since died, but it seems since mum died most of the cousins I wasn't in touch with aren't interested anyway. Perhaps because they were mostly male and younger than me. My female cousins have kept in touch.
Interestingly my grandfather's cousin who was a similar age to my mother died a few months after my mum, but whilst she was still alive I was able to ask her for info about my grandfather and his family. She didn't have any photographs of my g. grandfather, but did have one of his brother - her father - which she sent to me. She told me they looked very alike, so that was a plus. Sadly she died before she was able to look out any further photos.
Lizzie
ps. I hope my children and grandchildren keep in touch after I'm gone - and I'm not going anywhere for many years yet - my children all keep in touch although they do live fairly close to each other, apart from one in USA - and my older grandchildren keep in touch with each other, albeit mainly by Facebook.
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When my mother died I too went through her address book, and wrote to all the names there - most of whom she'd faithfully been sending Christmas cards to for years.
I worked out that I had to say to them that I didn't quite know who they were, but I was informing them that Mum had died, and I politely asked them if they'd been friends or relatives, and enclosed s.a.e.s.
Hardly anyone bothered to reply. One replied and said that they didn't want any contact! (Not quite what I'd said) - and later when I started researching, I realised that several must from the names and locations have been relatives I didn't know of. Ah well.
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I was lucky on my mum's side of the family I knew all of my grandmother's siblings. In fact I stayed with some of them when I was younger. They were a close family and they visited with each other a lot.
cheers
anne
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ThrelfallYorky - I did know who everyone was in my mother's address book, it was just that I hadn't kept in touch with most of my cousins. I knew all my uncles and aunts but I only knew one of my maternal grandfather's siblings and none of any of the other grandfather (he lied and said he was an orphan) nor any of my grandmothers' siblings. My mother was next to the youngest in her family, so most of her aunts and uncles had died long before I arrived on the scene.
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I don't think they did. A letter from 1855 came to light, where a woman wrote to her cousin to find information regarding their fathers' (2 brothers) family. My 3xGGF had moved from Wakefield to Alnwick (as a single man) and married there, producing a family of 10 children. One of these children wrote to her aunt to find out about her father's siblings; a nephew of the aunt, thus the cousin of the original correspondent, wrote back with some information. Surprisingly, he wrote that his dad (my 3XGGF's brother) was most upset that he had not been informed about the death of his brother some 8 years previously! My grandfather was rarely in touch with his siblings and, until I started researching her family tree, I knew nothing about my grandmother's family; even my mother didn't mention her cousins or aunts/uncles. And it was the same with Himself's family - although when I first started my father-in-law was alive and was able to give me a little info, but really very little. A different world nowadays it would seem.
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There are one set of cousins I have no memory of ever seeing. They lived/live in WA and even when I moved there for a decade I never caught up with them.
I would not know them if I walked past them