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General => The Common Room => The Lighter Side => Topic started by: Vasquez109 on Tuesday 11 October 11 19:49 BST (UK)
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My grandfather died last week and besides feeling upset, I also feel very angry.
Angry with myself because, I've always been (for a long time now) saying I'll go up and visit him tomorrow. But tomorrow never came as I was too tired coming home from work, or had things to do.
I had some photos of him as a baby with older rellies (or are they?) which now nobody knows who they are, and sadly will never find out. Right up until he died, he was in sound mind and could tell long stories about what he did years ago, info on other relatives. And he would have gladly shared all this if id taken the time to visit him.
I just don't want anyone else to make the same mistakes I have, please see your elderly relatives. Make the time! Once they're gone, a chance to find out valuable information is also gone forever.
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Vasquez,
I'm sorry for your loss.
Lisa
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My commiserations on your loss. A close (more elderly) cousin died suddenly last week after a fall, and allthough we spoke regularly on the phone for hours, I still feel that we still had so much more to say. Sadly, I don't think there is ever a time when feel that we've said all we want to say.
My thoughts are with you at this sad time.
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Thank you both for your kind words.
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Please accept my condolences too, Vasquez. I, too, am forever berating myself for not asking my grandparents and great- aunts and uncles for family history.
Mrs. T.
P.S. - are your Lincolnshire Hales from Navenby?
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Sorry to hear that Vasquez, don`t be hard on yourself, it is a common occurence and we have all some experience of "if only".
My children have no interest in family history. They never ask questions or want to know what their grand and greatgrandparents did etc . No curiosity whatsoever in their ancestors and it grieves me because boy are there some stories to tell!
Tales of endurance and great fortitude , immense sadness borne with dignity and without counselling -- like losing three babies and a teenager in the space of three months. What did grandma do---- adopt a family left destitute by their father and orphaned when the mum died .
Well grandma had only had 12 children of her own!!!!.
I`m glad my mum and dad did tell us stories of when they were young especially as they were older than the average age of parents so the memories were from much earlier than would usually have been the case.
Remember him by doing something for someone, it is very healing and a good way to mark his time on this earth. He would not want you to feel guilty . A lesser person would not care as deeply about this as you obviously do.. Cheerio and kind regards. Viktoria.
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Thanks Viktoria. Comforting words :)
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Our children and most younger people in fact are quite naturally not always interested in family history- I think we can remember ourselves when younger and busier and understand why this is: it is the business of the young to look to the future, to work hard and think ahead.
I feel sure that my lads will eventually have the leisure to be interested in their ancestors - all the more reason, then, to create an account of our history for them. I have written the story of all the branches of the family for them, they have read it and expressed a polite interest, their attention mainly being grabbed by more dramatic episodes in wartime or when a young roust-about relative was sent to jail for breaking into a lady's house and running wildly down the lane waving stolen undergarments in the air! Clearly he'd had too much to drink. He narrowly missed being sent as a convict to Australia.
My condolences, Velasques, on your loss.
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I think youre right. I remember myself as a young lad about 20 years ago and remember being bored to tears seeing a photo album. My parents and grandparents used to chat about photos and always tried sneaking off to watch TV!
As we get older, it is natural to think about how we are in our current situation. I just wished it had started a bit earlier in my case (Im now 31!)
David.
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Sad indeed David ...... unfortunately none of us know when someone will be lost to us.
Like others have said on this topic about their children not having a great interest in family history I have experienced the same and despaired somewhat as a result.
But because I have become the old sage of my family history it so happened that I found that my son in law's line were having a grand get together this month on the Riverina (Southern NSW) I told my son in law and his son (my grandson ..now 27) and they immediately contacted the organizers to get the details and will attend ..... the estimates are that over 200 will be present,some from overseas,......... so you will appreciate the tales and information that will be swapped and I know that my two attendees will have a totally different attitude to family history now.
David at age 31 you have it all before you as to how you discover more about your grandad ......... I started my family interests at age 74 (now 84) and am amazed at what I have learned by using any resource .......... rootschat alone has been a great help.
Just start asking questions ......... we are all here to help and support.
Joe
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My condolences to you for the loss of your grandfather, Vasquez.
I think we all have the stories of the one that got away. In my case it was my father. I was never that close to him until my mother died then we seemed to ‘bond’. He rarely spoke about his family or his past but in the last couple of years of his life he hinted at some war-time escapades but, unfortunately, I never followed it up. I never knew my grandfather because he died before I was born but how I wish I had questioned my father about him now.
It was about 10 years later that I got interested in family history and all I keep thinking now is ‘I bet my dad would have found all this interesting’, but, of course it is too late.
Regrets and anger are all part of your grief and they will fade in time. As you find the answers to the questions you would have asked your grandfather, the grief will fade even more.
Don’t be too hard on yourself.
Rishile
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I'm sorry to hear of your loss Vasquez, and doubly sorry to hear of your regrets. As others have pointed out, don't be hard on yourself. Life gets in the way. Take solace in the fact that you're honouring & enjoying the past with your interest in FH.
My grandmother passed away in July in her 101st year. She was with the picture until 4 days before she died and I enjoyed our visits. Six weeks AFTER she died, a distant relative contacted me to see if I could confirm that there was a third child born to my grandma's parents that didn't survive. It was the first I'd heard of it, but he thinks he found a baptismal record for a 4-day-old baby - & he apparently found the record YEARS ago.
It could be so, though my dad, uncle & aunt have no recollection of hearing of it. Why on earth did this fellow wait so long to ask the question when there was only 1 person that could provide the answer? ::) Those are the joys of our hobby.
Take care Vasquez & give yourself time to enjoy the memories you have of grandfather.