RootsChat.Com
General => The Common Room => Topic started by: Hanford on Friday 01 July 11 13:57 BST (UK)
-
Hello all,
I wondered if I could pick your brains on this as I'm in two minds about what to do ::)
Recently I found out that my Nan's uncle ( her father's brother ) is still alive in his 90s, but is riddled with cancer, my Nan and her siblings lost touch with all of her father's side of the family after her dad died.
I have his address after one of her cousins I found gave me it, but I'm wondering whether or not to write to him as he's very sick?
What would you do? Write or not? ??? ???
-
Yes write.
I have recently come in contact with a closely related but long lost cousin. He too is riddled with cancer &, just days after we made contact, learned he has less than 12 months to live.
We had a chat on the phone just before he learned of his diagnosis a month or so ago & have kept in touch weekly by e-mail since then.
He always wanted to return to see his roots in Scotland (which I'm doing in a few weeks). I'm going to make him a photo journal of the family tree & the things I see & do. He won't have it for long, but it will enable him to live vicariously.
And .... have you followed Xnia's thread the last few weeks called Am I Awful? She followed up with a 90+ gentelman & it has turned out very well.
Good luck. Don't wait. He doesn't have long.
-
http://www.rootschat.com/forum/index.php/topic,540472.0.html
Here's the link to Xinia's connection & good fortune. May your luck be as good as hers. :)
-
Thank you RedMystic, was greatly in need of some reassurance. :)
It's lovely you managed to get in contact with him before it's too late, but really sad he hasn't got long left to live :'(
Thanks for the link ;D I just had a look at Xina's thread and I@m so lglad it all worked out well for her! ;D It's nice when things turn out like that :)
Thank you again! :)
Best get writing :)
-
Hello
Go ahead and write.... if you get no response at least you tried... Dont push yourself .. (it is so difficult not to)
tread carefully and enjoy.... we must treasure these people.
xin
:) :)
all the best
-
Hello
Go ahead and write.... if you get no response at least you tried... Dont push yourself .. (it is so difficult not to)
tread carefully and enjoy.... we must treasure these people.
xin
:) :)
all the best
Thank you :) :) I really appreciate your words :) :)
I've finished writing it and it sounds ok... Just a bit wonky as it was written on plain paper ::)
It would be nice to get a reply from him or his family but I would understand if not... Just finding his address now! I know the road, but FindMyPast doesn't come up with him or his wife living there now... Hope it's not too late :-\ :-\
-
(Include a self-addressed envelope ;))
... good luck ...
:)
-
(Include a self-addressed envelope ;))
... good luck ...
:)
I never thought of that ;D Thank you! I will do ;D ;D
-
Finger's crossed. As had been said, even if you do not get a reply, at least you tried and hopefully, the fact that you made the effort will (hopefully :-\) be appreciated.
Tipple
:)
-
It cant hurt to try -- and even if he isnt interested in making contact, other relatives might be
Soon after I started doing my husband's family tree (back in the 90's) i sent a copy of the family tree as far as I had found to what i hoped was my mother-in-law's cousin ( we had lost touch with that branch of the family, but the name & location made it pretty evident it was the right person)
I heard nothing back, so just put it down to no interest.
Then a couple years ago (15 years after i sent out the tree) i was contacted by this person's grandson. The copy of the tree i compiled had been passed onto the cousin's daughter and finally to him - and had sparked off his interest in family history!
-
Finger's crossed. As had been said, even if you do not get a reply, at least you tried and hopefully, the fact that you made the effort will (hopefully :-\) be appreciated.
Tipple
:)
Thanks Tipple :)
I think there may have been some sort of family feud as it's been 60 years since my Nan last saw/spoke to her father's side so hopefully all is forgiven now ;D
Hopefully like you say, he will appreciate the letter, I'd be so embarrassed to get a really grumpy letter back saying "go away" or something :-[ :D
It cant hurt to try -- and even if he isnt interested in making contact, other relatives might be
Soon after I started doing my husband's family tree (back in the 90's) i sent a copy of the family tree as far as I had found to what i hoped was my mother-in-law's cousin ( we had lost touch with that branch of the family, but the name & location made it pretty evident it was the right person)
I heard nothing back, so just put it down to no interest.
Then a couple years ago (15 years after i sent out the tree) i was contacted by this person's grandson. The copy of the tree i compiled had been passed onto the cousin's daughter and finally to him - and had sparked off his interest in family history!
Wow, after 15 years that must have been a lovely surprise to hear back! ;D
-
If you do get a grumpy ....go away .... letter back... Dont take that on board as your 'fault'.... whatever happened in the past is NOT your fault... especially since you havent been told about it alllllll through your life. So go with it and if its not good - then file it - You will know you tried to mend bridges..
xin ;)
-
Ahhh thank you :)
I think if I was him I'd be over the moon about somebody wanting to find him. So hopefully he'll be happy and it'll bring a smile to his face ;D
It'll feel a bit weird if he does write or phone back, never thought I'd get to chance to speak to my great grandfathers brother! :o ;D
family history is brilliant ;D
Maybe it'll go as well as it did for you! ;D
If you do get a grumpy ....go away .... letter back... Dont take that on board as your 'fault'.... whatever happened in the past is NOT your fault... especially since you havent been told about it alllllll through your life. So go with it and if its not good - then file it - You will know you tried to mend bridges..
xin ;)
-
Yes I do hope so... Good luck
:)
xin
-
Yes I do hope so... Good luck
:)
xin
Thank you :) :) :) :)
-
It cant hurt to try --
Absolutely.
-
It cant hurt to try --
Absolutely.
;D ;D ;D
So it is a resounding yes, thanks all :)... Letter written and posted :o Butterflies with big boots currently stomping around in my belly :D :D
-
Hi Rachey,
Please let us know the outcome (whether good or bad) - I am sure we will all be waiting with bated breath and finger's crossed!. Even to be able to approach such a relative from way back is awesome 8).
Tipple
-
Hello ;D
I will indeed I promise ;D ;D
It is really really awesome! He must have so many memories of people ;D Maybe he'll know why his dad was called Paddy even though he wasn't remotely Irish and was really called Thomas :D
-
Rachey,
I have a friend whose husband's name is Ray but, for some reason he is now referred to by his family as Joe! ;D ;D
Tipple
-
Rachey,
I have a friend whose husband's name is Ray but, for some reason he is now referred to by his family as Joe! ;D ;D
Tipple
:D :D
Some nicknames make no sense :D ;D
-
Well ;D ;D ;D
I have not long gotten off the phone with to my Great Great uncle Charlie.
He was absolutely lovely!
Overwhelmed by the letter and had re read it 6 times... He started to get a bit emotional towards the end so his wife took over and all I could hear was him shouting " Thank you" ;D ;D
Thank you to the people who said to write! You were right in saying so and it was an amazing outcome... I think I'm in shock :D :D
-
wonderful absolutely :)
xin
-
Rachey,
I am so happy for you :), but at the same time so sad :'(. I bet your ggUCharlie thought he had no-one interested in him and, with a bit of luck, he might just have something to keep him going!.
Well done for having the courage to do this, with the encouragement of the lovely people on this site.
Thanks for letting us know the outcome - I have thought about you all week, waiting to see you post again
Tipple :-*
-
A wonderful result for all concerned :D so happy for you ;D
Heather
-
wonderful absolutely :)
xin
Thank you ;D ;D
Rachey,
I am so happy for you :), but at the same time so sad :'(. I bet your ggUCharlie thought he had no-one interested in him and, with a bit of luck, he might just have something to keep him going!.
Well done for having the courage to do this, with the encouragement of the lovely people on this site.
Thanks for letting us know the outcome - I have thought about you all week, waiting to see you post again
Tipple :-*
Thank you Tipple ;D :-*
He's such an amazing man, really funny and kind, and actually very interested in family history, at last a relative who is ;D ;D
He's sending me some photo's of my great granddad Harry so that's lovely, we only hhave a couple so great to get more :) :)
A wonderful result for all concerned :D so happy for you ;D
Heather
Thank you, it really is!
I'll be talking about this for ever, people will get fed up ::) ;D ;D
-
Hi Rachey
Like Tipple & others, I was waiting with fingers crossed that you would have a great response. Reading of your experience gave me goose bumps.
Well done. You've obviously handled the situation sensitively. It is not often that one can touch someone's heart & you've obviously been able to do that.
Thanks for sharing your story.
-
Thank you RedMystic :) :) :-*
I'd really not have written to him without the go ahead from you and the others so thank you! ;D ;D
We didn't get much said really as it was mostly along the lines of " Thank you so much for writting.....Thank you so much for replying" etc :D I think we were both really taken back :D :D
Thanks again everybody :-*
-
It is always worth trying.
I wrote to a long lost relative two years ago, her daughter wanted to contact her after she was put up for adoption at 4 weeks old.
We hesitated for a week before trying, and the elderly lady died within that week.
Well done on making an elderly man noticeably happy :)
Matt ;)
-
It is always worth trying.
I wrote to a long lost relative two years ago, her daughter wanted to contact her after she was put up for adoption at 4 weeks old.
We hesitated for a week before trying, and the elderly lady died within that week.
Well done on making an elderly man noticeably happy :)
Matt ;)
Did she receive the letter before passing away or was it too late? :-\
Either way it's really sad :-\ :-\
Thank you :-*
My good deed for the year ;D
-
Rachey,
Unfortunately the lady in question died just four days before I found her on the electoral rolls for that year...so we literally only just missed her. But in hindsight she would have been very ill and it would not have been best to drop such a bombshell onto a dying lady.
But things worked out ok. Two of her daughters have met after not knowing each other existed.
This is certainly your good deed and you should be proud. It gives you such a buzz. Well done :)
Regards,
Matt ;)
-
Good Morning :)
That is such a shame :-\ But it is lovely her daughters have met, must have been amazing to find out you have a sister who you knew nothing about :)
Thank you Matt ;) :-*
Had a few more phone calls from him... Strangely enough my aunt has been into his son's shop quite a few times... Weird! Getting served by your 2nd cousin... Talk about fate :D :D
-
Such a good news story Rachey, very pleased for you especially that you've had the opportunity to communicate with an elderly relative in time to share some stories, something so many of us have missed out on :) mare
modified to correct typos ;)
-
Thank you :) I do feel very very lucky to be able to talk to him, would be nice if more people got this type of opportunity :)
-
WELL
I have just got back from visiting my recently found rellie and 'Jackpot' he had photos of my gt.grandfather and gt. gt. grandfather on my dads side... that I had been searching for for absolutely ages... I am now so blessed
they will soon be on restoration pages... for a tidy up...
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
xin
-
Oh wow!!
You are so lucky ;D ;D
Can't wait to see them on the restoration board ;D
Did he let you keep them too? ;D ;D
-
No bless him, I said can I borrow them until tomorrow and got a VERY definate no... so luckily I had my camera and managed to snap them, which is why they have to go on the board... He did give me one of my Nan Esther so thats ok... and has said he will ask his carer to get copies....
we will see.
;)
xin
-
:D :D
Does he think you're gonna leg it with his pictures? ;D
Just had a look at the photos, they're lovely ;D
Hopefully you can get copies of them off him ;D
-
thank you...
yes he probably did ... there precious pics.....
xin
-
Have to say... it would be very tempting to do that as they are great pictures ;D
it was very sweet of him to find them for you :)
-
Whats great is... his memory is STILL INTACT.... thank Gooooooodness for that.
he is lovely, and talks and talks and talks xxxxxxx bless him
xin
-
I can't wait to get to the memory stage, we're still at the Thank you's :D
sometimes the memories ar ebetter than the pictures itself... You're so lucky to have both memory and picturer ;D ;D ;D
-
I have only just caught up with this thread. Well done Rachey this is wonderful.
Chirp
-
Thank you Chirp ;D
He sent me a few pictures yesterday, one of him in the navy in ww2, and one of all his family now, there's so much likeness wit his family and mine, it's lovely ;D ;D
-
That's fantastic!
-
Rachey,
This thread has given me the courage to do something I have been dithering about for absolutely ages. I found that one of my father's cousins is still alive and in her early eighties. From there, I tracked down her sons and for the last few months I have been wondering how an email to one of them would be received. Having followed your progress and hearing of your huge success ( congratulations by the way, you must be thrilled), I decided to throw caution to the wind and to have a go.
This afternoon, I wrote a carefully constructed email, saying who I am and making it clear that I was after nothing other than family information and maybe photographs.
Less than two hours later, I had a reply. Perfectly friendly, though bewildered as to how I had found him - plainly he doesn't know how a genealogist's brain works - and he has suggested that I contact his mother, which is exactly what I wanted. I know where she lives, though not exactly and if this all goes to plan, I might just have to bring forward my next trip to the North of Scotland! :D :D
Thank you for keeping us all up to date. I hope others will follow your example. It certainly seems to have worked for me.
Jen :)
-
Rachey,
This thread has given me the courage to do something I have been dithering about for absolutely ages. I found that one of my father's cousins is still alive and in her early eighties. From there, I tracked down her sons and for the last few months I have been wondering how an email to one of them would be received. Having followed your progress and hearing of your huge success ( congratulations by the way, you must be thrilled), I decided to throw caution to the wind and to have a go.
This afternoon, I wrote a carefully constructed email, saying who I am and making it clear that I was after nothing other than family information and maybe photographs.
Less than two hours later, I had a reply. Perfectly friendly, though bewildered as to how I had found him - plainly he doesn't know how a genealogist's brain works - and he has suggested that I contact his mother, which is exactly what I wanted. I know where she lives, though not exactly and if this all goes to plan, I might just have to bring forward my next trip to the North of Scotland! :D :D
Thank you for keeping us all up to date. I hope others will follow your example. It certainly seems to have worked for me.
Jen :)
That is fantastic!!
Well done for being brave ;D
It's scary not knowing what people's reaction will be, but again it seems a very positive one ;D
I bet your father's cousin will be over the moon that someone has done alot of research just to find her :)
Hopefully she'll have loads of memories and photographs that she'll share with you :) :)
-
I was going to phone , but after reading everyones response to your thread I decided,to write, so there are 8 letters been sent to South Africa , hope at least one person replies!
;D
-
I bet your father's cousin will be over the moon that someone has done alot of research just to find her :)
Hopefully she'll have loads of memories and photographs that she'll share with you :) :)
Way back in the 1970s, her father ( my great uncle) wrote a long letter to my father, giving masses of family history information. He was one of seven children so there was a lot to tell! He also gave us lots on his own mother and her siblings - all ten of them!
I now have that letter in my family history files so if I do speak, or write, to this cousin of my dad's I can tell her how helpful her father was. It'll give a talking point anyway. I'm quite excited now! ;D
-
Good luck Jen, hope you will let us know how you get on. Have you seen Xinia's thread (I think it's called "Am I Awful")? - These successful approaches to distant relatives suggest that if in doubt it's probably better to take the plunge!! I wrote on Xinias's thread about my failed attempt to make contact with someone (she wasn't the relative but a friend of the relative) but it wouldn't prevent me from doing it again in another circumstance. I have also had success in such a situation and was very glad that I had sent that first letter.
Chirp
-
I shall certainly let you know what the outcome is, whether it is good or bad. I did see Xinia's thread, yes. I'm always interested in how others approach what can be a tricky situation, especially when the person being contacted is elderly and therefore possibly quite vulnerable.
Over the past ten years or so, I have been pretty lucky in that I have found several distant family members and almost all have been friendly and willing to help as far as they have been able. But I still feel quite anxious with each new one. Silly really because the worst that can happen is an unfriendly reply and given that I shall almost certainly never actually meet any of these people in the flesh, what does it matter if they throw my questions back in my face. ;)
-
I know what you mean. The problem is you can feel rather guilty if you feel that you have caused someone any discomfort by your approach. This is most likely of course in the event that there has been some kind of family feud. Overall though I think it's better to send a carefully worded letter than not do it and always wonder what would have happened if you had!
Chirp
-
I was going to phone , but after reading everyones response to your thread I decided,to write, so there are 8 letters been sent to South Africa , hope at least one person replies!
;D
Good luck with your letters! I hope you get plenty of replies ;D ;D
-
When I restarted my tree about 10 years ago, I started to spend more time on my mother's side than I had previously. I was taken aback to discover that my maternal grandfather had only died a couple of years previously - about 6 years after his daughter, my mother, had died.
I'd always thought he'd died during the war. But no, they'd divorced and he remarried. My mother never spoke about him. I then discovered from the electoral rolls that his wife was still living in Suffolk.
So I was then in your position.
Unfortunately I didn't even get a response, so I hope you have better luck than I had.
-
well of course I will let you know if I get a response, good or bad!
fingers crossed ;-)
Elinga
-
Hi Aulus
I'm afraid I was in the same position as you - no response, even though I enclosed an SAE. I even sent a form giving them option to send it back saying not interested.
It was my second attempt, which I explained (I wasn't 100% convinced I'd got the correct address at first), saying I didin't know if they'd received the first letter, but if they weren't interested then I would understand, but knowing that they had actually received the letter, I could 'cross them off' so to speak.
Never mind. As previously said on this thread, it wouldn't put me off trying again.
EeyoreBlue
-
Certainly worth giving it a go Jen and elinga ...
... and like you Aulus, when my M-I-L was in failing health 5 years ago I probed for a little more information on her father, my husband had never met him as he was estranged from the family.( i.e. grandfather, divorced when daughters were young teens ) With very little to go on other than a highly unusual first name, I've pieced together quite a lot ... only with help from RootsChatters of course. Discovered though that he died about 3 years after my husband and I were married and I so wish we had thought about looking him up way back then! Also recently, while on our regular visits to his last remaining daughter, I dropped his name into the conversation yet again and was surprised to learn that he had gone to see her a couple of times in his last couple of years but she'd never mentioned it before .... and of course we were all in the same city !
;) modified typos and made it clearer that it was not my husband estranged...