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General => The Common Room => The Lighter Side => Topic started by: Brant81uk on Monday 02 August 10 23:16 BST (UK)
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I have recently found a cousin in the phonebook. I did some research and the guy is my grandads first cousin. My grandad is dead but this chap could be one of the only people who could tell me about my Brant family that I dont know much about.
I have his phone number but I wouldnt know how to start the conversation if I rang him? Im not good on the phone and would probably hang up on him!!....lol
Anyone got any advice?
Cheers
Tyrone Brant
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Hi
I think you just have to be up front and honest [and take a deep breath!]
I would start the convo by saying 'hello I am xxxx sorry to bother you but I found your phone number whilst I was trying to find the family of my grandfather and I believe you maybe my grandfathers cousin. My grandfather was xxxx. son of xxx and your mum/dad was xxx his sister/brother '
After that I am sure you could fill in the details of how your grandfather and his cousin are related.... if it turns out they don't want to know just say 'sorry to have bothered you' but if they are up for speaking then it will be plain sailing ...
good luck and remember 'deep breath'... it will be one of two things they will be awful or they will be nice ... either way you will be fine ;)
Cal 8)
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I would recommend writing to him first. A letter allows you to put down everything in order, to make it clear, and gives him the chance to read and reread at his leisure. Receiving a phonecall might feel pressured and make him less willing to want to communicate.
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SNAP :D
Hi Tyrone
I would suggest you write at first. Looking at your profile I think you're just about old enough to remember snail mail :D
I'll let you use Word if you like
a) because it's easier to rearrange things when you get in a muddle (as you undoubtedly will at first)
and b) it will make it easier for the recipient to read
Just explain who you are and who you think he is in relation to you and that you don't want anything from him (except information if he has any)
In these days of multiple scams you don't want to scare him off.
Think about how you would feel if you got a letter like this out of the blue and word it appropriately.
Oh - and don't forget to enclose a stampd addressed envelope so that he can reply to you, if he wants to.
Hope it all works out for you (both)
Linda
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Hi
I agree with Emine, a letter would be best especially as he is probably quite elderly. People get so many "cold calling" phone calls that they tend to put the phone down as soon as they realise they don't know who is calling - well I know I do. ;D
Jan
added: and Linda :D
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Cheers ladies,
The address was present so that I think will be a better option than ringing him. Thanks for all the advice...:P
Regards,
Tyrone
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I had the very same problem when looking into the descendants of my Gt-Grandad's second wife. I found a will for the widow of their son, my Grandad's half-brother. (sorry if I have made it sound complicated) which gave the name and address of the executor, who was their son.
I checked the BT online phone book and the son seemed to be at the same address 30 years later so I decided to send a letter.
What do you say????
Nothing seemed to be right without sounding like an idiot, so in desperation I picked up the phone and rang him. (we both share the same surname but I can't mention living people ;D)
"Hello, is that Mr XXX.... (YES)... I am also Mr XXX and I think we might be related. etc. etc. etc.
He had recently been looking into his family history and was wondering about the children who were in the census with his grandad before he married.
I would recommend a phone call if possible, and if it doesn't work out, then send a letter after they have had time to think about things.
Colin
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I would definitely write, not phone, for the reasons the others have given.
Enclosing an SAE is a good idea, but do include your phone number as well and say that if he would like to ring you, you will call him straight back so that he doesn't need to worry about the cost of what might turn out to be a long call.
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Tyrone,
I agree that writing is the better option. After 25 years of researching and only having known my Grandfather when i was a young lad and thinking i'd only ever know my Father and Uncle from what was quite a large family i was given an address for the Daughter in Law of my Grandads youngest brother, she is now 80.
I wrote a letter explaining who i was and that i was trying to find out about my Grandads family and included a small tree that showed how we both fitted into the family. I also included my phone number with my address to give them the option of either meathod of contact depending on which they felt happiest with.
I only had to wait 3 days and on the Sunday before last in the afternoon had a phonecall from a woman who started with " Hello, i don't realy know how to start this but i'm xxxxxx xxxxxxx" we ended up talking for almost an hour and at the end it was as if we'd been friends for years :) she said that they never realy mixed with her F in Laws family and that she didn't realise there were any relatives left around and she was quite thrilled. she also passed my letter on to one of her daughters who wrote to me at the end of last week and described her Grandfather and also expressed surprise that there were other relatives around.
A letter gives the chance for them to reflect on the past and think of things to say in a conversation wheras a call puts one on the spot and can be a bit overwhelming.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do,
regards,Tony
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I'd agree with the letter approach. I've done it a few times with good results in return. I've always included a stamped-addressed envelope and added a note in the letter to say that if they don't want to continue with this, then please return the envelope and I won't bother them again. Whilst I have to admit I've never received my envelope back again, I did find on one occasion that I'd contacted a wrong person as they sent me an e-mail :-[ to clarify the matter.
Definitely go for it!
BumbleB
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ok so let us know how it goes
xin
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Hi everyone, thanks for all the brilliant ideas. Will deffo be writing I think. If he as a yound man then maybe I would ring but he is 71 so I might scare the pants off him...lol
But I think getting in contact is my best option as my gt grandad, his uncle, died and dis-owned my grandad when he was only 16. So if this chap doesn't know anything then I dont think i'll ever find much on the family.
Any way im babbling, will let you all know how it goes...:)
Kind Regards,
Tyrone
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Babble away - we're all fascinated by other people's families. I think we sometimes get a bit bored with our own, especially when we get stuck for ages :D
Linda
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Just marking this topic.........so I can find out what happens!!!!
You've got me glued to this Tyrone!!
Hope you get a positive outcome!
Regards Hazel :)
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Hope all goes well and you find out all you want to know.
Lizzie
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I too agree with the letter (and stamped SAE). But then you got enough votes on that.. however, I too am so intrigued I wanted to follow this thread.
Good luck amd Happy hunting
Garth
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Totally agree with the letter idea- make sure you also enclose your email address,us oldn's ofetn find that an easy way to correspond ;D
As well as a phone number and a stamped self addressed envelope of course.
Also apologise for bothering him,incase he is the wrong person.
Don't give too much away(but enough!) in the initial letter,if it's him he'll get back to you to find out more.
Carol
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Just bookmarking so I too can find out what happened :)
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Just bookmarking so I too can find out what happened :)
Pebbles,you don't need to actually reply to the thread- just click on NOTIFY (top right) and you will be notified.....for future reference ;D
Carol
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Thanks for that - learn something new all the time - wonder if I can count it as my new thing to learn each month :D
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Cheers Carol... that's a handy tip.
Pebbles, we're classmates lol
Good luck Tyrone, we're all right behind you.
Garth
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One other thing I would add to the mix, if you have any photos of family members he may remember send one or 2 copies with your letter.
And do not get over enthusiastic in your letter, keep calm do not let your thoughts run away with you.
GOOD LUCK
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and don't forget to keep us posted.... we are all enthraled!
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This happened to me last year ...I found a long lost uncle in the phone book and called him. He was 72 years old and was delighted to hear from me. He said he tried to find me over 30 years ago but did not know I had moved to America. The years melted away and we talked for ever. I booked a flight to go see him in the summer but unfortunately he was diagnosed with cancer and died within 6 weeks. I was gutted that I had left it so long to look for him but I shall always remember his laugh.
Oh yes I still went to England and met up with his children, my cousins. One even came over to my sons wedding this year.
So don't leave it too long which ever way you reconnect with him
Irene
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Oh, definitely get in touch at once. If it doesn't work out how you hope it will then at least you will have tried.
I found a lost second cousin and a third cousin and I am really thrilled. They have been so friendly and truly interested in all the family history.
Give it a go. :)
Judy
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Hi Guys and Gals,
I worte to the person I thought was my grandads cousin but it turned out to be a lady I have spoken to before. She just happened to share the same initials as the guy I am looking for and lives in his birth town.
She wrote back but doesn't know the Mr Brant im looking for. So he is either living somewhere else or could have died? if he is alive he would be 71 now. I just dont know where to start my search for (*)???
The lady who is something like a cousin twice removed gave me some good information but she doesnt know my line of Brants. (*)
Anyway thanks for all the interest and sorry it was the outcome you or I was looking for....bit gutted really.
Regards,
Tyrone :)
Mderator comment: Edited for content, please do not post the names of people who may still be alive
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I have sent you a PM ( two actually!) I may be able to help ;)
Carol
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Tyrone,
Call it a practice run if you like, but don't let it stop you doing the same again. It sounds like you got a good response anyway, just not the one hoped for.
Years back I wrote to 12 people that either fit the bill or could have been closely connected. I got 3 replies, none were positive but at least they were friendly. That inspired me to continue and a little later I struck gold.
Good luck m8, and Happy Hunting
Garth
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Brant,
Please do update us if and when you contact this new person that I suggested,and tell us if all your problems have been solved 8)
Carol
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Hi Carol,
Sent a letter to the address you provided so hopefully fingers crossed he replies!!!
Thanks for all the help and I shall keep you posted on the outcome!
Tyrone