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General => The Common Room => The Lighter Side => Topic started by: Ayashi on Friday 08 August 08 15:58 BST (UK)
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Anyone got any family anecdotes? (I think that is the right word, isn't it?)
My great aunt Myrtle, who died not that long ago, used to in her old age walk across busy roads waving her walking stick in the air in the assumption that speeding cars would stop for her. Funnily enough, they obviously all did ;D
My favourites are probably my grandparents, Victor and Olive. There was a joke about a garden thrush (you know, the noisy ones with the speckled tummies). My grandfather and a group of his mates I think renamed it "The Olive Bird" because it incessantly goes "Vic!Vic!Vic!Vic!Vic!" :)
The other one was when they were baby-sitting either my brother or cousins... Victor got the baby monitor and put the receiver in their bedroom. Grandma went to bed and Grandfather sat in another room going "Olllliiiiiiiiiveeeee.... OOOLLLLLIIIIIVVVEEEEE....." I think he got in trouble for that :D
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My grandfather and grandmother both belonged to the same tennis club before they were married - it may be where they met. However my grandfathers mixed doubles partner was another member. On his wedding night he apparently called out for his tennis partner in his sleep ;D Wonder if he ever lived that down
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My cousin was visiting and wanted to go to the corner shop, so he took my older sister in the pram ...... but he forgot that there was a side road on the corner which was on a slope .... forgot to put the brake on .... and the pram and baby went sailing down.... came out of shop and managed to catch both half way down.... ;D
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You've just reminded me... When my mum was a baby, my grandma went to the shops, parked the buggy outside (where some other mums buggies were evidently), got what it was she wanted, came out and wheeled the wrong baby home ;D
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Those two stories remind me of another one concerning me. Shortly after I was born my mother was going shopping and in the car with her were my older sister and her friend. My mother heard them having a whispered argument in the back and eventually intervened and asked them what the argument was about. My sister replied "Annie says we forgot the baby". Yes I had been left at home on the kitchen table in the carrycot!
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I can remember in the late 1940's/early 1950's when people used to save their vegetable peelings for the local farm to feed to the pigs. Children used to go from house to house collecting.
I well remember one day when they called at our house, mother told them she hadn't any spare as we kept them for our tea. Was I embarrassed when the little blighters started chanting that I ate pig's swill :-[
Jean
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My mother told me my grandmother used to say 'I'll comb my hair and then they will think I've washed my face' I luv that one. Another one of hers was when some piece of pottery was broken 'It's good for trade'
For me coming out of the house one day for my youngest son who I had been left in his pram at the front of the house, and finding him no longer there - PANIC - only to see my eldest son - then aged about 5 - coming round the corner pushing the pram, he had come home from school for his lunch and decided to take little brother for a walk !!!!!!!!!!!!
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I can remember in the late 1940's/early 1950's when people used to save their vegetable peelings for the local farm to feed to the pigs. Children used to go from house to house collecting.
My grandfather used to collect the waste as pig's swill from Lyons Tea Rooms in London for his farm. The waiting staff were non-too-careful clearing the plates and all the families cutlery was Lyons Tea Room. My father had his set for many many years.
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The one about taking the wrong baby home reminds me of the time (when I was in Kenya) when I parked my VW Beetle in the club car park; did my shopping; took it back to the car park, got in my car and drove five miles home ... to be greeted by my OH with 'Whose car is that ?' ...
... I slung the shopping out, and drove rapidly back to the club; the place from which I had 'stolen' the car had another in it, so I had to park 50 yards away from where I had taken the wrong car.
Never did find out who the car belonged to ... but I'd love to have watched them searching for it !
Of course, I was heavily pregnant at the time, so use that as an excuse ...
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I know someone who went to the swimming pool then walked out with someone else's clothes on...
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I was ever so jealous when my little sister was born but I really didn't mean to tip the pram upside down with her in it. The kerb was quite a high one and the pram was awfully big for a skinny nine year old to be pushing around. Honest guv, it were a genuine accident. Tee hee! ;D ;D
( she survived, outwardly unscathed, if a trifle barmy)
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I was about 11, I think, and Mum took me to see the ballet at the Royal Opera House. I was told to be on my best behaviour, and we spent a lot of time scrubbbing me up and making me smart for the occasion.
We arrived and Mum took her coat off. "Mum - you've still got your pinny on!" I excaimed to amused onlookers. Luckily they did not look down to see her slippers. ::)
meles
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I bet you never let her forget that! ;D
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He wouldn't dream of it ... his Mum is a lovely lady !
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Nowadays, I take her to the ROH, and confess that it does sometime slip out. ;D
meles
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My sister-in-law amused me with a story about my young nephew coming home from Sunday School and saying that the following week he had to take a cucumber with him. She was puzzled, as it wasn’t Harvest Festival or anything, but figured it must be for a project, so gave him a cucumber when he set off the next Sunday.
When he returned he still had the cucumber with him.
“What’s the matter – didn’t they want it? She asked.
With embarrassed tears in his little eyes he told her,
“No, they said what they actually wanted me to bring was a new-comer”.
;D Poor little fellow - shouldn't laugh.
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As a very small child, I had to stay in hospital on two separate occasions. The second of these coincided with my fourth birthday and my main present was a brand new shiny tricycle, beautiful red, with a boot and bell. But obviously this couldn't come on to the ward so I had some smaller things to unwrap on the big day.
One of our neighbours, for some reason known only to herself, thought a ball, large, bright and bouncy, would be a good thing for a bed bound small girl and I have to admit that I was very happy to receive it. Not so happy when, in the excitement of other more appropriate gifts - books, crayons etc, the ball fell off my ridiculously high bed and rolled away. The bang when it exploded in the unguarded, open fire at the end of the ward was spectacular. Can you imagine such a thing today!
I was ever so sad. :'(
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That one about the Lyon's cutlery reminds me of when I used to go to tea with the family of a boy I befriended. Their cutlery was very heavy, and had the initials WPRC engraved on it. Eventually, curiosity made me mention it, and I was told it was short for the family motto - Wisdom, Pride, Rectitude, Courage. This was very impressive, but it seemed a bit odd as they lived in two rooms at the back of a shop. I later learned that the boy's father, who was unemployed when I knew them, had previously been steward of a local rugby club. He was fired on suspicion of theft.
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I was looking at some old family photos with my 90-year-old aunt. She picked out an older distant cousin:
"There's Albert .... he never married, of course."
I thought I knew what was coming, but I was wrong ....
"But he used to look after ;) all the widows in the village." ;D
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I've actually sneaked on the home internet while everyone is in bed, but you lot just nearly rumbled my plan because I read this thread and started laughing :-X
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Another gem from my aunt. We are looking at a poignant photograph - a relative with his wife and small son. Tragically he was to be killed in the First World War, and the little boy died of a brain tumour.
Aunt: "She had another little boy, you know."
Me: "Oh, that's nice, I'm glad to hear that."
Aunt: "Yes. She didn't marry again, though. She had a Lodger."
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I can remember in the late 1940's/early 1950's when people used to save their vegetable peelings for the local farm to feed to the pigs. Children used to go from house to house collecting.
I well remember one day when they called at our house, mother told them she hadn't any spare as we kept them for our tea. Was I embarrassed when the little blighters started chanting that I ate pig's swill :-[
A few days before I was born, my parents went to some business dinner where t hey served steak with a bone. My mom asked the waiter to wrap up her bones for the dog and the kind waiter wrapped up all the bones from the dinner for the dog. When my mom went in the hospital to have me, she hired an old farm woman to come help with my 4 older brothers and the house. After I was born, my dad went to visit my mom and she asked what the boys had for dinner. The answer: Beef stew. ;D ;D ;D
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Our daughter Katherine 6 returned from Sunday school.
Our son Robert 4 asked what she'd learned.
Katherine, 'Jesus died and went to heaven but now he is alive in all of us'.
Robert, ' Does that mean he hasn't got his own body?'
Katherine, 'Yes'.
Robert, ' So what keeps his head and his feet apart?'.
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Bless!
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Some years ago when I was in the motor trade one of the mechanics in his twenties had to go into hospital to have his tonsils removed, just for a joke while most visitors took in grapes Etc. we each took in a coconut, strangely, a nurse said that was a good idea as it would help clean his throat, we managed to get hold of his tonsils from a hospital porter we knew, (an ex mechanic,) and set them into a clear resin keyring for him. :D
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Whilst out on a driving lesson on my day my Grandmother was asked to stop the car by the instructor...
"Now Mrs B, could you tell me what a roundabout is and how you deal with one while driving?"
My Granny confessed she could not..
"I thought not Mrs B, you are presently parked right on top of one"
;D
Funnily enough that was end of that lesson
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I once sent my son to school. I walked him so far then watched him walk up the hill alone, as I usually did. Twenty minutes later the post van came down into our farmyard with my son. There was a teachers strike and there was no school that day and the post man found my son crying in the playground as there were no other kids there.
Another time, I forgot to pick him up from school as I had got a new (second hand) car. I lost the track of time when cleaning it and it was only when I turned the radio on in the car I heard Tony Blackburn saying it was ten to six that I woke up! I rang the school and the head master had phoned me several times but as there were no mobiles in those days I did not hear the phone, being outside lovingly cleaning my new car!
I don't think my son has ever forgiven me for that!
Pennine
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One of my favourites concerns my grandfather. During WWII he 'did his bit' by fire watching in Folkestone. It's well known that German bombers often kept back one shell to drop on Folkestone, so there was plenty of damage anyway.
This particular night the bomb didn't go off and Grandfather was sent to keep people away; later he was told to go somewhere else and when enquiring what to do about the unexploded bomb, the answer was 'just cover it' (don't ask me why I wasn't there!). Anyway, Grandfather does as he's told and, bearing in mind it's pitch black, uses whatever is available, something which he assumes to be rubble.
Returning next day to see 'his' bomb, he arrives in time to hear someone say 'What [idiot?] covered this incendiary with coal?' At which point I presume Grandad backed quietly away 8)
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That reminds me of the time at college (it wasn't me! *whistles nonchalantly*) when we were feeding the animals and someone came in with the food and told me to put some of the stuff in a few cages that they pointed out. So I did. Then at the end of the day, we were gathered in a room and someone came in with a puzzled look on their face and said "Do tarantulas eat lettuce?"
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A whale beached itself near our home in Cottesloe, West Australia. A crowd gathered, one very well dressed lady waded out and commented "I didn't know whales had aerials". Dead silence, she was obviously serious, a gentleman responded "er, it's a male and it's on it's back" !!
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That is brilliant! I like that one :D
I hope the whale got away though :(
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A Great Uncle of mine was a miner and unfortuntately lost his leg in a mining accident - he obviously was unable to work down the mines again after the amputation, but had an artificial leg made of tin fitted.
He later became the village clogger and set up his own shoe shop! Apparently he could be seen (and heard) riding round the village on his bike with his tin leg merrily clanking on the pedals. Ace bloke!
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When my brother was little (1 or 2) he had a bad stomach so mum said to my dad to give him some gripe water
Dad did then my mum realised he actually given him witch hazel! there then followed a mad dash up the hospital where they proceeded to give bro something to make him sick. After sitting there ages bro still wasnt sick so they sent them home
Bro then threw up all in the back of the taxi - mum was not impressed!
Dad also took my mums metaformin tablets for diabetes in mistake for asprin. Docotor advised that we feed him lots of sugar to counter the effects so mum fed him sweet tea and cake all afternoon. Think he put on a few pounds that day!
Make you wonder sometimes how he lived to be 73!
Then theres my sis playing football with bro and dad. Dad shouts 'free kick' to sis so she kicked bro in the shins! ;D (she could never get the off side rule either!)
Willow x
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My family home where I grew up was an old Victorian house, and suffered from various pestilences owing to its age and general delapidation - eg rats, cockroaches, flies etc, all of which my Dad courageously dealt with.
He used to describe how, on one occasion he was setting out cockroach traps down in our cellar. He had designed a home made trap which involved a small piece of bacon surrounded by quite a deep circle of cockroach killer powder, so that the insect would be tempted to walk through the insecticide to reach the bacon.
He described (I can hear him now!) how he had constructed one of these circles with the bacon bait, and turned his back for a moment to do something else. When he turned back, the bacon had gone!
And he said how all the hair on the back of his neck stood up at the thought of the size of cockroach required to steal the bacon in one fell swoop! :o :o
In case your mind has also created this monster, you'll be relieved to hear that the thief turned out to be a mouse. ;D
He caught that by putting a seesaw "walk the plank" construction with a piece of cheese on it over a bucket of water. ::)
PS that's him in my Avatar
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I noticed with my children that they went through a certain stage when, no matter what they'd done, it was never their fault, in fact, they always managed (somehow) it make it my fault! On one occasion this caused my Gran to remark 'You sound just like Donald.'
Donald, it turned out, was my Grandad's younger brother. When my grandparents married, Gran had a general shop next door to Grandad's butchers and Donald was employed as their delivery boy.
With the basket on his bike well loaded, Donald prepared to set off one day when Gran warned him it was far too full, thus unstable and he'd fall off. Of course, at 14 Donald thought he knew better and, after a brief 'it's too full - no it isn't - yes it is - etc.,' argument, Donald wobbled off. Seconds later from around the corner came the resounding crash as .... Donald fell off!
Gran rushes to see the damage and, having established Donald hasn't fallen in the stream and drowned, says she told him the basket was too full - to which Donald instantly replies 'Well, as my employer you should have made me take some stuff out'
Now I see where my daughters got it from ::)
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My mother was always very 'proper'. As long as I could remember, she never once mentioned toilet.
She always said " I'm going to see George".
I've no idea where that came from.
It puzzled my children when they were small. They thought there was a man called George hiding in the bathroom!
Kooky
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My great aunt was an indulged child, whose favourite saying was "Me first! Me first!". It was her aunt's wedding day, and though living in the 'Gorbals' in Glasgow, the family had put on a wonderful spread, the trestle table was groaning with the weding cake, their best china, glassware and silverware (some of it borrowed) and assorted plates of food. Aunty Jean rushed up and plonked her elbows on the table. "Me first!" she shouted. The table collapsed with a mighty crash, and Aunty ran upstairs and hid under her bed. She said it was the only time in her life she got a smack!
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When my mum and dad got a stainless steel sink my dad used to polish it up bright and shiney every evening. Poor old mum was only allowed to use the sink to wash the evening dishes, during the day she had to wash up in a bowl on the table and empty the water down the loo.
Dad was the same when they got a new cooker, he polished the rungs on a Sunday night and for the rest of the week and they didn't go back in the oven until Saturday. He put two bricks in instead for her to balance any dish on. The funny thing was the rest of the kitchen was never that clean and he never did any other cleaning in the house.
Another of his foibles was when their first and only new carpet was laid in the sitting room he virtually covered it with those carpet square the you used to get in sample books.
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mazwad, that reminds me of my Father.
As recently as 2003, he bought some 'modern' dining room furniture which he and my Mother thought was absolutely wonderful. Unfortunately being inexpensive, although it looked like wood, it was in fact chipboard with a paper veneer (a fact which Father refused to believe until the paper began to peel off!!).
Because they were both disabled I'd do their housework etc., and twice a week Father insisted I polish this wretched cheap rubbish, moaning all the while I wasn't doing properly since it never shone ::).
No-one was allowed to actually sit on the chairs (although of course they were wooden), but rather we were required to use one of the folding plastic chairs kept hidden behind a curtain and this, despite Father being particularly delighted that the new chairs had come with 'protectors'. Having lost the battle over the paper veneer I didn't even bother trying to explain it was packaging :-X (although I had no trouble selling them after they died!!)
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Another I remember when I was 10yrs old in the 1950's and children wore those white vests.
In those days bath day was Sunday. My brother, who resembled the late Roy Kinnear in size, came downstairs after his bath grumbling that his vest had been shrunk.
"Silly beggar" declared my sister "You're wearing Jean's vest" ;D ;D
He had gone to the airing cupboard and took the first one he found ;D
Jean
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when I was little(many years ago) I had been quite ill and mum used to sit me on her knee and rock me and sing "me and my teddy bear".Dad came home with two goldfish for me, he put them in an old glass sweet jar(without the lid) that he got from the shop on the corner of our street.I used to sing songs to them as they swam around,and one day mum said she was just nipping to the shop and I was too ill to go so I had to "Look after the fish"
I can remember feeling very important so I got them out of the water and sat and cuddled them!When mum came back the fish were floating on their sides in the sweet jar.I told mum to shhh as the fish had gone to sleep and I had "wooked after them like she did me!"
I also remember waiting for my aunt and uncle to arrive and was very sleepy but mum sent me out in the front garden to watch out for our visitors.I had just started sunday school,the week before and sat in the garden thinking about Jesus and how he knew when to take people into heaven, and feeling very sleepy started to nod off, but was disturbed by a big crane which was passing on the road.Thats when it hit me,I screamed so loud that the nextdoor neighbours rushed out to see what was the matter.I told them Jesus had come for me with his crane to take me to heaven because I had my eyes closed and he thought I was dead.My siblings have never let me forget that
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I'm sure everyone has got at least one of these.
My grandma used to keep a few empty jam-jars in the pantry for a very specific purpose. Every time she broke something in the kitchen she would grab two jars from the pantry, walk down to the end of the garden and smash them. Everything happens in threes she used to say. ;D
Paul
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My mother was a WW2 evacuee, with her mother and two much younger brothers. They lived in Haxby, just outside York. This is a short passage from mum's memories:
"The large house had obviously had servants because, in the kitchen, there was a row of bells hanging from the ceiling and bell pulls in the main rooms. There was a large, white-washed dairy with a sink and a back scullery with an oven. It was a long walk to the kitchen and we were plagued with mice which came alive at night and kept us awake, scratching. We later discovered that the large locked room at the front of the house was stuffed from floor to ceiling with boxes of Rowntrees chocolate, given to the WI for distribution amongst the evacuees but noone knew it was there except for the mice and they had chewed their way through all the boxes and contaminated the lot. Such a shame. Sweets had gone from the shops and until I worked at Rowntrees and was given a monthly ration, the boys wouldn't taste a sweet.
One Sunday morning, mam had made mince and dumpings in a shallow dish in the oven and I wandered down to the kitchen to get a second helping. I pulled the tray out of the oven and there in all its bloated glory, sat the biggest, fattest mouse, looking just like the dumpling it was sitting on! Dish, tray dumplings and mouse all went up in the air and I shrieked. Even mam couldn't help laughing."
Jen
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My grandfather was illigitmate. They lived on the prairies in Canada and had a young 15 year old girl helping grandmother in the house. After WW1, their son, my uncle, comes home from the war and gets the girl pregnant. Grandfathers remark was," You marry the girl, one bastard in the family is enough"
Mary.
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My grandmother wasn't particularly superstitious, however, if she spilled any salt while preparing the Sunday roast she would throw a pinch over her shoulder. The salt always landed on my grandfather quietly reading the paper at the kitchen table. He never said a word.
One Sunday morning I asked Gram why she threw the salt at him. She didn't answer. My Grandad, dead-pan, said "she's still upset that the butcher's wife thinks I'm "one of the good ones, salt of the earth and all that."
Kate
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I remember my very 'proper' mother, who never left the house without her hair done, makeup on, and with matching gloves[we are talking early 60s here] had been cleaning our house before we left it to move to another one.
She had carefully packed a change of clothes, shoes, coat hand bag etc in a bag which she left near the front door.
When she had seen the removal van off she realised that they had taken her bag!
She was in her cleaning clothes and slippers, no coat and no money!
She had to get 2 buses to get to the new house. We did not have a car and my father was at work.
When I got to the new house after school, she was in a rage! She was mortified that she had been on 2 buses, carrying dustpan and brush etc. The worst thing was being in her slippers! :-[ She had had to borrow some bus fare from a neighbour.
I bet those removal men got an earful!
Kooky.
ps we were not allowed to mention it ever again!
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i loved reading all the stories,it reminded me of story about my grandfather...
tea bags had been purchased by my gran for the first time...
grandad shouts from the kitchen "dont go much on these new tea bag things ethel, takes ages to make a cuppa"
where he was then seen to be cutting the corners off the bags and measuring each on a spoon before tipping loose tea into the pot !!!!!!!!!!!!!! bless ;D
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This is a new one,just heard from my brother,my neice was feeling lonely after her daughter left home,so started helping with a charity,she recently went to Zanzibar and took some clothes for children as this was what was needed most,when she got to the place she was going and started handing out the clothes,a girl said she is a twin but her sisters at home,so gave two sets of clothes,she stayed with someone from the charity and at dinner,said you have a lot of twins here dont you,the host looked puzzled and said we have only had about four sets in ten years,when my niece said we have handed out clothes for about 80 sets,he laughed,sharp are,nt they he said.
joyce
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This sounds like my grandfather.
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my funniest anecdote is,my two grandsons,five months apart by different daughters,they were about six,both their mothers exspecting second child,one told her sons where babies came from,the other said the baby came out of the belly button,they sat watching tv one day,and there was ceasearion operation on,the one who was told the baby came from the belly button turned round and said," see I told you they came from the belly button",how can you explain that one,LOL.
Joyce
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Back in the sixties, we had a back scullery to our house where mum used to keep all her pots and pans. After years of having to have a bath in front of the fire on a Friday night, Mum and Dad had a 'proper' bath fitted in the scullery.
One night my Bro came in from having a bath and remarked "That must be the only 'bathroom' where you can stand up in the bath and hit your head on the frying pan'.
This is a great thread. I have not laughed so much for a long time.
Molly
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In the early 1970's, on a trip back from Germany where my husband was stationed, we were visiting my parents and sister. We had brought some food back with us as it was a surprise visit so they could see our daughter. My sister and I were sunbathing in our bikinis on our stomachs in the garden when we heard a shout of laughter. My father had taken a photo of us and had placed a loaf of bread at our feet called 'Bums'. All you can see in the photo is the loaf and our bums.
Wendy ;D ;D
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My dad was standing in front of the fireplace at my Nan's the one day warming his backside when he suddenly vanished in a cloud of soot. A pigeon had died and fell down the chimney giving it a quick sweep on its way down
We spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning up and dad had to borrow some of my grandads clothes to go home in (which as he was 6'1'' were way too short). My mum thought it was hilarious once she had got over the initial shock
My Grandad Hilton once go drunk and tried to climb up onto the back of the horse on the statue of Prince Albert in the town square (locally known as T' man on the 'oss) not a bad feat as the plinth is about 10 foot high and he was only 5'2''. He got arrested and fined for that one
Bit of useless information about horse and rider statues. If the horse has its front two feet off the ground the rider died in battle. If the horse has one foot off the ground the rider died at a later date of wounds sustained in battle and if it has all feet on the ground the rider died of other causes (Prince Albert died of Pneumonia)
When I was at school they had a wooden dolls houses house (I was about 5/6)
Running around one day I tripped and fell and my right little finger went down the dolls house chimney. Later in the day I found I couldn't bend my little finger and there was a dark mark along the edge of the nail but we just thought I had bruised it.
I still couldn't bend it a few days later so mum took me to the doctors. It turns out that the dark mark down my fingernail was a splinter that ran from the tip of my finger past the knuckle at the base. Luckily the doctor pulled it out without any problem but said that if I had forced the finger to bend I would have had to have had an operation to remove it
Willow x
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I'm in a public library here shaking with laughter over all the stories that I have just read ;D. I remember being told a story of when my grandparents were meeting their now daughter-in-laws parents for the first time. My grandparents had brought a bottle of sherry or something for the afternoon but when the other couple arrived, the bottle of sherry had disappeared and couldn't be found. Only that evening, when grandad went to light the fire and opened up the coal box, there was the bottle of sherry..still laugh about it now.
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Bit of useless information about horse and rider statues. If the horse has its front two feet off the ground the rider died in battle. If the horse has one foot off the ground the rider died at a later date of wounds sustained in battle and if it has all feet on the ground the rider died of other causes (Prince Albert died of Pneumonia)
It's a nice piece of information, but unfortunately it was discredited on TV a few years back as being a myth. It's a good 'un though and widely believed.
I love these stories. I'm glad I started the thread and made a few people laugh :D
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In the early sixty,s,On a saturday night,my mates an i used to frequent a pub about half a mile from the local dance,Between the boozer and the dance were dimly light streets,
This night as we stopped to relieve ourselves, around the corner came a newly introduced panda car manned by a copper and 3 eager cadets so we were rounded up PDQ,
In those days a Sergant did the procecuting from a mobile witness box but this day nobody had locked it down, so when he went to stand on it,it moved, with him hoping across the court room,
We were fined 2/10/6 for urinating in public,and 10/6 for laughing in court,when my mate protested that the clerk had laughed as well,the magistrate upped it to 20 bob,
And it got reported in the local paper,oh the shame of it
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Another trick my father played was on my mother when I was about 4 or 5.
We were playing hide and seek and I had to hide so he hung me on the back of the door underneath his railway great coat and told me to be very quiet. My mother searched everywhere until I made a noise. My father got such a telling off for leaving me hanging there.
Wendy ;D
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When I met my son coming out of Sunday School I asked him what was the story and what had they sung that Sunday?He said they had sung "The Monster Song". I was puzzled and out of curiosity asked the Sunday School teacher. She thought for a minute then burst out laughing. It seemed they had sung a hymn "Christ who once amongst us as a child did dwell"- my son insisted it was "Christ who wants a monster as a child did dwell"
We had a circus day at school and all the staff were dressed up. I went as a clown and used a foaming hair colour to make my hair a violent orange and make it stick up in spikes at the same time. When I was all dressed up and ready my husband ran me to school as usual and then went on to his work . It was only at home time I realised I had to go home on the bus, It would be another two hours before hubby f inished work and at least 45 mins before he could collect me. I was expecting a visitor I did not want to miss so there was nothing for it but the bus.O.ther staff members who often gave me lifts were on a course. So I got the bus---the funny thing was no-one really paid me any attention. The driver didn`t flick an eyelash!The sequel was I`d used two cans of spray foam and it lasted for 6 weeks!!! despite me washing it three times every morning!Viktoria
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One thing that stays in my mind is how my father used to have little sayings and phrases that really annoyed my mother.
The best/worst one was that if my mother said "Do you want tea or coffee?"
My father always answered "Yes". ::)
Kooky
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When I was about 5, my Grandfather was a Railway Guard on the Great Western steam trains.
He would call into the Refreshment Room on Banbury station and buy me a Chocolate covered Swiss Mini Roll.
If he came home without one I knew he'd not been to Banbury and moan that he'd been to 'rotten old Coley'.
That obviously started my love of chocolate and cakes. ;D ;D
Wendy
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My mum told me a lovely one a few years ago.
When she was little, 10ish I'd guess, she was invited to attend a posh military 'do' with her father who was a Sgt. Major by then. So there was granddad, full military regalia, medals and all, chatting with General whoever, spots mum having unrolled a swiss roll and was licking the jam off the inside of it, of course also 'wearing' much of it too. The grin on her face when she told me the story was s delight to see. ;D
I can just imagine granddads reaction too. :D
Paul
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There was obviously something about those little swiss rolls. They don't taste the same today.Mind you rationing finished in 1953 for sweets I believe.
wendy
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Bit of useless information about horse and rider statues. If the horse has its front two feet off the ground the rider died in battle. If the horse has one foot off the ground the rider died at a later date of wounds sustained in battle and if it has all feet on the ground the rider died of other causes (Prince Albert died of Pneumonia)
It's a nice piece of information, but unfortunately it was discredited on TV a few years back as being a myth. It's a good 'un though and widely believed.
I love these stories. I'm glad I started the thread and made a few people laugh :D
Yeah but its fun spotting which ones are wrong ;D
Willow x
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mam told me that the chimney had needed sweeping,and instead of paying to get it done,dad decided to do it himself while everyone was out (yes u can guess what happened ;D)He borrowed some rods but didn't bother putting a sheet over to cover the hole and of course the soot came away and he was left with a small mountain of soot in the hearth and all onto the carpet and everything in the house covered in fine black dust.Mam returned to find this and dad trying to clear up.I don't think she spoke to him for days.
Steve
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Love these anecdotes, so I thought i'd put my two pennorth in.....
My mum always told the tale of how, the day after her marriage, my dad woke her up and asked her what she was doing in his bed ;D ???
When I had my first baby, 1959, I was a very proud young mum and took great delight in wheeling the lovely Silver Cross pram to the shops. In those days pram and baby were left outside the store, with no danger of coming to any harm. I did my shopping, came out of the shop and went home. I walked into the kitchen to put the shopping away, spotted the baby paraphernalia and realised I'd left her behind :o I shot out of the house and ran all the way back to the shop, terrified that someone might have taken a fancy to her, but no.....thankfully she was still fast asleep and blissfully unaware of her 'abandonment' ;D
She paid me back some years later though. When she was about three she disappeared in British Home Stores. Despite much searching by staff and me, she couldn't be found. Then suddenly someone shouted 'she;s here' and there she was hiding behind a counter trying on the ladies' hats ;D This was in the days when big stores had seperate departments for different items, and hats had an 'island' for displays, so it was easy for a toddler to get in and sit down amongst the hats on the shelves underneath the counter ;D
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I've never laughed so much in ages ;D ;D ;D ;D I'm trying to laugh quietly while husband and dog snore away >:(
As a young girl I used to live with my Grandparents, my Granny used the *F* word more than a few times on occasions when by herself (we are talking 1970's) I remember thinking I should ask her what that means.
Not long after that Granny had a few of her friends over for tea and cakes one Sunday afternoon and when there was a lul in the chatter I asked her what *F* word means. :o :o
You can imagine what happened after that.....sore backside....thick ear and sent out to the shed where my Grandfather laughed his head off and told me to steer clear of Grandma for a while. Her friends neve engaged in conversation with me after that.....not sure why ;D ;D
keep them coming in....better than the movies.
Kimberly
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This has been such a treat - reading all the family anecdotes. Thank you everyone for giving me such a good laugh.
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I wouldn't say I'm houseproud, stuff gets done (mostly) but I've was always keen to encourage the kids to do their share (with varying success!). Once when I moaned about the general chaos my mum would told me a story about when she was first married. Apparently, on return from work occasionally my father used to run his forefinger along surfaces to check for dust, much to my mother's fury (in his defence, my father's father was a butler who 'had' to marry the kitchen maid and he kept a very strict house himself). One day my mum had had enough of the finger business so she emptied all the plant pots out onto one of the windowsills and went out, leaving a note which said "Now run your bloody finger over this!" Needless to say, that was the last time he did that!
Ermy
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I am not houseproud either, and only occasionally re-arrange the dust ;D
A friend who knows me really well, bought me a small plaque that says...'You may touch the dust, but please don't write in it!'
I just don't see the point of dusting, because the dust is back on the surfaces before you've put the duster away ;D Housework is a really pointless activity as far as I'm concerned, and the older I get the more I know I'm right ;D Life's too short ;D
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Absolutely, a tidy house isn't a tidy mind its a mind that can't think of anything more interesting to do (or that's my excuse anyway!)
Ermy
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Exactly....couldn't agree more ;)
Can't stand people who have houses instead of homes.
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I'm lucky, when I do decide to do the housework our whole cottage only takes about an hour, including washing the floors. ;D ;D
Wendy
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when i was about 7 years old my dad said hello to a lady i did not know ,i asked who she was and was told uncle Sam's wife,the next words i took to be auntie Mona.
When my dad was in his sixties i asked what her relationship in the family was.when asked who i meant i said auntie Mona,dad said who do you mean,my answer ,The lady that lived in riddings you used to talk to .
YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN HIS FACE
What he had said was that old moaner, and i had talked to her for years calling her auntie Mona
Sylvia
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Out of the mouths of babes.....
Bet your dad watched his tongue after that ;D
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When I was young we used to go to my grandparents for Sunday tea. As my father was the youngest of 6 children, my grandmother was quite elderly, had been raised in the Victorian era and was a stickler for good manners and children should be seen and not heard. We were eating tea when my brother, who was about 3 at the time, dropped his cake on the floor. As he got down to pick it up he said at the top of his voice, "Oh B****r it!" My parents didn't know where to put themselves. Goodness knows where he got it from as I never heard my parents swear. I didn't teach him - honest ;D ;D
Jan
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Hmmm....methinks he doth protest too much ;D
Great story though ;D
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I can sympathise with forgetting you have a baby. After I'd had my first daughter I was washing the pots and listening to a baby crying. I looked out of the window and up and down the street trying to figure out where the baby was before I realised she was my own and had just woken up!
This is an anecdote my father-in-law sent me recently:
My father worked at a pit called Billy Halls and to get there he would walk the mile and a half via the railway track. As you could imagine at four thirty in the morning it would be rather dark. When he arrived at work, one of the men said. “Did you hear about old so and so, (can’t remember the name) he hung himself yesterday in that hut on the side of the railway.” My Dads reply was. “Bloody hell, I must have walked past him while he was hanging there”
Next day as dad was walking to work; he was getting close to the shed where the chap had hung himself. He said it was very dark and quiet and the nearer he got it made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. Just as he reached the shed, a donkey in the field went. EEEEEE-ORRRR. He said his feet never touched the floor until he reached the pit.
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When I was a few weeks old my mother was walking down some old railway station steps that have about 30 steps edged with steel and she tripped. I flew out of her arms and I rolled down them. She thought she'd find me dead at the bottom but I was wrapped tightly in a shawl and that protected me.
She also left me outside a shop and went home, unpacked her shopping and then realised something was missing. I was still there when she rushed back.
When I was about 3 or 4 my mother got off a trolley bus that had the new automatic doors and turned around to lift me off when the doors closed catching my neck in them. Luckily she had her arms inside and pushed hard. The driver couldn't see us so quickly opened the doors as his light was still on and she pulled me out. My legs were then caught but she managed to yank me hard enough before the driver took off.
I tease her about all these 'near death experiences' she put me through. Even though she is 89 now she says she still remembers vividly those times. I was her first born too ;D ;D
Wendy :)
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My dad came home from work one day, complaining about the new roll-on deodorant my mother had bought ... it didn't help keep him dry, and it had left funny marks on the underarms of his shirt.
'T'wasn't deodorant. In the dim light of pre-dawn dressing, he'd picked up her roll-on makeup by mistake. The shirt never recovered.
He had a passion for worcestershire steak sauce, too ... until the night he grabbed what he thought was the right bottle ... and poured Coffee & Chicory concentrate on his steak!
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Donkeys years ago my dad was a transport mechanic and got called out 24/7 in all weathers on the A66 between Penrith and Scotch Corner,An absolute bl**dy nightmare of a road in them days,
But it had it's perks from grateful drivers with things errrm "falling of the back of the lorry",you name it it fell off,
all except the whiskey lorrys,that got a police escort from county to county,wether the coppers got some i don'nt know,
He once came home in the middle of night with this massive skate and plonked it on the sink unit,of course when mother got up,swicthed the kitchen light on and saw these big eyes looking at her,she promptly screamed the house down,
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A number of years ago I was on holiday in Majorca with my family, in laws and friends ( about a dozen of us). At lunch time we would go to my in laws apartment, that over looked the pool. One day we were back at the poolside after lunch and I said "Where's Scott (my 4 1/2 yr old son), he's not here?" We all looked round the pool and in the pool but couldn't find him. Panic began to set in until I looked up at the in laws apartment and there he was waving like some poor sole stuck on a desert island. It turned out that as everyone was leaving he had gone to the toilet and had got locked in. I shouldn't laugh.
A few years earlier while on holiday in Spain with Scotts sister Carla, who was 2 at the time we were up on the roof terrace of the apartments. As it was very hot and there was no pool up there I got a bucket of water for Carla to play in. I have a great photo of her sitting in the bucket cos all you can see is her head and shoulders. But, the funniest bit was when she lifted the bucket up. I said to her "Stand in the bucket and see if you can lift it" Well, she climbed into the bucket but couldn't understand why, now, she couldn't lift it or why I was rolling about in fits of laughter.
Hope nobody reports me for child cruelty.
Ritchie
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I said to her "Stand in the bucket and see if you can lift it" Well, she climbed into the bucket but couldn't understand why, now, she couldn't lift it or why I was rolling about in fits of laughter.
Ritchie
There was a big chap at my husband's workplace who was always showing off how much he could lift. One day some of his co-workers challenged him. They got him standing in a dustbin and told him to see if he could pick himself up. He couldn't figure out why he couldn't lift himself either!
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My Granddad Alex turned up at the shearing shed on a springboard one afternoon and walked to the shed with a limp.
When asked what he had done to himself, he replied.
That bloody horse threw me this morning, and I've broken my leg. I had to catch the night horse and round up the mare so I could get the bridle and saddle off her, then I had to hitch up the night horse to the spring board and drive over here.
Ted, could you let me have a piece of fencing wire about 3 feet long , and could I borrow a screwdriver, a drill, a pair of pliers and 2 or 3 screws. I'll be right as rain in no time.
A shearer nearby said "Bloody Hell! Is this man for real"
Alex got what he asked for, rolled up his trouser leg and used the items to repair his leg.
I only have one memory of Granddad Alex from around when I was 5 or 6 and that is of watching him taking his leg off before getting into bed.
Mick
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Brilliant.
;D ;D ;D 8) 8)