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General => The Common Room => The Lighter Side => Topic started by: johngirl on Monday 23 June 08 01:53 BST (UK)
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Hi,
as anyone else come across members of your family objecting to you doing the family history. My sister has told me in no uncertain terms that by me doing the family history it is upsetting the memory of my mother. I put my family tree on Ancestry where only people who I invite can view it. I put photos of my mother and father [who is also deceased] onto my family tree site [only peolpe I invite can see them] and my sister went ballistic. What do others think I should do. Keep going with my research or bow down to my sister and just scrap the lot.
Johngirl ??? ??? ???
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Hi
Oh dear...I would continue with your research....I find her objection quite strange. Why do you have to let her know what you are doing. Is it your research that is upsetting her or you placing your research on Ancestry?
Perhaps you may be able to compromise by removing the family tree from ancestry....you can always place it on Tribal Pages and also lock access....and :-X :-X
Good luck
Cando
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Hi Cando,
I really don`t know what her problem is as she has known for quite sometime I was doing our family research. The only person who could view my tree on Ancestry was my sister as I hadn`t yet downloaded it. I was only just getting it up and running. I have now blocked her from veiwing it. The family research is something I enjoy and as a fellow researcher you would understand. I will therefore keep going with it and to H***** with my sisters opinion. Thanks Cando.
Johngirl :)
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Hi,
I would keep re-searching your family too, it's a shame your sister feels cannot share the interest with you though :-X.
Maybe she objected to the photographs :-\ and why would your research upset the memory of your mother ???, do you know what she means by that?
Has she not thought that maybe your parents would be quite proud of you for taking such an interest in their backgrounds.
Ambers
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Is there something that maybe she fears will come to light?
Worth considering . And blocking her from access to your stuff online is reasonable- you have a right to such an interest as Ffh and she doesn't run your life.
Stay with it.
charlotte
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Hi
charlotteCH and ambers thanks for your opinion.
My sister has a warped view of things I think.
Family History is a great pastime and I will keep going with it. Blow her opinion. As for the photos no one else could view them so what her problem was it beats me. I have blocked her from viewing any of the tree so it is her lost. What she means by upsetting the memory of my mother is that my mother was a private person and did`t like anyone knowing her business.Family history is not just my mothers business is it, its generations of people business this family history stuff. No one sees anything that is so bad. Yes maybe a bad hair day photo of someone ,someone might be upset about but there really USN`t anything bad to find about people unless a past rellie was an Axe murderer or something of that nature. We have no skeletons so I don`t know what my sisters problem is. We have a few convicts but thats all. Oh! and a murder but who hasn`t got a little bit of gossip to hang around their tree.
Johngirl :)
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Is your sister older than you and maybe does know a family secret or maybe she has her own to protect ???
My good friend is appalled by the fact that I'm doing family tree research. I offered to do hers and she flatly refused to let me then she told me why and told me some of her family history :o :o :o :o :o :o Stuff that even her older sister doesn't know :o :o :o :o :o :o
Sometimes the skeletons need to stay in the closet :-X
mab
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Hi Forthefamily,
no the trouble is my sister knows nothing of our family history.Yes she is older than me but only by eighteen months. Its just a privacy thing with her. I know there is nothing in our family history that is damaging to our family and especially nothing that can be damaging about her. Maybe jealousy but I`m not sure.
Johngirl :-\
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Hello Johngirl:
I am sorry to hear that your sister is upset about you researching your family history. I think it is a wonderful hobby to have. I have found lots out about my families and I have met some wonderful people along with who have become good friends. I really don;t know why some people have a fear of it. As I now know were my interest in quilting comes from. I have lots of rellies that were dress makers or tailors.
Maybe one day your sister will change her mind. My brother is not interesting except to keep saying we must come from Scotland as our last name is Thompson, but that is not true we come from Yorkshire and I have got the line back to the 1700's, but there is no way he will have it. So I just don;t tell him anything anymore. I figure he is the one missing out on all this wonderful family history. So keep on researching.
Cheers
Anne
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Hi again
I would keep any further research to myself and then you may find that curiousity will get the better of her...and she may start asking questions. In the meantime I would avoid the topic of family research altogether ;) ;) well at least for a while. ;D
Cheers
Cando
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Thanks AnneMc and Cando.
Yes hopefully curiosity will get the better of her. I told her it is my business what I do in my life as I don`t tell her what to do with hers. I have also met some great people doing my research plus rellies I never knew excisted. Thanks everybody for making me feel better about doing my family history.Its my gain and she will miss out. Well must be off and find some more of my ancestors.
bye for now Johngirl ;D ;D
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My sister has told me in no uncertain terms that by me doing the family history it is upsetting the memory of my mother.
What a strange statement from your sister – I wonder just how she thinks your research will upset the memory of your mother. Even if you asked her about her objection, I doubt you’d get a valid reason
Why should her view – and she doesn’t appear to have given a more logical reason for her comment, cause you to give up your research? Why should she be so demanding? This sounds to me like she has a good reason for objecting and wanting to stop your research – and is just using your mother as an excuse to stop you.
I would say carry on with your hobby – you can’t just throw away all those hours of work just because of what she says. Just don’t tell her anything more about what you’re doing. After all, it has nothing to do with her whatsoever.
Keep up the good work!
John
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What everyone is saying is sense- if your sister doesn't like it, bad luck. Her problem. It's your hobby so just get on with it and avoid the topic with her, and your mother unless you are asked questions. With a bit of luck your sister will just conclude you have dropped it.
That all sounds like Mary's Advice on the last page of The Spectator! ::)
charlotte
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Your sister is showing the signs of the endemic paranoia that is common these days.
It is wrapped up as privacy but in truth it is plain old fashioned censorship.
As a historian it is your duty to set down the truth for posterity, this is extremely important in this day and age where the present government use 'Orwell's 1984' as a rule book rather than a work of fiction.
Carry on with your research, ignore your sister's comments.
I would however you unlock your tree so that everyone can benefit from your research rather than a few.
I can never understand the point of uploading research to the web then locking it away from view.
Cheers
Guy
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I agree with most of what the others have said.
BUT I think she has a point if she was just objecting to your putting family information online, rather than in your doing the research per se. I am one of many who would never put a tree on Ancestry or Genes. No website is really secure. You have no idea where the information will end up. I can find a large tree on Ancestry which contains ALL the names in your profile (as well as many others); it is probably not yours, as you say it is private. I just say this to illustrate my point.
Some of my relatives are against family history research for similar reasons - my grandmother was a very private person and would have hated the idea of her picture on the internet. With tact, persuasion and showing them interesting things, some have come round. Doing some courses (in research methods and recently oral history, so I can do "proper interviews") helped as well, as it gave my research a stamp of authority.
But as for her general objection to your research, as others have said, there is nothing she can do to stop you. She may well come round if you employ your best diplomatic skills, slowly over the years. But perhaps reconsidering having your tree online might win her over eventually!
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You never know with families. My sister has no interest in family history, I once presented her with a tree with she would not accept. But this I was not to surprised as she has never talked about our parents and in fact her children did not even know their names this they learnt from me.
So you are not the only one, but my sister has certainly no objection to what I do she is just not interested.
Good luck.
helina
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Thankyou for all your comments.
I`am glad that I`m not the only one to have this problem. And yes I`m not giving up on my research and yes I have put many hours of work into it. My sister was the one in the first place wanting to know who our ancestors were so I can not for the life of me understand her sudden decision to put a halt to my research.I think it is called menopause. I also think its about the photos which as I have said no one can view without my sayso. But was is a tree without photos of your ancestors. I have done the family history so other people can see it thats what it is all about isn`t it.
Johngirl ::) ::)
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Sometimes it can be hard when you have someone close to you who has no interest in Family History, and if you're all fired up about it (as many of us are), then it's hard to understand why they are not.
It's even worse when the person is someone who could help you with research, but doesn't want to. My friend is trying to research his tree, but his mother (who didn't get on too well with her father) is reluctant to tell him anything.
On the plus side, I've found that inviting relatives to view your tree brings people closer together. I have lots of cousins spread across the world, and I now have about 30 people invited to my Ancestry tree, and it has been a talking point for all of them. I still can't help thinking that my mother would not have been too keen, because she was a very private person herself, but I think she would have been surprised at some of the stuff that I've been able to turn up about the family.
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Johngirl,
I'm glad your not giving up your research,this is a great hobby (all be it a frustrating one at times!lol)and i think it gives you information that is good to pass on to your children one day.I have gained a lot from my research,a great set of relatives on my paternel side,where before i had none,and maybe although it sounds a bit strange,more of an understanding of who i am and where im from.So carry on,enjoy yourself and how bad can it be to keep the memory of people alive?
Gerome
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Has your sister not considered that someone else could be doing the same lines as yourself. If that info was found on the internet, how would she feel about that?
She might object to you doing it but she wouldn't have a say over anyone elses research.
You carry on and if you find any juicy titbits, drop a few hints and whet her appetite, bet she comes round in time.
:D :D
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suffolk*sue says if you find juicy bits where I'd say WHEN you find them- they are there always for everyone, who probes sufficantly then you'll have to decide whether to try to bait heror just keep quiet.
But stick with fh- it's a great hobby.
charlotte
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You mentioned that your sister asked about your family
ancestry.
Is it possible that she has also been searching and as
the older one she wants to control the information and be
the first to present it?
Just a thought ......
Kathleen
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Thankyou for all your replys.
My aunt who has since passed on plus a cousin and another of our John descendants have done our family history which my sister was also up in arms about. The John descendant put something into the research about our mother and her partner [not my father as he died many years ago] and my sister emailed her and told her in no uncertain terms that she had no right to put this information into the family history. Just luckily the lady in question set my sister straight. You can now see what I`m up against. The lady didn`t put anything into the family history that shouldn`t have been there. My aunt was the one who gave the John descendant the information in the first place. My mother wouldn`t have cared about it at all.
Johngirl :)
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Would agree with others here that you should carry on searching. Sounds like your sister has a problem with anyone (not just you) writing anything that she might not approve.
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BUT I think she has a point if she was just objecting to your putting family information online, rather than in your doing the research per se. I am one of many who would never put a tree on Ancestry or Genes.
I agree with this -
I wonder if it is that aspect that she objects to - that of having your mothers photo/personal details like birth date and place, marriage children etc published on the internet. She may not understand about 'locking' things or restricting access. Just the whole concept of publisizing these sorts of details about your her (and your) mother on such a public place may sound to her disrespectful to your mum, and she may find the concept upsetting.
Now we know that is not your intention.
And I would not for ONE second suggest that you give up what is a fantastic worthwhiole etc hobby. That has nothing to do with her - it is your interest. It adds resepect to those of our families who have passed on as it establishes the truth before it gets forgotten and distorted as time passes.
But I can understand the internet bit. I too would never post my tree on any site - but am more than happy to share it with anyone interested.
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I tactfully wondered if your parens had memorial stones.
They arent private either - just more traditional than a tribute in the internet.
Mind you if you look at such as friends reunited, peopel love seeing the info on old friend but are reluctant to place their own info.
Its easier to have lots of information on more recent lives but perhaps we should be circumspect on those who died within the last (say) 20 years
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Thanks again one and all. ;D ;D
The only reason I did put my tree onto a web site as it seemed to be a good place to finally put it all in order. Having my tree in folders with notes written on all sorts of bits of paper was getting a bit tiresome. I thought it would look so much better sorted in to something I could actually understand and when I had to find a person in my tree it would be only a few clicks of a button. I thought my sister would appreciate all my hard work. Silly me.
Johngirl :( :(
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My tree is on GenesReunited.
Obviously living people are not named, but I also decided not to name most of the people with 'children' living. I wasn't happy when a stranger put my Dad's details on their tree, even though he died a few years ago.
As for not doing the family history, I know that a friend of mine won't do hers because of 'skeletons' that she would prefer to be 'forgotten'.
When I announced to my grandparents that I was going to research our family tree, you could have cut the atmosphere with a knife. My parents got interested, too, but my grandmother was very much against it. It was, again, because of protecting people's memories ~ related to some illegitimacies, etc.
When we contacted a family, whom we believed we were connected to through an illegitimate line, we were accused of traducing memories, and I'm sure that I read that people could be arrested if they asked people for family history information and it upset them.
I was only talking to my Mum about this recently. Some of the info I discuss and post would have upset my grandparents terribly. Perhaps I am disrespecting their memories ~ memories of people who I loved & who loved me ~ by doing this. However, I do think that attitudes have changed and that they would appreciate this ~ and that they would (maybe did) say that it was ok to do it after their deaths.
I love my hobby and don't plan to give it up ~ but I can see both sides.
I can certainly understand why people mighht be wary of posting things on the Internet. However, it is a very effective way of 'finding relatives ~ and, so far, I haven't encountered any major problems.
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I have the reverse of your problem. A "relation" of ours contacted me and demanded to be given all the reseach I had on a part of my tree. I had not heard from this relation in 30 years. When I objected to just handing over my hard earned work the reply was that as it was their family too they had a legal right to it. I agreed, and told them to do what I had done, obtain relevant certificates, trawl round the Local History sections and Registry Offices, join various Family History Groups, pay to go on line and access census. I recieved quite a lot of abuse from the relation as a result. It was so sad, as I would have willingly collaborated with this person to gather even more information which could be passed on. No way now would I ever give them my research. Maeve
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Most of my family and cousins etc. are very interested in the family history I have found, although there are parts I have not divulged to the cousins on my dad's side of the tree, but that is mainly because one of my dad's sisters is still alive (in her 90s) and I'm not sure if she knows what I found out about her father.
Lizzie
ps. If my dad was alive, I would have told him what I'd found out about his father, he would have thought it very funny, as he didn't really get on with his dad who was apparently a bit of a bully.
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I tend to work with a loose cut off date - ancestors say from gt grandparents back while the more recent ones are relatives. My ancestors are in the public domain (so to speak) but the relatives are family and so aren't, unless they are happy to be so.
Carole
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my mother introduced me to family history years before it became fashionable and she is the most private person i have ever met and very introvert (i love her to bits though and am total opposite)
so dont understand your sisters objection .. just carry on enjoy it and if she ever asks offer any info you have.....
most of all enjoy and best of luck with your searches...
and if you find a cure for habit please share Ha ha
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Hi,
yes I have found quite a few children born before marriage, a murder and a few suicides but really who cares some family's have even more skeletons than our family. I also was only putting in passed on relatives and put no information about the living. The family history is something I wanted to do which my sister was all for when I started doing it. So with everybody's comments and words of encouragement Iam still plugging on with it. B*****ger my sister. She will now have to grovel if she wants any part of this. My sister will be told the same thing Maeve told her lovely cousin! Go find the information yourself.
Johngirl ;D ;D
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I love the way that family history can draw families together ~ and we find new relatives all the time. It's sad if it causes a family rift.
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I love the way that family history can draw families together ~ and we find new relatives all the time. It's sad if it causes a family rift.
It can be difficult if you disprove long held to be true stories or come up with too many black sheep - what is adding colour to one person can be destroying another person's cherished ideas about their grandparents or a much loved great aunt/uncle :(
Carole
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Perhaps she feels you have put too recent information online, which could have some detrimental effect on her and/or her own part of the family.
I never post my family tree online, I work on it and I have it in a programme but it is for personal use. Yet a distant cousin has put online information which is too close to home to be comfortable about. including dob. of living family complete with addresses and other personal information.
I don't even keep my Family Tree information on the computer I use to go online either.
Maybe she does know something that she doesn't want in the public domain. Its a personal choice thing.
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Hi,
Dancing Master, no I hadn't even put any information in there regarding her side of the family.There is nothing that would affect her at all.I`m the one that has done the research and I have found nothing that will incriminate anyone. I also started putting my family history into a word document but it was taking forever and I`m not computer literate and just couldn`t get anything right. I thought putting it into a proper Family Tree site I would have no problems. How wrong was I .Will just have to keep plodding on with my word document and keep all my information in folders as before.
Hi Siamese Girl,
Well it did bring me closer to other members of my family and I have found many cousins I never knew about so that is a bonus. As for my sister ,well she will get over it hopefully when she realizes I`m not out to do her any harm just trying to show her who our ancestors were. I don`t put living people into my Tree on Ancestry, I only have them down on paper for my own viewing in my folders. Only I see them and no one else.
Johngirl :) :)
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Hi Johngirl,
Instead of plodding along with your Word document, you could download free, PAF from Family Search. This program, once downloaded, is private. I use it for all the info I find, and need to verify. No-one else sees it, it is just for my benefit, and if I then find the info is wrong, or not my family, I can always delete it. You can also put photos on there, and notes, again, just for your own benefit.
Enjoy your hobby, and don't let anyone spoil it for you, but try not to alienate your sister either. I'm sure she has done things you didn't like, but she did them anyway.
JB
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I can remember when I first informed the family that I was doing the tree and asked for all the birth and marriage dates(for families eyes only) of the living and Eldest sister has skeletons and so does one brother and I had no intention of revealing these to anyone but sister began bombarding me with hate mail and calling me evil ect.,
Her family were all fine with it but she was adamant that I would be rooting around in peoples misery revealing all.
I wrote a tree up for her family only with only their names in and she came around when she saw the closet firmly closed
Brother refused to be any part of it so I have added to his space male child living and left his family out of it
Now it is proceeding well without hurting anyone and I have it on Genes but private and all the living names removed.
It is only direct lines only grandparent and siblings I have not traced the offspring.
Edna
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Hi Jellybeans,
I have done what you suggested and have downloaded a PAF from Familysearch. I can now happily put in my information for my veiwing without anyone bieng cross with me.
Hi clematised,
So glad that I`m not the only one to be set upon by doing my family history. The trouble is our familys should take a proper look at what we are doing before jumping to conclusions that we are out to get them by revealing their past mistakes.
Johngirl :) :)
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Hello all, This issue has many sides. However, a wise person once told me, "Genealogy without documentation is mythology!" So, let's all try our best to get our documentation, preserve our information and be selective about revealing information about living persons. I will still be digging for some of my brick wall rellies when they lower me in to the ground despite the fact that only one living relative has any interest at all in my obsession. :'( Pat
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I've come late to this discussion, but even if your sister isn't interested, as others have said, I'd keep on with your research. I know some people have 'issues' with the memory of others, but personally I fail to understand this - what happened, happened, talking about it won't make it any worse, better or undo it.
Neither my husband nor our daughters are the slightest bit interested in my passion for family research, showing only polite interest, but since both my husband and I were only children and our parents are long since deceased, if I don't do it - no-one will. It is of course possible that when I fall off my perch someone will just bin everything I've done as being so much junk, or .. they may just decide to keep it for my grandchildren (if I ever get any!) - either way that'll be their choice.
In the meantime, I don't need feel I need anyone's permission or approval, it's something which gives me a great deal of pleasure and since it doesn't (well - usually) involve drinking, yelling and screaming, painting my face with daft flags or looking for rival fans to beat the living daylights out of, it's certainly less anti-social than other pastimes I could mention.
All I would say is that my research is just that - mine. I have the information on paper and on my computer and so, from a purely personal point of view, I can't imagine any circumstances under which I would need or want to put it on 'the net'; although having said that, I know some people are happy to do so - I guess it's just a matter of personal choice.
You keep at it - if others don't like it ... just don't bother to tell them.
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Hi Mogsmum,
Thanks for your input. I also love family research, my husband thinks I`m a nut and so do my kids but they have no objection to my habit [family research]. I`m really only new to this habit so thought everyone put their family history on the net. I`m learning slowly.I will now though keep my research to myself and enjoy it
Johngirl :)
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and enjoy it
Indeed!
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Hi,
yes I have found quite a few children born before marriage, a murder and a few suicides but really who cares some family's have even more skeletons than our family...........
So have I (but no suicides, though). I think it comes as a shock to many people when they find out that their ancestors were not perfect, and made the same mistakes that people make today. It must have been harder for them, because their communities were much more close-knit than ours, so it was harder to cover their indiscretions.
My sister likes it when I discover new things about the family, but when I find something bad, she initially refuses to believe it. Recently I discovered a small blemish on my dad's naval record where he received punishment for a mistake that he made, but my sister refused to believe it until I showed her the evidence. Some people don't like hearing the truth about their families.
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I to have been in the same situation as Maeve, where someone contacted me, and when I refused to give them more information, especially all the notes etc that person demanded the addresses of my living relatives to get the information of them. One of my ancestors spouses spent 30 years doing one of their trees, they did all the leg work long before the internet became available, gave it to a family member, and this person published the tree and took all the credit for themselves, needless to say the ancestor never trusted a person when giving the tree out.
I have learnt to just give out the bare bones, leaving out all the exciting bits, because I did a lot of work myself. The tree came to me by the abovementioned, and until she could trust me, wouldn't give me any more, and when that trust came, I received quite a bit, and help in ways of looking etc.
I too have a few skeletons with a past, but hey, that was long ago. It becomes a nine days wonder. My OH is always asking "when are you going to be finished?" "NEVER!"
Just keep digging away, and raking up all those twigs and leaves.
KHP :)
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PS. I reckon if there weren't any skeletons in our tree, it would be pretty boring, and its the excitement of finding something, we are like dogs with a bone, always digging away.
:)
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download free, PAF from Family Search.
I've got a Legacy de luxe program which I downloaded for a cost of about £15. I back it up fairly regularly and my husband has now downloaded, to his PC, the free more basic, but still very good Legacy program and copied my latest back-up to the program, so that he could work on his family tree, without having to type in all the information I had already found out for him. Obviously, I've no problem with that, it is his family after all. ::)
Lizzie
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I've come late to this thread, but now I know I'm not the only one..
My partner has a huge mistrust of genealogy per se - he seems to think that family historians are all fascists who want to prove their blood line, racial purity etc (I know, loopy theory, but there it is) ... He is deeply uncomfortable with my doing it - except, strangely, when I try to uncover his father's army service records, that's OK apparently.
Then he says he worries that I'm becoming obsessed and spend too much time on it.. well yes, he has a point there ;D ;D He's given me some help, but sometimes I almost feel I have to do the research in secret, and that's really sad.
Anyone else had this problem? What do you say to reassure them?
:) Barbara
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My husband just thought it was a hobby and didn't really take much interest, although he was happy to go to France to photograph war graves for me, but then someone contacted us with details of some of his ancestors and that was it, he's just as obsessed as the rest of us now, has downloaded the Legacy family tree program (see my previous post) and bought over 100 microfiches of Births, Marriages, Burials, Monumental Inscriptions etc for the area where his family lived. ::) ::)
Perhaps that's the answer Barbara, try to do a bit of research on his ancestors.
Lizzie
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Obsession is just part of the human condition. You just have to accept that,
It explains religion, filling your house with junk, sports fanatics etc.
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You can please all of the family some of the time.
You can please some of the family all of the time.
You cannot please all of the family all of the time.
Keep researching. Never mind what the others think. My lot a split down the middle. One side merrily gave as much info as they ccould with the encouragement. The other side thought I was nuts 'dealing in dead bodies' but they still gave the info.
Better than walking the streets......
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Hi everyone,
Johngirl here,when I started this thread I thought no one else would have my problem. Its good to see that I`m not the only one and because some of you have been through it you have given me the encouragement to go on with my family history. bigmagicdog my sister also can`t understand my obsession with dead bodies. Well at least the ancestors that have already left us can`t have a moan about us doing our family history. Its a shame about the living ones that don`t understand our obsession with it. Hopefully my sister and anyone else that dosen`t like our obsession with dead people will get over it one day and let us get on with our little hobby.
Johngirl ;D ;D ;D
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The local freebie lifestyle magazine noted the surge in interest in family history and noted "maybe dead relatives aren't as annoying as living ones'
I've neve been one for searching out and contacting reletives, except for recent joint solving of genealogy
I think a lot of people are like me and its the solving thats the key - I describe it as similar to enjoying crime stories or crosswords. Its just that these 'puzzles' lead you into social history, local history. 1700s seems a long way away in terms of 250 years but in terms of 8 generations its not so far.
I found an account of a fracas between a (possible) poacher ancestor and his cronies and a team of gamekeepers (a crime was committed) and made a mental note to investigate the participants one day when I have time
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Hiya Johngirl
I'm with the others -keep at it and leave your sister in the dark
I was lucky and all my family were interested except two of my half brothers and an uncle so I just didnt bother contacting them again
I've found a couple of distant cousins online and we keep in contact and my family all let me spout on when I get talking about the tree and are interested in what I find
OH was a bit 'I dont want to know its all dead and gone' till I found the information on his grandfather who was killed in WW1 - now hes addicted too lol
Theres a magnet on my fridge that read ' friends welcome, relatives by appointment' might get it updated to read (unless your dead);D
Willow x
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Hi Willow,
Put me on the list also for one of them magnets.
Johngirl ;D ;D ;D
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Well at least the ancestors that have already left us can`t have a moan about us doing our family history. Its a shame about the living ones that don`t understand our obsession with it.
It has just occurred to me that 'obsession' is a fairly subjective description anyway . As in: I do family history, OH doesn't get it so calls it an 'obsession'. However, when OH goes and buys an entire shelf load of travel books, its not an 'obsession' its a 'passion' (like he always has flu, never a cold ;D ;D ;D ;D - but I luv him really)
So I too am relieved not to be the only one!
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I know what you mean. It is a perception thing.
Example:
OH plays tennis, whilst he is out playing I go online to do some Fam Hist. He comes back and says "you are always on that computer on Rootschat".
But "always" actually means the same amount of time as he is playing tennis!
I cant complain at all - he is very interested in Fam history too, just doesnt have the time to pursue it as a hobby as well as other interests. And he is happy for me to do it.
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Hi lizdb and BarbaraH
The old moaning are you still on that computer syndrome husband.I have one of those as well.
Johngirl ::) ::)
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In 2011 another in depth census will take place. Why don't we photocopy our contribution and place it in our research notes for posterity?
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In 2011 another in depth census will take place. Why don't we photocopy our contribution and place it in our research notes for posterity?
Good thought!
Willow x
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The old moaning are you still on that computer syndrome husband
That used to be my husband, but where is he now, not on his allotment he's decided it's too hot ::) no he's on his PC researching his family. ;D ;D ;D
Lizzie
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My OH used to moan and groan as well until I gave him access to his family tree that I had put on Ancestry. So every time I find a new "body" as he calls them ::) he wants to know who they are and how they are related to him. He even paid for another years access for me.....deluxe even :o and bought me Family Tree Maker to put my research on as well.
Then I joined Rootschat and a second cousin of his contacted me on RC...and then another one...and then another one :o Truly a strange experience :D Two of the cousins had both been doing research for years and for a relative new comer like me it was awesome. They gave me so much help. I've managed so far to get his tree back to 1692. I then started researching the history of the area where his family came from........I think that's when my OH truly got hooked. All it took was a few references to Border Reivers and sheep stealing.......and some maps...... ::) He no longer moans and groans and has done some amazing background research on his own ;D
mab 8)
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Oh great,
So there may be some hope to get my husband interested in finding bodys with me. ;D
Johngirl. ;D ;D
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Johngirl..... ;D
A little blood and gore and battles and maps...lots and lots of maps...army stuff....it was way too easy. He has an elderly uncle who lives in England ....80ish....who he hasn't been in contact with for years and now he's involved.....poor old man ::) I'm saying nothing :D
mab 8)
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Well Mab'
I will have to find all the gruseome bits in our family tree to start to get him interested. We have a few convicts in his side of the tree so will check to see if they done a murder or two. The trouble is his side of the family never done anything very interesting in their life. Will have to get him more interested in my side. There we have a murder in the family and my Isaac ancestors were fighting the Normandys in the 1520`s. They were warriors or something like that. Have been finding a bit about them lately on the net. A few were also in the first and second world war. Might get him interested in something like that.
Johngirl ;D ;D
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Well I have nothing as interesting as a murder but communication is everything ;D....I don't think you need to find the gruesome bits..... sit him down and show him what you have been doing and how you found the info and the process....because those of us that do genealogical research do...as far as I'm concerned....have special skills. I have given access to my youngest son to my tree on Ancestry....he seems fascinated by the fact that I found all the information on the internet :P Well I guess I'm in this century after all.... ;)
mab
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As soon as my wife learnt that her grandma might be jewish, she did not want further research done, she think anti-Jewish feelings could be a danger.
The same grandma was a bit of a conundrum, I thought she might be adopted
Bob
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Bob that's a real shame, as it could be fascinating to find out about Jewish history/customs etc just as it is about anything you don't know a lot about.
My mother was fairly dismissive about the Catholic religion, and I have discovered that her grandparents were evidently Catholic, and married in a Catholic church - I'm sure she would have been fascinated.
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In 2011 another in depth census will take place. Why don't we photocopy our contribution and place it in our research notes for posterity?
What a brilliant idea!
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Definately carry on with your research. My Dad didn't want me to research our family tree, I knew he didn't have a happy childhood and I think he didn't want me to find out a few porkies he had told. However by researching I found the address he was born in, in Wales, and about a month before he died after a long illness and he longed to visit his youthful home he wasn't able to travel nor was he able to remember the address.
I had it and was able to bring it up on google maps and show him. To see his face, you'd have thought I'd transported him there.
The lies I have found out make not a jot of difference to my memories of him and my feelings, but helped me cope with a difficult time and helped me really understand the circle of life and how we can keep these people alive. If we don't tell their stories then they truly die. Research keeps them alive.
Your sister may one day be happy about your research, or maybe her children will want a sense of where they came from when the get older.
Enjoy your hobby for you and others that will come after you.
Tracey
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Well put Tracey
Thats one of the reasons my tree is online. My uncle who didn't reply has grandchildren who will be in their late teen/early twenties now and one day they might get interested in where they came from .....
Willow x
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I've only found one member of my family who is against me doing the family tree - unfortunately he is the only remaining blood relative on my Dad's side (apart from my immediate family) who might be able to shed light on some of the "grey" areas! >:(
(some of you may have come across this story on rootschat before:
http://www.rootschat.com/forum/index.php/topic,209191.msg1120145.html#msg1120145)
For some reason my cousin has closed down all communication with me because I asked questions that "bothered" him. I gave up asking, because it was getting me nowhere, but just this week I've uncovered facts that he had a sister he's never talked about! The strange thing is, there doesn't seem to be any reason to "hush-up" details about this child, conceived in wedlock and dying of natural causes in infancy.
I've uncovered some really sad stories about my family and hubby's - and some real hooters, like the link above - just makes me appreciate my forebears all the more!
I'd say carry on with your research, if others don't like it they don't have to look at it - just make sure that no-one will be able to link them to what you publish!
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Tracey
That's a lovely, touching story! You had me reaching for the tissues! :'( You must have been so happy to be able to do that for your dad at the end of his life!
MarieC
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So far I havent had anyone tell me that I could not do the family tree, but then I also have no family members terribly interested either. I "inherited" the obsession from my aunt (she never married) and am still investigating my Burrow family in Devon. So far have only gotten back to 1766. I have a MAJOR brickwall here.
I have also done my husbands family as well - this was a lot easier because being French and Catholic in Canada means EXCELLENT records. These lines go back to the early 1600s and late 1500s.
Both family trees are up on Ancestry, BUT I have NOT listed anyone below my grandparents generation (and none below my grandparents-in-law as well).
I only met one of my husbands grandparents - his grandfather who died 1 year after we were married.
And I have not uploaded any photos either. This way I sort of keep some privacy - by not having my mothers maiden name online for everyone to see.
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Hiya Johngirl
Theres a magnet on my fridge that read ' friends welcome, relatives by appointment' might get it updated to read (unless your dead);D
Willow x
HAHA that quote from the magnet made me chuckle, I completely understand the sentiment. My remaining family all live miles away from me, and much as I wish we were in more contact, they mostly seem incapable of being civil with each other, and as I am no where near I guess it's a case of out of sight out of mind?
As far as I'm aware none of them are particularly interested in genealogy, so it's nice to have found relatives (such as my distant cousin Willow 4873, fellow rootschat resident) who share an interest in the subject.
My OH merely takes the mick out of my obsession with 'dead people', the irony being I found a fully researched tree from his grandma's side online. If only I could be so lucky.
And my dear uncle in Wales has started taking an interest since I found a contact who kindly sent me a photo of gx2 grandparents, whom my uncle had never seen. Since my mum passed away he is now left without any family either, so being put in that position perhaps increases a need to look into the family's past? It is certainly my only way of having a sense of family, and I don't care if they are all long gone!
No one should try and stop you doing family history research, it is an enjoyable and often educational past time.
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Here Here!
Lucky OH! Knowing how we have struggled with tracing our tree Rachel it always seems to be that way. Whilst tracing my OH tree I've found lots of info on his side online but still no trace of our elusive George Mears lol
Willow x
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To be honest Willow, I haven't even looked into George Mears. As you know I took rather a long break from the research as had lots going on, and since I've been back online I've been tracing other lines thanks to some certificates that helped me along.
I did have a quick look for George and Elizabeth on 1841 last night and like you, no sign of them. I really should start looking into it, I see you've done loads on Elizabeth Owen already and I haven't been much help!
(sorry for interrupting thread lol)
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Lol no prob Rachel
I keep wandering off on other branches (including OHs) hoping he'll pop up one day - maybe he ran off and died somewhere else just to frustrate us ;D
Willow x
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Willow .... I have found they pop up when you least expect them .... especially when you aren't looking for them ;D
KHP ;D
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Hi RachelK and Willow4873, :)
I don`t mind at all if you go off the the topic of my sister doesen`t want me to do the family history. My sister hasen`t spoken to me since I started the topic so if you can get some info from my topic about your family history ,go for it. I hope you both find George and Elizabeth, I know how frustrating it can be not being able to find that elusive ancestor. As you can see I`m still doing my family history and as for my darling older think she knows more than me sister, well I don`t really give to hoots. ;D ;D
johngirl ;D
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Thats the attitude Johngirl!
Willow x
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Re: the message on the fridge magnet – isn’t there an “update” to it? Like: “Relatives are forced upon us; thank goodness we can choose our friends”.
Think I’ll put that across the front of the fridge - unfortunately, the Relatives it applies to won’t see it! ;D
John
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Thats true John
Maybe I should post them one lol
Willow x
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Some people are just too unimaginative to be able to understand why anyone would be interested in family history. I remember mentioning something to a friend once, just in passing, about my hobby, and she just stared at me, brow furrowed, mouth open, and asked me why on earth I would be interested in my ancestors? I pointed out that a very high number of people in this country are into family history but her "you freak!" expression didn't fade.
Many years ago, on my mother's side, an uncle by marriage warned me to keep out of family history, saying "You might find out something you don't like." I told him I couldn't imagine anything that could upset me and I intended to carry on with it. On my Dad's side, my grandmother and great-grandmother were as helpful as they could be, giving me details and information, although my dear grandmother did neglect to mention that she had a box of old documents including certificates stashed away, even though every time I received a new certificate from the GRO she would look at it with much interest and confirm she had known some of the information on it!
::) Relatives! Who'd have 'em!
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Hi,
as anyone else come across members of your family objecting to you doing the family history. My sister has told me in no uncertain terms that by me doing the family history it is upsetting the memory of my mother. I put my family tree on Ancestry where only people who I invite can view it. I put photos of my mother and father [who is also deceased] onto my family tree site [only peolpe I invite can see them] and my sister went ballistic. What do others think I should do. Keep going with my research or bow down to my sister and just scrap the lot.
Johngirl ??? ??? ???
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I do think that its because you put all information on ancestry no site is secure so I understand how your sister feels. I have been doing my tree for two years all by hand on a roll of lining wallpaper!!! I have tried several family tree software but haven't found one that lets you put all information on ie. divorces, occupations, extra info so by hand is very flexible. Good luck with your research.
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Bishenbertie
Are you only putting your direct line on your roll of lining wallpaper? There's no way my tree would fit, as I research my tree sideways too.
Lizzie
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I am cascading the tree on the lining wallpaper. The art is to leave several feet at the start of the paper unlike my first attempt when I started at the beginning of the roll and soon ran out of room. At the moment I haven't gone back further than 1795 and the tree is now 8' wide so many family members. It is probably easier for those who only want to do a direct line tree but I like the flexibility and the family party you have when everyone wants to see how its getting on.
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MrsLizzy, I hope you found the box! ::)
Kooky
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My father found it, after she died. So after the funeral I was handed several documents and photographs, including the actual originals of certificates I had shelled out lots of money to buy copies of in the previous eleven years! My grandmother knew I was doing this as I used to take the certificates to show her when I received them. Not once did she say "Well actually, dear . . ."!
Never mind - I'm not upset at all!
;D
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Bet you're saying "Grrrr, Grandma! >:(", Mrs Lizzy!!
MarieC
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Hope you don't mind me joining in. I suppose everyone feels differently about family trees. But to me it is a tribute in a way to every person on my tree. They are not rich or famous, none of them would be remembered, so I feel responsible for every person I add, and feel they have a right to be remembered, no matter how ordinary they were.
I feel through my research it gives each of them their place back, for example my Grans two little sisters, they died within 6 days of each other aged 1yr and 3yrs, and none of us knew they had ever lived untill I started my tree, my Dad and his cousin aged 93yrs were so moved when I told them of the baby Aunts they knew nothing about.
The soldiers from WW1 and WW2. My Mother had a young Uncle who died before she was born, I told her and her siblings about him, and managed to find a picture. I also found a picture of Mums Dad who got a DCM and she cried to see him so young. Least we forget? Yes they would be forgotten if not for the tree.
All of these things are out there to be found, if I can, anyone can, so little is private.
But as long as the living are safe guarded and nothing bad is on a tree, then I feel they should be seen as memorials to those gone before.
I hope one day your sister comes round and even shows an interest, but if not don't mention your tree, and see yourself as the guardian of each person who lives on in its' branches and you wont go far wrong, good luck XX
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Well said, Lemon Nelly. That's how I feel. My tree is MY tribute to those who have gone and also from whence I came. I have found out so much, historically, sociologically that I didn't know before. Yes, just ordinary folk but they deserve to be remembered. If it wasn't for them, we wouldn't be here!
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Lemon Nelly
I feel they should be seen as memorials to those gone before.
I agree entirely and like you I've found out about g.aunts and uncles I didn't know existed, as my grandfather "forgot" to mention he had any siblings and learned about the lives some of my ancestors endured with babies dying, mothers dying young and leaving young children etc. Their lives were so much harder than we could ever imagine and I hope they would be happy to know that someone is interested in them, many years later.
Lizzie
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Thankyou Lemon Nelly,ozlady and LizzieW,
If only my sister could read what you have all written then she may understand why we do the family history.
Yes it is a tribute to all our past ancestors not something that we do to cause trouble for our past ancestors.
My sister has not spoken to me since she objected to me doing the family history.
It doesn`t bother me though as I know I`m not causing trouble only leaving something for my children and grandchildren and great grandchildren to remember their ancestors by when I`m long gone as well.
Johngirl
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Hi,
as anyone else come across members of your family objecting to you doing the family history. My sister has told me in no uncertain terms that by me doing the family history it is upsetting the memory of my mother. I put my family tree on Ancestry where only people who I invite can view it. I put photos of my mother and father [who is also deceased] onto my family tree site [only peolpe I invite can see them] and my sister went ballistic. What do others think I should do. Keep going with my research or bow down to my sister and just scrap the lot.
Johngirl ??? ??? ???
Keep going with your research, and if you sister isn't interested then she doesn't need to see the results.
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Hi Zelley,
As you can see I`m still plodding along with my family history and yes my sister will never get to see the results. :P Thankyou for your encouragement its greatly appreciated.
Johngirl
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Hear! hear! to all of you! ;D
And yes, Johngirl, do keep going. It is extremely worthwhile for the reasons that have been stated!
There will be plenty of people who will thank you, and all of us, for doing what we are doing!
MarieC
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We all enjoy what we do .... ancestry can be fun... not just endless list of baptisms /marriages /deaths or census but finding out the real people behind that.
I have no idea why you sister objects....its your family and enjoy them high and lows included. We all have found some tasty little skeleton somewhere just shows we are all human . We have illegal marriages (6 in total ..so far) kids no marriage or they married when kids left home. One line who have totally the wrong name....thats great braking the news over the table.
I even had a scare with my nan a couple of weeks ago. Found the baptism but father was not my great grandad...... send for cert and panic whilst working out what to tell mum! ::) However birth cert here today.... Albert is the father.... but baptism has the name of her uncle....must of slipped the vicar a sherry before the service.
We had tears when we found my other great grandads death details in the newspaper after searching for him for 4 years.... sadness and joy combined.
Never once did anyone not answer my questions or say no please dont. In fact 3 cousins are now doing their extra brances and after Christmas we will combine them.
I love this little hobby so keep it up ..... ENJOY!
Tazzie
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What really annoys me is when family members only want you to do "selective" family history.
One member of my family has shown a great interest and happily received all the documentation I have found - newspaper cuttings , certificates, etc - then we discovered that a great Aunt was born a few months before parents married . The comment made was "I have heard about that before - that's best left lie."
She has now altered the age of great Aunt -to make her "legit"- and even altered the copy of the birth certificate - surname - added father's name - so she can show it to her grandchildren (who are all either married or living with "patrtners")
"Selective" family history -what a waste of time !!!!
Everyone is entitled to their opinion and interest - but musn't confuse the family story with a fairy story!!!!
Suz
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In all the families I have tracked in the 1800s, I reckon the bride was invariably pregnant at time of wedding.
Not a modern type drama - they would have been happily courting until the inevitable meant the community would expect them to do the right thing - which they probably would have eventually anyway.
I dont see shame, just the normal scheme of things.
Pennine West Yrkshire by the way.
Dale
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Hi Suz,
I am in agreement with Dale, most of the Brides in my Tree appear to have been pregnant at the time of their marriage..... so couldn't have been frowned on really.
I have only one that I know wasn't, apart from the ones that never had children after their marriages.
Possibly it was a way of confirming the lady was furtile, and therefore they would have someone to look after them in their old age.
Ambers
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Most of mine were pregnant when they married - I think it was because once a female married she was expected to stop work if she was "in service" her employment would be terminated. If she was the eldest daughter at home her servces would be needed to help around the home. So i know there was no shame. They quite simply didn't marry until they had to finish work to look after the child!
The great aunt who was illegit was born 1910 - and the family were staunch methodists -so I guess they just kept it quiet thinking no one would ever find out !!!!
Then of course attitudes changed from it not being shameful -to it being a "sin" - I know of several who married (1920s) when they were pregnant and sooner than admit to it they changed the year of their marrage when relating it to their children. There's many a time I've thought a silver wedding celebrated 24 years of marriage!!!!!!
Now we are in a society where it is not considered to be shameful for a couple to get a home, have a child and then eventually marry -and for the women to carry on working.
I think my relative likes everyting to be tidily packed in a box -and doesn't appreciate me taking the lid off!!!!!
C'est la vie!
Suz
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Hi all,
Yes most of mine were pregnant as well when they married including my own mother. :o
This is not what my sister is really upset about. In her opinion my mother was a private person so therefore I should keep my mothers ancestors private as well.
My sister reckons my mother[who is now deceased]would be horrified about me dredging up our ancestors.The trouble is my sister cannot or will not tell me why mother would be upset by this. Not once did I ever hear my mother say that she never wanted us to delve into our family history.
That sister of mine it seems to me is just jealous that I have found who our ancestors were. I done something that she probably wanted to take the credit for ::)
Johngirl
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In her opinion my mother was a private person so therefore I should keep my mothers ancestors private as well.
But the fact is - with censuses, and BMD indexes, and other surviving documents available on the internet, and available to view at Local Record Offices, information about ancestors is not private. Anyone can easily have access to it. It is good that you are piecing together this information in a structured and helpful way, to keep the information about your ancestors factual, ordered and less subject to misinterperatation.
You not doing family history research will not make the information about your ancestors more private! That would be the case if no one could see the info other than you, and you then publisized it. But whatever you have found, anyone else could find too! (if they wanted to)
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Yes lizdb thats exactly right. My sister knows nothing does she. ;D
If only she took the time to see what I have found and put together instead of trying to tell me it would be against my mothers wishes she may then see I`m not out to ruin my mothers privacy.
Johngirl
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Hi johngirl,
Maybe you should explain to your sister about all the records being in the public eye anyway.
Anyone of your distant rellie's could follow your line through, and put it on the Web, and it's best for someone in your family to do it and make sure that it is correct.
I followed the daughter of one of mine that had an illlegitimate son very young in the 1860's, more out of worry about what happened to her, to find her in later years married to a man with a very good job. I then found her son in later years, owning his own business.
I wonder what she means by your mum being a very private person, both my sister and mum were private people, but with regards to not talking much about their lives to others very much ...there was nothing to hide!
My sister died at 54, but I know this is the hobby she wanted to follow as we talked about it, and she had even brought some photographs up to me to try and sort out the background. Just as well because her husband destroyed everything after her death including all my parents documents. :'(... and I starting doing it on her behalf then.
Mum would have been thrilled about how I have traced her family back, and would have constantly needed up-dating on the progress. I think all three of us would have been addicted.
It must annoy your sister with what you have discovered, I bet she is envious of your skills really, and would dearly like to know what you know.
Ambers
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Ambers,
You touched a chord with me. My Dad was interested in family history, but sadly when he died in 1989 we did not have the Internet to research, and I did not share his interest. I know that he would be thrilled with what I have discovered about his family! I hope that he does know.
I'm sorry about the destruction of your parents' documents. That must have been awful for you!
MarieC
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Hi MarieC,
Although I have been able to trace my mothers side of the family without any of the original documents, my dad's side were Welsh and have found it impossible to get the birth certs for anyone.
Dad was orphaned at a young age, and his knowledge of his family background was little. He always kept a very old leather bound book which was given to him as a child, it had dates of birth, marriage and illnesses to my knowledge, which he kept up-dated.
It did look very tattered, but to destroy along with other things of my parents was unbelievable :'(
Ambers
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A few pages back, someone asked why their enjoyment of family history should be regarded as an 'obsession', whilst their OH's collection of travel books was described as a 'passion'.
My husband and I had a similar discussion only yesterday, when he asked why I was 'obsessed with dead people'. Ignoring the, 'never answer a question with a question' advice, I asked him why he always felt the need to buy far more wood than he required when doing anything. His reply was - a rather unsatisfactory - 'just because ...'
QED I think?
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I wonder where the world would be now if humans werent prone to obsessing a little.
No religion, no spectator sports, no wars, no collectors, no millionaires - sounds a bit like John Lennon song - but he probably wouldnt have written it ! and even if he had no-one would have bought it .
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Dad was orphaned at a young age, and his knowledge of his family background was little. He always kept a very old leather bound book which was given to him as a child, it had dates of birth, marriage and illnesses to my knowledge, which he kept up-dated.
It did look very tattered, but to destroy along with other things of my parents was unbelievable :'(
Ambers
Oh Ambers - I'm so sorry! What an awful thing to happen - you must have been ropeable!! :'( :'(
MarieC
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Ambers,
That is so very very sad.
To think that so much of your heritage was discarded is too cruel - especially after your Dad had cherished his heritage for so long. Let's hope that it might have survived somewhere and might turn up one day.
Most of my people have been able to be traced by the records despite the fact that photos and so on were chucked. My father's sister burned so much. But before this my father's brother's son kept heaps of stuff (especially photos) and took them with him when he went to live in New Guinea. When he returned to Aus he packed photos and papers into two piles and told the people who worked for him to pack one pile to go to Aus, and to burn the other pile. Yes, you know what happened.
All the very best,
JAP
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Thanks MarieC and Jap for your thoughts on what he did :-*
Sorry to hear of your destroyed documents too Jap.
Maybe Johngirls sister will be very sorry for not taking an interest in what she has accomplished with her Tree one day too.
Ambers
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Hi ambers and JAP.
How sad that people don`t realise the importance of documents like these. To us they are our past. All that part of your family history just gone.
My oldest sister would have loved that I`m doing our family history but sadly she passed on eleven years ago. My sister knew more about our family than the sister who is kicking up a fuss about me doing our family history. My oldest sister was a lot older than my other siblings.
Yes hopefully one day my sister will come around and appreciate what I have researched. Until that time I will just keep up my interest in my family history.
Pity my sister can`t get the family history obsession bug like most of us on rootschat.
Johngirl
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My brother told me its usually the mad person in the family that does the family tree bit insulting indeed!
I didnt let it get to me I have made hundreds of friends from the research.
Keep up the research I think research like this is a monument to our ancestors.
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Hi Gerard A. Murphy,
I think it is the most family orientated one of the family that does the research. We are not the mad ones in the family. ;D
I have also made hundreds of friends through my research while my sister sits at home twidling her thumbs. ::)
Johngirl
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My brother told me its usually the mad person in the family that does the family tree bit insulting indeed!
Well, my response to that would be "Well, you won't want to know what I find then ?"
You have to do what you want to do in this life, and as long as you don't intentionally hurt anyone else, then you're not doing anything wrong.
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I was talking to a friend of mine about privacy of information and I mentioned this thread. He didn't know what a family tree was so I was very kind to him and introduced him to Ancestry ;D........after our discussion he had decided that genealogical research was a government plot to create expert researchers ::)........I said to what end ???.......I'm still waiting for his answer :-\
He did say that I was mad for looking for dead people but I didn't take any offense because it's hard to explain how interesting it is when you are doing the research and all the sidebars you take in the process.
I haven't heard from him for a week.....hmmmm ;D
I have no intention of stopping my research and sometimes I do discover a secret. I now keep it all to myself as I think that's best because I have learned the hard way that an interesting fact to you is a horror to someone else :P
mab
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Hi Mab,
So your friend thinks us family history researchers as recruits for being government expert researchers. ;D
Well would be good if we all were. Its something a lot of us could look foward to in our retirement as many of us are elderly. We wouldn`t ever get bored in our retirement or be short on money as I`m sure the government would pay us pretty well for this sort of job. ;D
Your friend dosen`t know what he is missing out on searching for dead people. At least our long gone ancestors can`t moan at us about what we are doing.
Mab it is good that you have no intention of giving up with your research and don`t listen to the sceptics who have no idea what our research is all about. They are the ones that are missing out. Family research is fun and exciting especially when you knock down a very old brickwall.
Johngirl
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Well, on here at least everybody is doing similar things and we all appreciate the importance of it!! ;D
I don't know about mad, but I have been accused of being eccentric a few times. I just smile sweetly and say, "Oh, thanks for the compliment - I really appreciate it!" There is silence. They don't know what to say next! ;D
MarieC
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One of the many joys of all this family research is finding living kin.
In some cases it might be an unknown cousin or a distant cousin of
the sixth degree.
Each of us has so many intersting stories to tell. Of course
due to privacy issues it is important not to reveal details of living
members of our trees. But, to touch base on some of the others
is cool and refreshing, sometimes sad but still worth the effort.
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Maybe we tree builders are mad, but hey it keeps us quiet ;)
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Very true ;D
Oh and by the way welcome to Rootschat.
mab
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To add my twopennorth I had a similar problem with mum's sister many moons ago. One day I recieved an email from her objecting to her name being posted on GenesReunited. I tried to email her back asking why? only to find the email had been sent from an anonymous email addy. I did not have her contact details as mum and her havent spoken for years so I rang my cousin (aunt's daughter) and asked her to find out what was wrong. The reply eventually was she was worried about identity theft? (from information in the public domain!!). The only info on genes was her name.
My hobby has made me many friends and enabled me to meet many long lost cozzies in some far flung places so I have no plans to stop anytime soon.
Bazza
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A lot of people are afraid of things they don't know enough about. I have recently started researching my family tree and have found it interesting, exciting, frustrating and every emotion in between. Sadly both my parents have passed away and with them a whole volumes of information that would have been very useful to my research. In the past there didn't seem to be so much need for written information as families usually stayed around the same place, Granddad would have married the girl who lived in the same village, that sort of thing but nowadays the family is so fragmented, we move around much more, get divorced, have children outside of marriage. We don't necessarily know where or who we came from. I genuinely believe that we should have our family history recorded not only for our own amusement but for future generations to look back and see who we were and what lives we lived.
Carry on and good luck with your research and your sister.
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THankyou gw1979,
Your reply is exactly how I also feel on the subject of family research. My parents are also both passed on as well as most of my Aunts and Uncles. Most of our family history information has gone with them. My sister is probably afraid of things she dosen`t know about. My sister lives in a world where everything has to be perfect family wise so thats why she is probably frightened to find out about our family history just in case there are things that are not quite perfect.
I have found a few interesting things in my research but nothing that doesn`t happen to other familys.
Thankyou again gw1979.
Johngirl
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I agree absolutely. In my case, my children were born in a different country, one they know something about , have visited..... but they have very little knowledge of the history and no idea at all as to where some of their ancestors were born, so how will THEIR children know anything? At the moment none of them are particularly interested in family history and my grandsons are babes, but who knows, there might come a time when they might be interested. I shall leave all my info and records to the kids and it's up to them what they do with it.
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To add my twopennorth I had a similar problem with mum's sister many moons ago. One day I recieved an email from her objecting to her name being posted on GenesReunited. ...
Did you know that it is against the rules to add any living person's name to Genes Reunited without their permission?
I know a number of people who have not agreed and I thinks that this is their right.
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I find it strange that a persons name (no other personal details) can be "against the rules". Your name is in the public domain in many places. As I said I was in communication with my cousin who raised no objections and to replace one name in the middle of a tree looks decidedly odd. I wonder how many trees on Genes and elsewhere are placed there without "permission" from the people concerned.
As an example I noticed a tree on the Internet the other day with full details of all family members right up to the current day, a practice I would not condone. This tree contained children born in Australia as late as the 1990's. My own practice when given information from contacts on genes is to only add people born before 1910 so as not to rum foul of anyone still living.
Barry
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To add my twopence worth
Go for it. I've found out a lot my dad in particular never knew, found lost family members, found a few skeltons along the way but hey it's great fun and I have learned so much about social history too. Also have met some great friends thru doing it as well.
If things are uncovered that are senstive is about how they are handled that's important but it shouldn't stop you doing the research.
Go for it!
Best wishes
Ann
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Hi Ann,
Thankyou so much for your reply. I`m still going for it and ignoring my sister.
It will be her loss. I have also learnt so much doing my family history.
Johngirl
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A lot of people are afraid of things they don't know enough about. I have recently started researching my family tree and have found it interesting, exciting, frustrating and every emotion in between. Sadly both my parents have passed away and with them a whole volumes of information that would have been very useful to my research. In the past there didn't seem to be so much need for written information as families usually stayed around the same place, Granddad would have married the girl who lived in the same village, that sort of thing but nowadays the family is so fragmented, we move around much more, get divorced, have children outside of marriage. We don't necessarily know where or who we came from. I genuinely believe that we should have our family history recorded not only for our own amusement but for future generations to look back and see who we were and what lives we lived.
Carry on and good luck with your research and your sister.
Apparently people left 'messages' on the 1901 census which have survived. You could try leaving a message on your next one.
Rather than being us being coy about info the govt should allow us a lazy half gig to leave a message for posterity
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If things are uncovered that are senstive is about how they are handled that's important but it shouldn't stop you doing the research.
I completely agree. My Grandmother had 6 illegitimate children and never married. My Aunt just clams up when asked about her, yes I know it is her prerogative and I know she would rather me not delve into this side of the family but hey it was my Dad's mother as well. It just makes things a little harder (too late to ask Dad now) to find out the info, more fun I suppose if not frustrating at times. I'm not here to judge, nor am I ashamed, but like my cousins just interested in our roots.
Keep going Johngirl, have fun
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I find it strange that a persons name (no other personal details) can be "against the rules". Your name is in the public domain in many places.
Speaking as someone who has been a victim of identity theft, I can tell you that when it happens to you, it can make you paranoid about it.
You didn't make it clear whether you had posted someone's name in isolation, or whether you had placed their name in a tree. If it was the latter, I can understand their concern, because although it may have only been a name posted, it would have been linked to a mother and a father's name, and one of the questions asked as part of security checks with many banks and credit card companies is "Mother's maiden name". Fraudsters operate by seeking out snippets of facts about people from various places, and putting them all together, so it's not a good idea to put details of living people on sites where anyone can look them up.
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I have to agree with you, Nick29.
Many people here on Rootschat are very wary about putting very much at all on GenesReunited.
I have my tree on there, but no living people, except me. And I tend not to put deceased people on there, if they have living offspring, unless they too have added them, because that can cause problems, as well. My father is no longer alive, but he is on there as 'male relative'.
A relative of my friend put the details of her family on, without permission ~ I found them and she was really annoyed. I would have been, too.
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I find it strange that a persons name (no other personal details) can be "against the rules". Your name is in the public domain in many places.
Speaking as someone who has been a victim of identity theft, I can tell you that when it happens to you, it can make you paranoid about it.
You didn't make it clear whether you had posted someone's name in isolation, or whether you had placed their name in a tree. If it was the latter, I can understand their concern, because although it may have only been a name posted, it would have been linked to a mother and a father's name, and one of the questions asked as part of security checks with many banks and credit card companies is "Mother's maiden name". Fraudsters operate by seeking out snippets of facts about people from various places, and putting them all together, so it's not a good idea to put details of living people on sites where anyone can look them up.
Yes, banks ask that question but only the naive would actually answer with a name.
When answering any security question always use a random mixture of numbers letters and symbols. Never use any word or name unless you want to destroy any element of security afforded.
Cheers
Guy
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Yes, banks ask that question but only the naive would actually answer with a name.
Well Guy, when I had my identity stolen, it wasn't a bank at fault, it was a credit card issuer - in fact the second largest CC issuer in the world - Mastercard.
The only naivity on my part was in assuming that no-one could be so stupid that they would allow a password to be changed during an online transaction on the production of someone's DOB and mother's maiden name ! Since the CC company already had these details on the CC application form, I didn't even have to give it to them. Visa have a very similar system. The actual bank that issued the card agreed that the system is about as secure as the bank of toytown, but the system is set up by Mastercard USA who are not worried about the security hole, because we are paying for it in our bank charges.
The onus of establishing good security is on our banks, not us, but I don't see the point of encouraging fraudsters by leaving my personal details all over the internet (although completely avoiding that is extremely difficult, if not impossible).
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.... I don't see the point of encouraging fraudsters by leaving my personal details all over the internet (although completely avoiding that is extremely difficult, if not impossible).
Especially if you are researching the family history.
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Well Guy, when I had my identity stolen, it wasn't a bank at fault, it was a credit card issuer - in fact the second largest CC issuer in the world - Mastercard.
The only naivity on my part was in assuming that no-one could be so stupid that they would allow a password to be changed during an online transaction on the production of someone's DOB and mother's maiden name ! Since the CC company already had these details on the CC application form, I didn't even have to give it to them. Visa have a very similar system. The actual bank that issued the card agreed that the system is about as secure as the bank of toytown, but the system is set up by Mastercard USA who are not worried about the security hole, because we are paying for it in our bank charges.
The onus of establishing good security is on our banks, not us, but I don't see the point of encouraging fraudsters by leaving my personal details all over the internet (although completely avoiding that is extremely difficult, if not impossible).
The answer is very simple sue them.
The banking industry have known since the early 1970s that using names etc not only provides no security at all but in fact lulls the naive into a false sense of security.
To use any such system is negligent and the bank or Credit Card company can be made to pay.
Cheers
Guy
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Hi,
I have gone throught something a bit like yours, Guy; my aunt will not talk to me because I found out about my grandfather's affair and she said no-one need no. To be honest, I wasn't going to shout about it to anyone. Also, my grandfather and grandmother had a child that until about 6 months ago, I knew nothing of. She was called Gillian and she was delivered with some sort of brain abnormality in the sixties, and no one will have anything to do with her. She is actually still alive but they do not know that :(
Unless your sister has some family reason like mine, I think she should accept that you are doing what is right for you, although you might have to work around her wishes.
Matt
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Matt
I think it's a generational thing. Although my mother told me about her uncle going into a mental asylum in the early 1900s, that is the only family "scandal" she spoke about. For instance, I didn't know an aunt had got divorced, I was just told her husband was working away. Even divorce was thought to be too scandalous to speak about in the 1940s. Yet my brother who wasn't born until 12 years after me was told when he was a child and he was the one who told me, when I was already an adult! And don't get me started on illegitimate babies. ::)
Nowadays, most people couldn't care less about what happens in their families and what anyone thinks about them - murder and other awful crimes probably excepted.
Lizzie
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I agree with you Lizzie. Things that upset my grandparents & even parents don't bother anyone today.
Even pregnancies within marriage were whispered about ~ those outside of wedlock were not even thought about :( :)
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Hi Forthefamily,
no the trouble is my sister knows nothing of our family history.Yes she is older than me but only by eighteen months. Its just a privacy thing with her. I know there is nothing in our family history that is damaging to our family and especially nothing that can be damaging about her. Maybe jealousy but I`m not sure.
Johngirl :-\
the thing is-it isn't private. You are merely accessing details which are available to all on the public record. Putting the details into a tree isn't going to make a jot of difference to anyone's family memories, and it certainly isn't going to upset your mum and dad. You were right to block access so that she can't be upset, but she has no right to pressure you (or anyone else) to stop looking at available records. Family research can reveal some things that might be embarrassing(believe me, I know!), but if it is sensitively handled it should not stop you researching and getting pleasure from a hobby.
Monique
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My father found it, after she died. So after the funeral I was handed several documents and photographs, including the actual originals of certificates I had shelled out lots of money to buy copies of in the previous eleven years! My grandmother knew I was doing this as I used to take the certificates to show her when I received them. Not once did she say "Well actually, dear . . ."!
Never mind - I'm not upset at all!
;D
LOL i had to giggle at this!
My grandma went one better................ she let me search for 3 YEARS for her parents marriage in the area i KNEW they had married in with no luck ...............and this was in the days before internet, i spent days and weeks going thru parish records, fiche IGI everything in my days off & spare time and no luck.
I finaly plucked up the courage to tell her I didnt think they had actually married as the only Henry Childs I could find in the right area & time didnt marry a Woman named Planceana Flint - she was named Blanche Filint ...........
Nanas reaction ?? ............................. Oh I know that ................... Mum hated her name so she never used it.......................I have the certificate in her papers
I had ASKED her over & over for help and she had NEVER told me once I was searching for the wrong name - ohh and by the way I have the original certificate safe n sound ............ LOL I literaly couldnt speak for ages, I didnt know whether to laugh or cry! (lol when I think what it cost me looking so long I think it was cry!!)
When I did actually look at the cert I quickly relalised why she had tried to hide it, and why she had finaly given it up - her parents married just weeks before her older brother was born, I think the thought me knowing they had Married just before his birth was better than me thinking they never married at all ! !
Gaille
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My Dad was the only person we knew from his family. Mum's family is huge. So, when we were youngsters, we used to ask Dad about his family and he only ever appeared vague about it. Mum then took us aside and asked us not to ask about his family.
For years and years I wanted to know where he came from and so did Mum. Finally, in 2004 when I got my own computer, I plucked up the courage to ask him if he really wanted to know and that I could look up records on the Internet. He gave me what few details he knew and in no time I had traced his Dad's family on the Census. I have since found a lot of his family and the next part of my research will take me to Ireland. It turned out that Dad's Mum died of Tuberculosis when Dad was only 8 months old and he was brought up by an aunt and uncle, who didn't have any children of their own. His older brother was brought up by another aunt and they hardly ever saw each other. Meanwhile his father desserted them both and eventually remarried.
I recently managed to trace a stepbrother of Dad's who is still alive, coming from the second marriage. This stepbrother only found out by accident that my grandfather had been married before and had two children. I now understand why Dad didn't know anything as I don't think he had been told. In essence, he and his brother had been abandoned by their father.
You'd think that someone with that background would grow up not really knowing about families, but my Dad is just super and I'm glad that he met Mum who is his real soul mate and gives him all the love and support he lacked in his youth.
My sister was also dead against my looking up Dad's past but has since come to accept it all, once she saw that Dad was OK about it.
Dora
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That's a lovely story, Dora! I'm so glad you have been able to fill in details of his "lost" family for someone who is clearly a wonderful Dad! Good too that your sister has accepted it now.
MarieC
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Hi JohnGirl and everyone who's replied to this topic!
What an interesting subject and it proves that we all have a need to know where we come from, especially if like me, your parents and older rellies are not around to ask. When I started my search about two years ago all I knew were my parent's names-literally! Now I am piecing together several generations and have uncovered a few facts that, at the time would be "not talked about" but these days is common!
JohnGirl- keep on doing what you need to do, your children or other successors will thank you for it! I am getting a bit of opposition myself, not from family but from a partner who is jealous of the time "spent with my head in a computer". I choose to ignore that and find he actually asks questions now! So don't be put off-it's your life and you only get one!!!
Good luck with it. ;)
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I had this problem with family. Keep going, but put all your research onto a private tree (eg Legacy for PC or PAWS on a Mac) only on your own computer! It solved my problems! ;). There are other programmes but the two mentioned are free download I believe. Personally I went for a programme I had to buy - but it is worth it I believe.
Wiggy
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Thankyou Wiggy and parkywinter.
I`m still going strong with my family history and have put it into a private tree on my computer. :)
Wiggy I also only knew my parents names. My Grandparents had all passed away before I was born or just after.
Haven`t heard a thing from my sister for nearly a year >:(
Good luck to both of you in the search for your ancestors.
Johngirl
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Wiggy - Yes the basic Legacy is free, but you can also buy their better products.
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I agree with you Lizzie. Things that upset my grandparents & even parents don't bother anyone today.
Even pregnancies within marriage were whispered about ~ those outside of wedlock were not even thought about :( :)
LOL I remember when I was a child in the 70's my Nana & her neighbours (all older ladies) would talk in 'code' in front of the kids playing.
No one was EVER pregnant - the word wasnt used - I remember one neighbour being described as being 'in a delicate condition' another 'lying in' (lol I remember thinking she must be VERY lazy to be in bed all that time!)
I remember one of the neighbours girls was unmarried and the neighbours whispering about her being 'disgraced' as she had 'caught' ............... lol I was totaly confused at the time as to WHAT she had done to be caught & disgraced !
LOL I had forgotten all about that until you mentioned it, it was kind of fun remembering playing in the street outside Nanas house, not thought about that in a LONG time, fun memories, thank you.
Gaille
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'Lying In' was the time the mother spent in bed (up to 2 weeks, so bad for them!) after the baby was born. Also called 'being confined', and no wonder!
I don't ever remember people using the word 'pregnant' when I was a child. Even doctors didn't say it. If married, she was 'expecting'; if not, she was 'in trouble'.
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Oh, dear.
You've got me panicking, now.
My wife said that if I forgot to put the rubbish bin out again, this week, then I'd be "in trouble".!
Back to the original topic, my mother said she wanted me to stop telling her about our family's ancestry. I'm presuming that it just brings back sad memories for her.
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Oh dear Roger you aren`t pregnant are you :o
Yes many of our older generation had a very tough time in the old days. Times were hard not like today.
Johngirl
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Oh, dear.
You've got me panicking, now.
My wife said that if I forgot to put the rubbish bin out again, this week, then I'd be "in trouble".!
Back to the original topic, my mother said she wanted me to stop telling her about our family's ancestry. I'm presuming that it just brings back sad memories for her.
I often wonder what my mother would think, and I don't think she would have been happy about it. She was married before, and my sister was born "out of wedlock", because my mother was still married to someone else when my sister was born (my mother and father were living together). Eventually they did get married when her divorce came through, but my mother was very embarrassed about it, and wouldn't talk about it. It doesn't seem to be a big thing in these enlightened times, but illegitimacy could make you an outcast pre-WW2.
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I wonder if my mother knew that her own mother had been 6 months pregnant when she married? I didn't tell her when I found out as she was so disgusted that anyone had sex before marriage. She knew my gran and her first daughter shared a birthday, but I bet she thought her mother had been married 12 months previously and not just 3.
Lizzie
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It seems a great shame that somone objects so strongly to a member of their family doing this sort of research. My experience is just the opposite. Most of the relatives I know are very interested in the research I am doing. It seems in many ways to have galvanised members of both sides of my family. Everybody seems to be genuinely fascinated with some of the information I have been uncovering even if is sometimes a bit 'unsavoury'. I know that I really appreciate receiving various family related tit-bits of information (by phone, email & letter etc) from my relatives, even some that are quite distant. Believe me, for every relation (no matter how close) who objects to somone doing family research, there will be others who will think that what you are doing is very worthwhile and will encourage you.
Doddie
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It is interesting for many of us how our parents and siblings react to realities from all our pasts.
My step-father, who is a fit and healthy 85 this year, asked me to do his tree last year, mostly curious about this mother's line. Not much love between him and his father, who had been a strict disciplinarian and shown little love to his children. I fretted for days about telling him I had found his father as a 14 yr old in a Reformatory School in 1901, whilst the rest of his family lived together in Glasgow.
I need not have worried, when I finally found the courage to tell him what I had found, and that his father had been sent there for being a bit wild as a young boy, he has not stopped laughing about the thought that his father for all his demeanor is later years, had a "past".
Each family has its own issues and history.
Monica :)