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General => The Common Room => The Lighter Side => Topic started by: Berlin-Bob on Sunday 06 March 05 18:54 GMT (UK)

Title: R.I.P. .... but with a smile !
Post by: Berlin-Bob on Sunday 06 March 05 18:54 GMT (UK)
These crop up every so often as examples of gravestone inscriptions. 

I have my doubts whether they actually appeared on any gravestone, but they're still good for a chuckle:

   In Memory of Beza Wood
   Departed this life
   Nov. 2, 1837
   Aged 45 yrs.

   Here lie two Woods,
   one inside the other.
   One Wood is very good,
   I cannot praise the other !

Or the horticultural widower :

   This spot is the sweetest I've seen in my life,
   It raises my flowers and covers my wife !

Here's another misogynist
(this one is possibly true - from a tombstone in Sutton Parish Churchyard ?)

   Here lies my poor wife
   Without bed or blankit.
    But dead as a door nail,
   God be thankit

For  smokers:

   It wasn't the cough, that carried him off,
   It was the coffin they carried him off in !

That was the full, hardbook edition, by the way. 
The 'Reader's Digest Condensed Books' version looked like this:

   Chapter 1:
                      coughin'
   Chapter 2:
                      coffin.

And to finish off  ( *cheers* ) -----   for now !  (*groans*):

    He passed the bobby without any fuss
    And he passed the cart of hay,
    He tried to pass a swerving bus,
    And then he passed away.
Title: Re: R.I.P. .... but with a smile !
Post by: juddee on Sunday 06 March 05 20:45 GMT (UK)

Love them Berlin Bob   ;D ;D

Here are some that I love.

Sacred to the memory of my husband John Barnes who died January 3 1803.
His comely young widow, aged 23, has many qualificatios of a good wife, and yearns to be comforted.

On a spinster postmistress
Returned ...........Unopened


Cheers  Juddee



Title: Re: R.I.P. .... but with a smile !
Post by: Berlin-Bob on Sunday 13 March 05 12:16 GMT (UK)
A husband's Epitaph:

   As I am now,so you must be
   Therefore prepare to follow me.

The wife's Epitaph:

   To follow you I'm not content
   How do I know which way you went ?

On a Hosier: By his Hannah:

   He left his hose, his Hannah, and his love
    To sing Hosannahs in the world above

A Dentist:

   Stranger, approach this spot with gravity !
   John Brown is filling his last cavity.

A drink before we go,  Cider, anyone ?

   There was an old lady of Ryde
   Who ate some green apples and died
   The apples (fermented inside the lamented)
   made cider inside 'er inside
Title: amusing gravestones
Post by: tomkin on Sunday 11 September 05 01:01 BST (UK)
I was reading a history of the village in which I
live, written in 1922 by the then vicar. He records
the inscriptions on the tombstones.
He says this one must have belonged to a man who
liked his liquor too well.

Who lies here? Why who do you think?
Old Tommy Hardcastle,give him some drink.
A dead man drink, for why?
Because in his lifetime he was always dry.

Does anybody else know of any amusing inscriptions?
Tomkin.


Moderator Comment: topics merged
Title: Re: amusing gravestones
Post by: JillJ on Sunday 11 September 05 18:20 BST (UK)
Here's a few:

Beneath this silent stone is laid
A noisy, talkative old maid,
Whose tongue was only stayed by death,
And ne'er before was out of breath.

Anon.


Here lie I by the chancel door;
They put me here because I was poor.
The further in, the more you pay,
But here lie I as snug as they.

Anon - on a Devon tombstone.


My fire's extinct, my forge decayed,
And in the Dust my Vice is laid.
My coals are spent, my iron's gone
My Nails are Drove, my Work is done.

William Strange (?-1746) Epitaph
Title: Re: R.I.P. .... but with a smile !
Post by: Berlin-Bob on Friday 06 April 07 13:41 BST (UK)
Fovant, Wiltshire

"To Osmunde Martin, died 12 Ap. 1777, and to other. of his family ...

All you that come our grave to see
As we are now so must you be
As you are now so once were we,
So go your way, prepared to die
When you are dead and in your grave
Then no repentance you can have.
Title: Re: R.I.P. .... but with a smile !
Post by: Tephra on Friday 06 April 07 14:34 BST (UK)





 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D


Barbara           
Title: Re: R.I.P. .... but with a smile !
Post by: KathMc on Friday 06 April 07 14:41 BST (UK)
These are wonderful. I personally won't have room on my stone for any of these witticisms. I intend to put my lineage back several generations, to make it easy for my descendants in 100 years.  ;D ;D

Kath
Title: Re: R.I.P. .... but with a smile !
Post by: GalaxyJane on Saturday 07 April 07 22:27 BST (UK)
They will probably have digital tombstones soon. You know, like those digital photoframes you can get nowadays.
          Then you could have your whole tree on there, with photos, and maybe a bit of video...

    time: 3007
   place: Green Fields Repose Center, Greater Mousehole

   Oh look, Mummy, there's umpty great grandma Blogg's grave. Goodness, they only had one head in those days....
Title: Re: R.I.P. .... but with a smile !
Post by: Rewcastle on Saturday 07 April 07 22:40 BST (UK)
And as the old woman who was sick of husband put on his headstone "Under this sod, lies another old sod"  ;D
Title: Re: R.I.P. .... but with a smile !
Post by: Berlin-Bob on Sunday 08 April 07 09:48 BST (UK)
From Burlington Vt.

She lived with her husband fifty years
And died in the confident hope of a better life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From La Pointe, Wis.

To the Memory of Abraham Beaulieu
Born 15 September 1822
Accidentally shot 4th April 1844
As a mark of affection from his brother.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In a Ribbesford, England cemetery:

Anna Wallace
The children of Israel wanted bread
And the Lord sent them manna,
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A lawyer's epitaph in England:

      Sir John Strange
      Here lies an honest lawyer,
      And that is Strange.
Title: Re: R.I.P. .... but with a smile !
Post by: KathMc on Sunday 08 April 07 17:01 BST (UK)
Bob, I will have to send that last one to my lawyer brothers. They will get a kick out of that.  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Kath
Title: do you need a good laugh?
Post by: loo on Friday 04 May 07 10:33 BST (UK)
then read on...

http://freepages.genealogy.rootsweb.com/~darmay/humour.htm


Moderator Comment: topics merged
Title: Re: do you need a good laugh?
Post by: patrish on Friday 04 May 07 10:54 BST (UK)
I did not read it all, rather long, but I did have a good laugh, thanks  ;D
Title: Re: do you need a good laugh?
Post by: Cybermouse on Friday 04 May 07 11:28 BST (UK)
And another

"Here lies John Dunn
 He was killed by a gun
 His name was not Dunn but Wood
 But Wood would not rhyme with gun
 But Dunn would"

Seems they had a pretty good sense of humour even in the dark ages, LOL

Bron ;D
Title: Re: do you need a good laugh?
Post by: Tephra on Saturday 05 May 07 09:45 BST (UK)



LoL.  .. ...  Excellent.     ;D


Barbara                        8)
Title: Re: do you need a good laugh?
Post by: hiraeth on Saturday 05 May 07 10:08 BST (UK)
THANKS!!!

I needed a good giggle ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: R.I.P. .... but with a smile !
Post by: Mrs Doc on Friday 18 May 07 17:01 BST (UK)
Thanks Loo,
That was brilliant and soooooooooh true!
Mrs Doc
Title: Re: R.I.P. .... but with a smile !
Post by: Cybermouse on Saturday 19 May 07 01:23 BST (UK)
Epitaph of an attorney

Goembel
John E
1867 - 1946

"The Defence Rests"

Epitaph of an auctioneer

Jebediah Goodwin
Auctioneer
Born 1828

Going!

Going!

Gone!

1876

and one for a waiter

Here lies the body of
Detlof Swenson

Waiter

God finally caught his eye

April 10, 1902

 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: R.I.P. .... but with a smile !
Post by: MarieC on Sunday 20 May 07 07:01 BST (UK)
Cybermouse, LOL!!  ;D ;D ;D  Can't top those!

MarieC
Title: Re: R.I.P. .... but with a smile !
Post by: Josephine on Sunday 20 May 07 14:33 BST (UK)
My parents had a fake little wooden tombstone with a made-up saying on it that we always thought was so funny:

Ma loved Pa
Pa loved wimmin
Ma caught Pa with two in swimmin
Here lies Pa

I don't know where they got that bizarre knick-knack.

Regards,
Josephine
Title: Re: R.I.P. .... but with a smile !
Post by: Berlin-Bob on Sunday 27 May 07 14:54 BST (UK)
See also:

Topic: Blacksmith's epitaph
http://www.rootschat.com/forum/index.php/topic,183401.0.html

for two epitaphs about blacksmiths

Bob
Title: Re: R.I.P. .... but with a smile !
Post by: Lydart on Sunday 27 May 07 20:52 BST (UK)
"God took our flower,
Our little Nell.
He thought he too,
Would like a smell"
Title: A FEW EPITAPHS FOR A LAUGH
Post by: tropicalj on Monday 17 September 07 05:29 BST (UK)
Tombstones 

A truly Happy Person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.  And, one who can enjoy browsing old cemeteries...  Some fascinating things on old tombstones!

Harry Edsel Smith of Albany , New York :
Born 1903--Died 1942.
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down.  It was.
=============================
In a Thurmont, Maryland , cemetery:
Here lies an Atheist, all dressed up and no place to go.
=============================
On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery , Nova Scotia :
Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102.  Only The Good Die Young.
=============================
 In a London , England cemetery:
Here lies Ann Mann, Who lived an old maid but died an old Mann.  Dec.  8, 1767
=============================
 In a Ribbesford, England , cemetery:
Anna Wallace
The children of Israel wanted bread, And the Lord sent them manna.
Clark Wallace wanted a wife, And the Devil sent him Anna.
===============================
 In a Ruidoso, New Mexico , cemetery:
 Here lies Johnny Yeast...  Pardon me for not rising.
===============================
 In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania , cemetery:
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.
==============================
In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:
Here lays The Kid.
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger But slow on the draw.
================================
A lawyer's epitaph in England :
Sir John Strange.
Here lies an honest lawyer, and that is Strange.
=================================
John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England , cemetery:
Reader, if cash thou art in want of any, Dig 6 feet deep and thou wilt find a Penny.
==================================
In a cemetery in Hartscombe , England :
On the 22nd of June, Jonathan Fiddle went out of tune.
==================================
Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls , Vermont :
Here lies the body of our Anna, Done to death by a banana.
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low, But the skin of the thing that made her go.
==================================
On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket , Massachusetts :
Under the sod and under the trees, Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there's only the pod.
Pease shelled out and went to God.
==================================
In a cemetery in England :
Remember man, as you walk by, As you are now, so once was I. 
As I am now, so shall you be.Remember this and follow me.

To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:
To follow you I'll not consent ...
Until I know which way you went.


NOW NO DISRESPECT MENAT  JUST A GIGGLE
REGARDS jENN


Moderator Comment: topics merged
Title: Re: A FEW EPITAPHS FOR A LAUGH
Post by: Musicman on Monday 17 September 07 06:10 BST (UK)
 ;D

Perhaps apocryphal – but didn’t a dentist’s tombstone have the words:

. . . filling his last cavity. 
Title: Re: R.I.P. .... but with a smile !
Post by: Paul Caswell on Monday 17 September 07 20:17 BST (UK)
I remember that one! :)

Epitaph to a dentist:

Stranger approach this grave with gravity,
Charles Grey is filling has last cavity.

:)
Title: unusual death notices/epitaphs
Post by: bevbee on Sunday 14 October 07 14:31 BST (UK)
In the Daily Telegraph last week there was a death notice which stated "passed away as he lived; suddenly and with commotion."

I also remember one a few years ago which said "died magnificently, on his horse."

And for anyone who remembers Stanley Unwin, the gravestone for him and his wife who died before him reads "Reunity in the heavenlybode - Deep joy."

I'd love to hear more of the unusual ones - anyone?  :)



Moderator Comment: topics merged
Title: Re: unusual death notices/epitaphs
Post by: jim1 on Sunday 14 October 07 19:12 BST (UK)
I Know WC Field's says"It's better than playing Philadelphia"
Who's is it that says "I told you I was ill"
                                 Jim
Title: Re: unusual death notices/epitaphs
Post by: Paul on Sunday 14 October 07 19:18 BST (UK)
Quote from: jim1 on Sunday 14 October 07 19:12 BST (UK)
I Know WC Field's says"It's better than playing Philadelphia"
Who's is it that says "I told you I was ill"
                                 Jim

It was Spike Milligan. :)
Title: Re: unusual death notices/epitaphs
Post by: 7igerby7he7ail on Tuesday 16 October 07 12:32 BST (UK)
Actually Spike's gravestone reads 'Duirt me leat go raibh me breoite", which is Irish Gaelic for 'I told you I was ill' so as to comply with the diocese rules where he is buried
Title: Re: unusual death notices/epitaphs
Post by: trish251 on Tuesday 16 October 07 13:00 BST (UK)
I recently refound a little book I have had for many years by H L Lee - subtitled An anthology of wit and wisdom Despite having nothing to do with epitaphs I would like to include the following, as I think it describes some of the villages of our ancestors (and my childhood)

... One of those far-away friendly villages where you chat for 5 minutes on the phone after getting  a wrong number.

Back to epitaphs

He ploughed a straight furrow - Yorkshire for a farm labourer

Here lies the mother of children seven
four on earth and three in heaven
the three in heaven preferring rather
to die with mother than live with father -  Birmingham

An upright, downright honest man - Ripon Cathedral

Having read the inscriptions
Upon the tombstones
Wang Peng advised the emperor
to kill all the living
and resurrect the dead -  Paul Eldridge

Trish







Title: Re: unusual death notices/epitaphs
Post by: Paul on Tuesday 16 October 07 17:48 BST (UK)
Quote from: Gensleuth on Tuesday 16 October 07 12:32 BST (UK)
Actually Spike's gravestone reads 'Duirt me leat go raibh me breoite", which is Irish Gaelic for 'I told you I was ill' so as to comply with the diocese rules where he is buried

'Cliste Toin' 8), which is Irish Gaelic for 'Smart Arse' ;D
Title: Re: unusual death notices/epitaphs
Post by: 7igerby7he7ail on Wednesday 17 October 07 20:20 BST (UK)
Gorabhatha guit
Title: Re: unusual death notices/epitaphs
Post by: Tony Payne on Wednesday 17 October 07 21:51 BST (UK)
Beneath this stone lies Murphy
They buried him today
He lived the life of Riley
While Riley was away


So many funny people gone...
Stanley Unwin was one of a kind, truly unique.
As was Spike Milligan - quite insane but he could.
And Dave Allen - I could listen to him for hours...
Title: Re: unusual death notices/epitaphs
Post by: Paul on Wednesday 17 October 07 22:28 BST (UK)
Stanley Unwin. Easier to understand than any politician and spoke a lot more sense.

Paul.
Title: Re: unusual death notices/epitaphs
Post by: suzard on Wednesday 17 October 07 22:52 BST (UK)
"Here lies Ann Mann
Who lived an old maid
And died an old Mann"
1767

Epitaph of the gravedigger of Kingsbridge

"Here I lie at the chapel door
Here I lie because I'm poor
The farther in the more you pay
Here I lie as warm as they"

..and a genealogist's nightmare

"I was somebody
Who is no business of yours"


Title: Re: unusual death notices/epitaphs
Post by: 7igerby7he7ail on Thursday 18 October 07 08:30 BST (UK)

This is not far from where I live


Here lies the body of

Thomas Kemp.

Who lived by wool

and died by hemp.

Bletchley, Bucks, England


and more can be found at

http://www.webpanda.com/ponder/epitaphs.htm




Title: Re: R.I.P. .... but with a smile !
Post by: Tephra on Thursday 18 October 07 09:01 BST (UK)



Just found a suitable epitaph for the ex ................


Here lies a man who while he lived

Was happy as a linnet.

He always lied while on the earth

And now he's lying in it.

Barbara
 

Title: Re: R.I.P. .... but with a smile !
Post by: Willow 4873 on Thursday 18 October 07 10:01 BST (UK)
LMAO!  ;D ;D

Thanx

Willow x
Title: Re: R.I.P. .... but with a smile !
Post by: Gadget on Thursday 18 October 07 10:27 BST (UK)
I found this one in Parton Kirkyard, Kirkcudbrightshire. This might be an ancestor of mine but I've yet to find the missing link 

Samuel Spalding, minister of Parton d. 6th December 1712:

This pious painful pastor is at rest


...........and so on

 ;D ;D ;D


Gadget
Title: Re: R.I.P. .... but with a smile !
Post by: LizzieW on Thursday 18 October 07 13:02 BST (UK)
Suttontrust has transcribed a copy of Hull Advertiser 4 October 1822,

see http://www.rootschat.com/forum/index.php/topic,252347.msg1398118.html#msg1398118

One of the death notices in the paper reads:

The Hand of Death Arrested Her Progress

that's the best I've seen so far.

My husband has one somewhere that he photographed of a gravestone we saw somewhere around Cumbria I think it was.  When he comes in I'll ask him to find it, so I can post that one too.

Liz

ps, Sorry the whole of Suttontrust's topic does not show up in blue, I was trying to shorten it so that the whole screen didn't widen.  If you are interested in her topic, please add the second line under the blue one to the end of the blue line. (*)


(*) Moderator Comment:  No problems there, I've edited it back  :)

Title: Re: R.I.P. .... but with a smile !
Post by: bevbee on Thursday 18 October 07 18:21 BST (UK)
Yesterday's Daily Telegraph carried the obituary for "The Great Omani" an escapologist who has died aged 92 and who, it states, wrote his own epitaph;

They have put the Great Omani in a box,
They're using nails instead of locks,
But at the funeral, do not despair,
There's still a chance Omani won't be there.
ErrorSPAM
REPORT THIS POST AS SPAM (Use 'Report to Moderator'). DO NOT CLICK ON ANY LINKS IN THIS POST. DO NOT REPLY TO THIS PERSON.
][/color]

 ;D

Title: Re: R.I.P. .... but with a smile !
Post by: bevbee on Thursday 18 October 07 19:05 BST (UK)
I found these epitaphs while browsing for unusual graves (morbid, I know!)

Title: Re: R.I.P. .... but with a smile !
Post by: Willow 4873 on Thursday 18 October 07 19:11 BST (UK)
With regards to the second one - what a horrible way to be remembered  :(

Hope I never leave that impression!

Willow x
Title: Re: R.I.P. .... but with a smile !
Post by: Sarndra on Friday 19 October 07 06:24 BST (UK)
Quote from: bevbee on Thursday 18 October 07 19:05 BST (UK)
I found these epitaphs while browsing for unusual graves (morbid, I know!)



LOL very awesome :-)

The second woman must have been a nasty piece of goods!

Sarndra
www.sarndra.com
Title: Re: R.I.P. .... but with a smile !
Post by: bevbee on Monday 22 October 07 19:00 BST (UK)
I spend quite a lot of time on my computer, but I don't think I'd want one on my grave.  ;D


Title: Re: R.I.P. .... but with a smile !
Post by: Willow 4873 on Monday 22 October 07 19:18 BST (UK)
Do you think someone was being funny?

Makes you wonder when they were ever together with two hobbies like that - maybe someone getting a dig in you think?

Willow x
Title: Re: R.I.P. .... but with a smile !
Post by: LizzieW on Monday 22 October 07 19:23 BST (UK)
Elsie hasn't got a date of death so maybe she's still alive.

Liz
Title: Re: R.I.P. .... but with a smile !
Post by: Billy Anderson on Saturday 27 October 07 14:05 BST (UK)
 My favorite epitaph
'I told you I was sick'
Title: Re: R.I.P. .... but with a smile !
Post by: Lydart on Saturday 27 October 07 22:25 BST (UK)
Wasn't that Spike Milligan ?
Title: Re: R.I.P. .... but with a smile !
Post by: Gadget on Saturday 27 October 07 22:26 BST (UK)
Quote from: Lydart on Saturday 27 October 07 22:25 BST (UK)
Wasn't that Spike Milligan ?

Lydart - I think he'd probably like that one as well  :D
Title: Re: R.I.P. .... but with a smile !
Post by: Lydart on Saturday 27 October 07 22:28 BST (UK)
Just found this on Wiki ...

Quote
Milligan died from liver disease, at the age of 83, on 27 February 2002, at his home in Rye, East Sussex. He had once quipped that he wanted his headstone to bear the words "I told you I was ill." He was buried at St Thomas's Church cemetery in Winchelsea, East Sussex, but the Chichester Diocese refused to allow this epitaph. A compromise was reached with the Irish language translation, "Dúirt mé leat go raibh mé breoite", and additionally in English, "Love, light, peace".

Title: Re: R.I.P. .... but with a smile !
Post by: Paul on Saturday 27 October 07 23:46 BST (UK)
Quote from: Lydart on Saturday 27 October 07 22:28 BST (UK)
Just found this on Wiki ...

Quote
Milligan died from liver disease, at the age of 83, on 27 February 2002, at his home in Rye, East Sussex. He had once quipped that he wanted his headstone to bear the words "I told you I was ill." He was buried at St Thomas's Church cemetery in Winchelsea, East Sussex, but the Chichester Diocese refused to allow this epitaph. A compromise was reached with the Irish language translation, "Dúirt mé leat go raibh mé breoite", and additionally in English, "Love, light, peace".



Another 'Cliste Toin' :o

Paul 8)
Title: Re: R.I.P. .... but with a smile !
Post by: Springbok on Sunday 28 October 07 00:51 BST (UK)
I had another query on here about a Church on the Yorkshire Moors near Ravensgill (holidaying there with Bradford friends in the '70's) which had a lot of hilarious epitaphs. 
 I had a cine camera and spent some time recording the graves. Of course "s-d's" law , the tape was never returned from Kodak!!
The only link I have is that The Mouseman ( Robert Thompson of Kilburn)had carved his signature mouse into the new pews.
Wonder if there is anyone who knows the church and can record the inscriptions on graves.?

Spring
Title: Re: R.I.P. .... but with a smile !
Post by: General Dogsbody on Tuesday 27 July 10 18:22 BST (UK)
Rickinghall Inferior, Suffolk


On the headstone of Doris & Frances SAGE who ran the local chippy

Our fish was crisp our chips were brown,
They were the best for miles around.