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General => The Common Room => Topic started by: Annette7 on Friday 19 October 07 21:09 BST (UK)
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Last night I spent at least an hour searching the Scottish census for someone (whom I won't name) who'd posted a message. I was successful - noted the entries and then posted a reply.
Today I see a response - just one word 'Cheers'. Having used up my time, using resources that I subscribe too for a 'Cheers' makes me so mad. One things for sure - I won't help that person again.
I often help people if I can and have always received a suitable thank you which makes it worthwhile. But a 'cheers'! Am I just being oversensitive?
Annette
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No I don't think so, and on the whole I find most people are pleased when you do help but not all, don;t want them on their knees, but just a positive thank you
if someone had posted positive info for me I would be over the moon, :D
Well done you ;D
Jane
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Yikes - I better be careful what I write here. (Only joking).
It's often difficult to tell the tone of somebody's reply in a message and sometimes it can be easy to take offense at something. Some people have great difficulty using computers, or typing, and some have physical handicaps preventing them from writing much at all.
Some people do not reply at all, or do not even think of replying. I help people on RootsChat as an administrator and a lot of the time I don't even get a "cheers" after unraveling problems. It doesn't stop me from helping them again as I tell myself that perhaps this next time they'll thank me, or say "Cheers".
Trystan
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People are casual these days - especially when they'e emailing. I've noticed for some time that a spoken 'Cheers' is used instead of 'Thanks' & I reckon this has seeped through to computer usage. I don't think for a moment that the person you were helping meant to be rude - if they'd been speaking to you I bet you would have had a big grin as well as the 'Cheers'. At least you had an acknowledgement -these days (says the Old Party) that in itself is a mark of gratitude. I don't like it either, but I reckon we're stuck with it!
Maggott
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Annette
As we become more and more communicators by email and text messaging unfortunately lengthy prose disappears. Something I hate very much but unfortunately I think we have to live with it. I try to use smileys to emphasize a feeling such as Thankyou :), somehow it makes me feel I'm adding more to my point.
This is a problem my boss and I have recently had to deal with. I kept getting what I thought were terse, almost to the point of rude emails from her. She was just thinking on the hoof of jobs she wanted me to do and whizzing her thoughts off to me. I have learnt not to take it too personally!!
Kerry
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Thank you all for your comments.
I guess I need a thicker skin after all.
Annette
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Hi Annette
It's happened to me quite a lot with not even a thank you or Cheers, as Trystan says.
I, like you, do feel miffed (especially when I've used SP units) and vow not to help that person again but I soon forget who I've vowed not to help so I just help anyway :D
You did get a kiss :)
Gadget
Added - modified because what I said seemed to mean something else. It's the lack of thanks (or cheers) that I was referring to ::)
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Hi Annette. Just today for the very first time i thanked Toni with a "cheers" It was not meant to offend and hope it wasn't taken that way. But as i have said before that i speak as i hear and find
Lynn H.
P.S. Appologies to all who i offended.
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Hi Annette,
As well as the "cheers", you got the satisfaction of a successful search. That is something thatsomeone (whom I won't name)
will not get.
To me that is "time well spent".
take care
g a r
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I have to admit that sometimes after getting information from fellow rootschatters, I get carried away and forget to say thank you.
Rude I know, but I do try to remember...
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I go with Trystans philanthropic approach. If you work from the premise that:-
Never expect people to appreciate what you have done.
But ALWAYS appreciate the work of others!
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I think we have had a number of discussions on this issue. Often folks will not know how long it takes to find something - I have sometimes spent 20 minutes looking for census information - only to discover Tati had found the same information in less than 5. I do like to get a reply (Everyone likes thanks for their efforts in all spheres of life) - but I tend to think any thanks is good.
Sometimes the best thankyou is when someone else spends lots of time helping you :) :) which is the big plus of roots chat - that usually happens ;D
Trish
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Hi Annette
I can fully understand where your coming from, but would also like to add, when I first started with RootsChat and in the chat room, people have looked up census information for me and other bmd's.....Although I certainly appreciate all efforts from people to help me, I personally didn't realize until I myself had access to census information and have looked up for others, just how much time it can take. I don't think people realize the time involved looking through name variants,if necessary and at times searching with the littlest amount of information. I myself ( in the beginning ) may have been guilty of believing you just put the names in and 'Hey Presto' it appears.
Hope this helps you to see that it's not that your not appreciated, we can just be naive. :)
Regards
lil growler
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Tx guys. I enjoyed reading this thread 8)
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This is a difficult one without giving too much away! :-\
As Trystan said sometimes people find it hard to express themselves - I know for a fact that one person who might only express their gratitude in single words .. gave an awful lot of help to a friend of mine by email. Simply because the quantity of information was so great it would have been difficult to fit it all on here! :)
I'm quite happy just to recieve an acknowledgement, any acknowledgement! ::) So if anyone out there feels guilty .. .. all 'ta's' will be gratefully recieved while there's an amnesty on - because I'll be chasing you shortly! :D
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Hi Annette
This is an interesting one.
Sometimes I am guilty of saying 'Cheers' but where I'm from it means 'Thank you' as well as it's more traditional meaning.
But to not say thanks at all (however it is expressed) is very naughty!
Ann
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An interesting question and interesting replies.
I think it's fair to assume that "Cheers" does mean "Thanks". So it can sometimes be difficult to think of something more to say, without appearing to be an over-effusive, slightly bonkers genealogy nerd. It's nice to receive an acknowledgment, however brief it might be.
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I always try to say thank you as soon as I can - I'm relatively new to family tree-ing and to RootsChat, and I'm amazed at the kindness and dedication of many of the members of this site - I feel bad because, being relatively new I can't help out as much as I'd like to and so many folks have done a lot of searching for me.
To my mind, it costs nothing to say 'thank you for your time' to someone if they've done something for you.
I reckon I must be a bit touchy too - cos if someone just typed me a one word reply of 'cheers' I'd be a bit miffed off, lol ;). But yep,better they said 'cheers' than no reply at all...
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hi
i to am a relatively newbie
but the time and patience
wonderful people have given
me i really cannot thank enough
although i suppose it also depends
where you live how you thank
someone
berni
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I go with Trystans philanthropic approach. If you work from the premise that:-
Never expect people to appreciate what you have done.
But ALWAYS appreciate the work of others!
So so true. It really wrankles me when i generously give out any information to anyone and later see specific information/research noted as the recipients own work without attribution to the source i.e. me. In this hobby you learn to let that go but it can have a detrimental affect as to how much information you send out to others in the future.
Also, i try to get contacts information FIRST before i give out what i have as i find it is often not reciprocated when promised.
Cheers
Sarndra
www.sarndra.com
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Personally I don't mind a one word acknowledgment ...much better than none at all.
Mind, I see where you're coming from Annette. It's a real pleasure when someone spares a few words to let you know how you've helped and maybe shares a bit of their history with you. I get just as excited over other people's families as I do my own!
It opens up a conversation and connects you with other people who share your interests. Whereas a more blunt reply can make you feel like nothing more than an unpaid looker-upper. Not sure if I've explained myself clearly but hey, it's getting late here!
Heather
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hi
today i recieved a reply to my post regarding
my grandparents in ireland. the lady was showing it to
her mum who remembered them and gave me lots of
info.
im sure how grateful i am cannot be shown in the
words thank you
berni x
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..... an over-effusive, slightly bonkers genealogy nerd. ...
My husband tells folks I am a "family history enthusiast" I hope he doesn't find this description as I am sure he would consider it more suitable :o :o
Trish
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Heather
You've hit the nail on the head - that's exactly what I think and feel. Guess you and I are singing from the same hymn-sheet (not that I can sing but you know what I mean).
Annette
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hi again
I should add that Cheers Mate is common for our parts :) amongst friends, however its not something that I would say to someone who is say about 60 yrs old, it would be a thank you.
lil
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hi again
I should add that Cheers Mate is common for our parts :) amongst friends, however its not something that I would say to someone who is say about 60 yrs old, it would be a thank you.
lil
Often very tricky to know how old someone is on the net. I don't look at the profile of everyone I post with & many do not have an age in their profile anyway.
I would suggest if you don't like how someone responds - don't reply to them again - works for me. Otherwise carry on regardless - which works for me sometimes too :)
I did once send a pm to someone & suggest the odd thank you may get them more information - he/she didn't respond to that suggestion either, nor to the other 150 or so lookups that had been provided - so I gave up 8) as one does.
Trish
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So far so good, everyone thats replied to any help I've given has been thankful ( whatever term they use ) myself included when others help me. What I do understand is others may not like the terms that are used and it's important we understand that and where they are coming from, as heather summed up beautifully, expressing how annette feels. :)
Yeah, knew as soon as I said it someone would catch me out on the net reference and not being able to determine ones age, but was speaking really for where I live and that even I say such terminology which is classed as a norm here ( a friendly thanks ), but should have added what you had pointed out :)
And it's to bad the person didn't take your advice trish, I'd be inclined to give up too.
lil
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I have been guilty[what me never] of searching for ages then putting my TWOPENNYWORTH in without checking updates.
Please forgive me for i know not what i do.
I try to say thanks even to the people that quite pointedly let me know I HAVE BOO BOOED.
SYLVIA
THANKS GUDON-YA 'BONZA' HEY UP ME DUCK' GU'DAY'
TA.
SPELL CHECK DID NOT HELP MY SPELLING
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SPELL CHECK DID NOT HELP MY SPELLING
There is a good reason for that, it only speaks English ;D ;D.
I have been reading through this topic with interest,the reference to people who don't realize what we have to do, to find the information they want made me smile.Because some time ago i spent a long time looking on the internet for something.Only because the person was fairly new,I wrote the information down on my pad ready to post later. That was after transcribing my own scribble ;D On the same day i received a reply on the lines of "have you found anything yet" ;D I explained what i had to do to help them the reponce to that was-on the lines of, "oh i didn't know you had to look it up" ;D I was very tempted to ask if they thought i got my info via the a wedgie? Board to contact the ancestor in question::) ;D ;D
Celia
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LOL ;D Celia
I guess some people forget there are many different types of sources that we have some access to, not just the internet!!
Kerry ;)
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Another one who thinks Heather has it:
Personally I don't mind a one word acknowledgment ...much better than none at all.
perhaps it depends how many of the latter you get - after a run of nothing a one word thanks is very welcome.
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to add my penny worth.... i personnally am thrilled if i get progress from people who are far more experienced than i am ....
what ever happened to good old fasioned THANK YOU VERY MUCH ?
but i know i'm very nearly a grumpy old woman ;D
Debz
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As a census looker upper, I dont think they're being rude just replying with a one word thanks/cheers, its just deflating when you've spent so long looking for certain families. Its nice to get a bit of feedback, so when I post questions myself, I always try to post a sentence or two with my "thankyou" to let the looker upper know how much they've helped/give a bit of background on the family concerned. Doesn't take long but lets people know they're really appreciated. :)
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I agree with everyone - a thank you makes you efforts worthwhile and off you go happy to help the next person
I think people forget that we have to actually go and research the info - we're just so blooming good and quick at it!
Also I have done research and posted it only to have no reply at all which is even more frustrating! Have they died? did it solve the question? the suspense is killing me!
BTW Thanx to everyone whos helped me in the past - hope I do my bit now to help others and pass the spirit of Rootschat on
Willow x
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Willow
I always get that horrible feeling when I don't get an answer that they knew that bit already, but didn't say it in the original message and don't know how to fib a thank you ::) ::) ::)
Kerry ;D
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Lol know what you mean Kerry - I always think 'damn have I sent them on a wild goose chase with some misinformation and they dont know how to tell me or did they already know the info and are to polite to say it was a total waste of time?'
Willow x
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I have to say 'cheers' is not 'thankyou' or even 'thanks' which is the same number of letters.
'Cheers' is a very casual, offhand way of responding to something very casual and offhand. It may well denote some sort of thanks in an offhand and casual situation, but it's not appropriate when someone has taken time and effort to help you. It's a very flippant response, and I too would be annoyed by it in similar circumstances.
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Hi Annette. Just today for the very first time i thanked Toni with a "cheers" It was not meant to offend and hope it wasn't taken that way. But as i have said before that i speak as i hear and find
Lynn H.
P.S. Appologies to all who i offended.
no it didn't offend! i use cheers quite alot myself sometimes there is no need for other words and it is a way albeit relaxed/ laid back of expressing thanks.
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I have to say 'cheers' is not 'thankyou' or even 'thanks' which is the same number of letters.
'Cheers' is a very casual, offhand way of responding to something very casual and offhand. It may well denote some sort of thanks in an offhand and casual situation, but it's not appropriate when someone has taken time and effort to help you. It's a very flippant response, and I too would be annoyed by it in similar circumstances.
I agree. Actually I think it doesn't matter whether it's a single word "cheers" or a single word "thanks" - while it might not be meant as offhand or flippant, it's capable of coming across as such. As others have said, it doesn't communicate whether the information has been helpful or not, or whether it was already known. People on here spend hours of their time helping others out of the goodness of their hearts, and it shouldn't be too much trouble for the recipient to string a few words together "Thanks, that's really useful" or "Thankyou, that's just what I was looking for".
Anna :)
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Could I just addd that many people send PMs of thanks. The threads look as if they haven't thanked anyone but they definitely have :)
Gadget
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This is supposedly a Barry McGuigan quote ..
"So I'm saying thank you, thank you, thank you very, very much Mr Eastwood."
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avm228
I agree. Actually I think it doesn't matter whether it's a single word "cheers" or a single word "thanks" - while it might not be meant as offhand or flippant, it's capable of coming across as such.
Yes it does if you are English ;D ;D,i have never had flippent replies yet. I actually get embarrassed at times, people are so gratefull they have to thank me not once but 2/3 times.
I do like it though ;D ;D
Celia
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Loads of people don't say "Thank you" when a door is held open for them or say "Hello" when you say "Hello" when you see them in the street. I feel it's a national decline in good manners.
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I agree Christopher and let's not let Rootschat be part of that national decline! It annoys me intensely :( as it only takes a second to say thank you or cheers or whatever! :)
Kerry
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Hello All,
The last time I was in England I kept hearing 'cheers' in all kinds of situations. It took me a while (I'm a bit slow) to realise that it could mean; hello, thanks, goodbye, you're welcome ...
I always thought you said 'cheers' as a toast. I can imagine people who have learned English as a foreign language and are visiting England for the first time, hear someone say to them 'cheers love' and look round for a glass.
Another word that seems to be 'in' but annoys me is 'Hya!' instead of a simple Hi!
Is it just a fashion or is the English language becoming poorer?
If I was younger I'd finish this with cheers all! But, it's too late for me, I have to say thank you for taking the time to read this .
Regards to all.
French
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I never just say Thank you I always type out a sentence or two.Mum always says I talk too much...but well thats just me.
However as someone who goes to the records office sometimes I get a little *&%^$ annoyed when I do not even get a reply to my trawl through the PR's for them...or a Well why can't you find them ...like I am some kind of Paul Daniels!
Like Christopher I think the general standard of manners has hit an all time low. My 2 little ones 3 & 7 both know please & thank you . My eldest will hold open doors without me prompting him as well.
Only last week he held the door open for a gentleman (using that term loosely here) the man walked through ...no Thank you no Nothing. Matthew being Matthew took exception to this and in a loud voice said "Dont think I will bother next time". To which the man turn round and told him not to be so cheeky. To which in stepped mum to "have a word" and tell this "gentleman" exactly how I rated him on the scale of Pond life to human. Needless to say Matthew received an apology and "gentleman" sent on his way with a flea in his ear.
Ok my rant over need more caffine ;D
Must say Roots chat still the best & friendliest site to be on ;)
Tazzie
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I've just notice a few old threads on one of the county boards where the person has asked a question, had help and then the person has either written COMPLETED and locked the thread or just locked the thread. No thanks for any of the hard works at all.
And I know from the person(s) doing the look ups that no private thanks were given.
Now that is extremely rude in my book :(
Gadget
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Mine too, even a Cheers would be preferable!
I have to say though, if I ever thank somebody by PM, I always add the same message to the thread anyway, I think it just closes it down and completes it. Perhaps it was the way I was brought up!
Kerry ;D
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I must admit that, on occasion, I have even responded to an effusive "Thank You" with a "Your Welcome" which opens up a whole new can of worms.
When and where is it polite to stop the backwards and forwards of thanking and acknowledgemnts of thanks...!?!
Thanks
Glen
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Glen
I get where you are coming from, I often give a Your welcome and then hope they don't come back again! But I imagine that should be sufficient.
It's a bit like a game I play with my 8 year old niece, I say I'm happy today, she says I'm glad, I say I'm glad your'e glad, she says, I'm glad you're glad that I'm glad.............
Kerry ::) ::)
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Nice one Tazzie ;D ;D
Only last week he held the door open for a gentleman (using that term loosely here) the man walked through ...no Thank you no Nothing. Matthew being Matthew took exception to this and in a loud voice said "Dont think I will bother next time". To which the man turn round and told him not to be so cheeky. To which in stepped mum to "have a word" and tell this "gentleman" exactly how I rated him on the scale of Pond life to human. Needless to say Matthew received an apology and "gentleman" sent on his way with a flea in his ear.
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Well I am a virgo.....demands respect has fair judgement...but watch out has mood swings and can be destructive :o :o moi surely not!
Tazzie
oh yes perfectionist......hubby says big yes to that one.
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If I do a lookup for someone and I do not receive any recognition for my labours then I will NOT bother with that particular person again.
Jayson
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If I do a lookup for someone and I do not receive any recognition for my laboures then I will NOT bother with that particular person again.
Jayson
Must run in the family, cousin Jayson :D
But I relent - the other genes obviously kicking in there ;D
Gadget
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It would seem then Gadget that I've obviously inherited too greater a quantity of the bad genes. ;D Jayson
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Some people make me sick >:(
For example, about 12 months ago I contacted a woman who happened to be a member of the Sussex Family History Group (I won't name her but she knows who she is). We had a shared ancestor, so after a brief exchange of emails I sent her an entire genealogical report for my side of the family from the ancestor down to myself. I never heard a word back from her >:( I wrote a couple of times and got no response, and now I see she's put her tree on GenesReunited. It taught me a lesson never to divulge everything at once!
Another time I wrote an email to someone with a brief summary of how we shared an ancestor and all I got back, and I quote, was "How do you know this? ? ? ? ? ? ?"
::)
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Evidently sharks have legs too, rich?! ;D Jayson
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Evidently sharks have legs too, rich?! ;D Jayson
Her name was Wyn. I'll say no more. :P
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Hi, I just want to add my tuppence worth, I would like to say a very BIG thank you to all of you who take time to answer other people's requests, and know this, you are all very much appreciated (if not by all) by the majority. you do a splendid job and make this site what it is.. Three Cheers, Dolly...
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Boutcha from Norn Iron and Céad Mile Fáilte from Ireland,
This green hat that I wore for a while on St Patrick's Day has gone to my head 8)
Another time I wrote an email to someone with a brief summary of how we shared an ancestor and all I got back, and I quote, was "How do you know this? ? ? ? ? ? ?"
::)
Rich, did you send a five word reply ... Research and friends at RootsChat ???
Cheers, Go raibh maith agaibh, Thank you, Tusen takk ... and many more expressions of thanks are much the same. It's the thought that counts no matter how much is said along with the acknowledgement of appeciation that you have done your best to give some assistance.
Be seen ya and Slan,
Christopher
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obvs a bit more than cheers would be preferable but some ppl dont express themselves clearly cant find the words to say and dont hv the time. (maybe they were having a bad day)
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Last night I spent at least an hour searching the Scottish census for someone (whom I won't name) who'd posted a message. I was successful - noted the entries and then posted a reply.
Today I see a response - just one word 'Cheers'. Having used up my time, using resources that I subscribe too for a 'Cheers' makes me so mad. One things for sure - I won't help that person again.
I often help people if I can and have always received a suitable thank you which makes it worthwhile. But a 'cheers'! Am I just being oversensitive?
Annette
Annette,
I've been thinking ... maybe the people who say "Cheers" enjoy a drink.
They're saying "Cheers" now and whenever they have the pleasure of meeting you they'll buy you a drink for being so helpful. Ah well ... live in hope.
Christopher
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I've been thinking ... maybe the people who say "Cheers" enjoy a drink.
They're saying "Cheers" now and whenever they have the pleasure of meeting you they'll buy you a drink for being so helpful. Ah well ... live in hope.
Christopher
Lol like it!
Willow x
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This topic certainly made me think! Had I properly thanked folk who helped me on RC?
And recently I thanked someone with a quick "cheers" - but I did thank them properly with a PM.
Then, on the other hand, a psychiatrist friend recently pointed out to me that I had been over effusive with my thanks on one topic - seems to do so could be construed as a "control" thingy.
So there ye go - as the Americans would say .........."go figure"! ;D
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Psychiatrists commenting on our behaviour on RC!! Good grief, as psychiatrist Lucy would say on Peanuts!
Post as you wish on RC! Help as you wish on RC. Your choice!!
But never, ever expect thanks for anything you post on RC (or anywhere else) - it was your choice to post. Of course it's lovely when people do post thanks. But silly to complain if they don't. You didn't have to respond. Please do forget about it and please let go :) And don't get self-righteous.
Yes, I notice those who take things for granted and don't post thanks - and I tend to ignore their future requests. My choice!!
Regards,
JAP
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I need to revisit my replies to be sure but I think (and hope) that it would always be more than a 'one worder'.
In these days of text messages and abbreviated emails it seems to be the norm to keep things short.
However, it is not appropriate when someone we don't know spends time searching for us to say "cheers" or "thanks".
It takes no effort for an intelligent person to turn the response into an appreciative sentence.
And as for getting no response at all.... >:(
Dave
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I think you all deserve a jolly good pat on the back for all the help you're prepared to give and the lengths you go to in the search. I have read hundreds of threads before and since I have joined and have gleaned so much useful information from other people's requests. Sometimes I think I am going round in circles (ever decreasing?) visiting any and everything and see the same members often being ever helpful and enjoying being involved. I see friendship, commitment and addiction etc... mostly :) :) :)
However I know what it likes to feel invisible...somedays I can walk to work and greet and smile and even speak and be totally snubbed but it is usually the opposite which is what you expect. It is always nice to be recognised though, especially for your efforts. I'm sure most people are extremely grateful for the help you all give, I most certainly am so thankyou and cheers :)
I like Christopher's take on the cheers and shouting a drink for being helpful 8)
Mare
quietly observing ;)
quietly accumulating :)
quietly sensitive too sometimes :(
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Just caught this thread, and would like to say that any acknowlegement is worth having, different people have different ways of expressing thanks.
As JAP says it's our choice to do lookups and I enjoy the searching, but a 'no reply' for me is more frustrating than annoying, it's always nice to know that the hours you spend (sometimes) were useful and that you've helped put someone on the right track.
Barbara :)