RootsChat.Com
General => The Common Room => The Lighter Side => Topic started by: jakky on Friday 25 May 07 10:15 BST (UK)
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Hi,
Speaking to my elder sister about our line, she said 'I don't want to know about that stuff'
I tried to tell her it was an interesting line, and was she not interested in where she originated from and what our ancester did,
no, an adamant no, she really does not want to know,
It makes me feel sad and I don't know why, or worse still she knows some dark secret that is obviously going to the grave with her,
I suppose it takes all sorts,
Jakky
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It seems there a lot of people like that, and I think that it's up to them, we should respect their feelings on the subject. Sometimes older relatives feel that it's an invasion of privacy maybe, or they really just are not interested - perhaps in the same way that some hobbies don't interest me !!
Sometimes we all find out things we'd rather not have known, too. I have exploded a couple of family myths, to the great disappointment of some family members.
Just because we Rootschatters all find family history fascinating ............lots of yawns from some people :D
Barbara
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Hi Jakky
Long time no speak. :-*
I too, have relatives who just do not want to know, which I find strange and in someways very frustrating when they can't or won't remember details.
However I do agree with Barbara that we should respect their feelings.
(Ooops nearly fell off the fence there) ::)
I was in a world of my own the other day (life is so good there) ;D
thinking about why I do my family history and decided that for me it is the thrill of finding someone after hours/ days/months etc of searching. Also thinking outside the box when presented with a brick wall and getting a result !!
Fondest Regards
Quiller
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I was in a world of my own the other day (life is so good there) ;D
thinking about why I do my family history and decided that for me it is the thrill of finding someone after hours/ days/months etc of searching. Also thinking outside the box when presented with a brick wall and getting a result !!
I love that world! And I do agree about that thrill :D
Barbara
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Hi,
Yep! loads of them! Although there are a few who are interested in my findings, but not interested enough to get involved.
My other half and my kids just shake their heads as if to say 'she's lost the plot' LOL!!! ???
Maybe I have, but I enjoy doing it.
Best Wishes,
Cheryl ;D
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My mum shares my interest, my Oh tries his best, but his eyes glaze over and the boys are too busy for the dead, one day I hope they may have an interest.
Mind you my OH and boys play tennis, now that to me is eye glazing time, I don't stop them, I pay for it, support them but do not enjoy it all ;D ;D
Each to his/her own, and as long as you enjoy your hobby thats all that matters
Jane
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Whenever my OH starts boring me with the workings of the internal combustion engine I start talking about my family history so he knows what's it's like to be bored to death by a subject. We have now agreed that it's "each to their own" :)
Although he was watching something about horses on TV the other day and said "didn't you say that members of my family used work with horses?" I said they did, and that in his tree I'd found grooms, a few who worked as hauliers underground working with the pit ponies and that also his great uncle had worked with horses in WW1 where he'd looked after those used to pull cannon etc. So maybe he isn't a total lost cause and does listen to a few things I tell him :)
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Hi Jakky
I was in a world of my own the other day (life is so good there) ;D
thinking about why I do my family history and decided that for me it is the thrill of finding someone after hours/ days/months etc of searching. Also thinking outside the box when presented with a brick wall and getting a result !!
I couldn't have put it better myself Quiller, I feel exactly the same way.
I have only one living rellie up wards in age that I know...I just pass on all copy certificates and keep her informed of what I have found.
But she doesn't get the thrill of finding them after months of searching like I do like I do :)
I do get the feeling anything not nice would be unacceptable to her though...me I love them warts and all ;D
Ambers :)
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I have loads of them, but one in particular really angered me, a first cousin who I am very close with. I have found loads on a couple of the branches that we share and received last fall 3 original pictures of our gg grandparents and 11 of their children. In the family pic is our great-grandmother, who she knew very well and loved to death. We can't figure out which one she is in the pic though.
Anyway, I brought a bunch of stuff to share when I went to visit her in February. We were all sitting around the table (her and her husband, another cousin and wife, my aunt and my aunt's brother and sil). I pull out my folder and she says very loudly, "Oh no. I told you I am not interested and I don't want to know!" The conversation had been that she isn't interested in how I got there, but is interested in what I find. I was so embarrassed and sad after that. I put it all away. Her sister came over the next day and I showed her and she had fun looking at the pictures and the tree and updating some dates for their branch. I tried to keep it light, teasing my other cousin about not telling her anything, but I was really hurt that she felt the need to humilate me like that.
Kath
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Oh Kath,
I really feel for you but it was a pity that she didn't consider the others around the table might have been interested.
Possibly she is a little jealous of your talent with the PC (can she use one), and herself not being in the limelight.
Even before I was into this fantastic hobby?. had anyone shown me pictures of past rellie's I would have been interested.
I have only just seen pictures of my grandmother and ggrandmother and three of her children but am not sure which of the three ladies she is :-\ I quickly passed them on to my only living rellie (mum's sister) but there wasn't the happiness I expected. It suprised me as she was six months old when her mum died, and had never seen her grandmother....but as she said she had lived without family knowledge for years ??? My mum would have been over the moon at what I have found...some of it is really interesting and she would have been so proud to boot.
So you keep happily digging .....all your Friends on here will be happy to hear of your finds.
I think by this cousins attitude there is more to it than not being interested.
Big hugs ...Ambers :P
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Sorry to hear that Kath,
Keep up your own good work and enjoy it, and it is a good feeling when you share that information with a willing listener, but it doesn't always happen, there'll always be the ones who aren't interested.
You get used to seeing that glazed look.......... ::)
Barbara
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Thanks Barbara and Ambers. I do get used to the glazed look, it was the attack that shocked and saddened me. Her father would have loved all this stuff, so I was a bit surprised, but I do have a large family and a couple who are actually interested. I hold on to that. :)
Kath
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My Mum certainly "doesn't want to know" :( I can't even discuss her family history without her grimacing. I'm not sure what she thinks I'm going to discover, but I think the main reason behind her negativity is the fact that her father was an alcoholic so when she was growing up with her 9 siblings I should imagine life was dreadful.
I'm not concentrating on my grandad, and am more interested in the generations further back, but I still can't get her to show any interest at all. I have carried on with my maternal family tree but have decided not to tell Mum anything :'(
There is, however, some good news...........my Dad loves to see what I've discovered about his lot!! Whenever he calls round he always says "Show me the latest additions to my tree"!!!!!!!!!! ;D
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In our hall we have a photo of a group of adults with a young girl in front of them. People seeing it for the first time think that it's my daughter; except that it was actually taken outside Buckingham Palace during WW2 when my F-I-L received his Distinguished Service medal from GeorgeVI ! So who was the girl?
All we know is that she was the natural daughter of (possibly) F-I-L or more likely, one of his siblings, and she was adopted by a distant connection. Discreet enquiries have got us nowhere. But my daughter was the image of that girl in the photo!
My F-I-L's oldest sister knew who this girl was, but she would never ever say, and took the secret to her grave.
I think sometimes people are fearful of what you might discover. Once these secrets are uncovered, it shakes the foundations of people's security
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I think sometimes people are fearful of what you might discover. Once these secrets are uncovered, it shakes the foundations of people's security
I would definitely agree with that. One of my uncles used to be very interested in genealogy, in the 60s, but then in the 90s a family secret regarding his father and an illegitimate child surfaced (still all hush hush) and all talk of genealogy ended. I think my mom is indifferent because she never really had a relationship with her dad. It's probably hard to open up about it and show interest when she never had much from him during her life. And I have a SIL who is very nasty every time I bring the subject up (my brother is one of the few extrememely interested) she is very negative. She was adopted and I think it is hard for her.
Kath
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Quote from: KathMc
"She was adopted and I think it is hard for her."
I find that very sad, I'm adopted and the "official" family historian for my adopted family (possibly because no one else has the time ;) )
The degree of interest varies but my cousin (eldest relative) is very keen to see what my latest information/scandle is.
Tim
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Some people do seem to have a strong anti-reaction.
I think its either an issue with death or that they believe more strongly than you do in heredity.
eg id I have murdereres or something as ancestors it means I myself am somehow tainted.
I'm not a 'people' person myself so I'm not as intersted in relatives er se but I try to describe it to people as a 'puzzle' to be solved which is different in that it was created by chance rather than an author.
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Just reading this post I think it's such a shame rellies get nasty or show disdain because there's nothing they can do to change the past and whether they love it or hate it it's always gonna be there. I gave some family details to the oldest lady left in my family (76) and she thought it was wonderful. Mind you, I haven't found any skeletons yet! The thing is not to let them get to you, it's your hobby and you can enjoy it without them.
Mrs Doc
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Yep,
My aunt and cousins who live in the US dont want to know anything. :( I find it really strange because we are such a small family. ::)
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Some of my family are slightly interested, until I start telling them what I've found, by last night when my 12 year old grandson came over, he had me searching on the computer for ancestors and was really interested, in fact we were up until the early hours - so at least there's one person I can pass everything on to.
Liz
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Hi there,
I spent years looking ... without any interest whatsoever from my sisters. However, when I turned up some (living) rellies, they both jumped in & arranged a meet-up; which I wasn't invited to:-(
Romilly.
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I have one person (1st cousin) who conspired with other relatives to conceal details about my paternal grandparents.
I've managed to find out quite a lot, but he got very shirty when I tried to ask about people and places of which he clearly has some understanding.
It's not as if they were axe-murderers or anything embarrassing - I don't know why he won't tell me what he knows or at least confirm what I've found and proved through records. ???
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As a young boy i spent every summer holiday with my grandparents in Dishforth, Yorkshire and my grandmother would always tell me and my twin brother stories about relatives and family life, but we were always interested in other things (like the local RAF base and scrumping apples at the farm opposite their cottage). :-[
As she neared the twilight of her life and i became interested in family history she seemed unable or determined to tell me as little as possible. :-X
My mother was with her during her last moments and her last words were "you'll not catch me now" which i've always taken as i'll not be able to find out about her past.
I've since found out that her mother was not married and she was adopted and brought up by her real mother's sister and husband so i've had to admit defeat as far as her real father's line is concerned! :(
I think it's mostly that things that we now take as usual in family life held much more of a stigma to our forebears and was definately something that was not for discussion.
Tony
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That's sad Tony, -
It's a shame that these things were such a stigma in days gone by...:-(
I guess that you'd need to take a DNA test to find out more about your background!!
Romilly.
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Yes it is sad Romilly and it's also a shame that we didn't listen more to our grandparents when we were younger!
At least the next generation will have the benefit of fanatic's like us who'll have done all the hard work for them!
Tony
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I didn't realise that when I was a child, my dad never spoke about his grandparents, even though my mum did. Now, of course, I can't find anything out about his grandfather, apart from the fact that he got together with his grandmother. Still can't find a marriage and all my aunt, the only surviving granddaughter will say is that they didn't talk about things like that then!
Liz
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It is sad. My mother is not really interested, and I felt no-one wanted me to ask questions. I just started this in 2001 when the 1901 census went online, but there was such a negative reaction that I did not pursue it. Then (in 2001) my Father was diagnosed with cancer and I felt that they would think that I was asking questions because I thought he was going to die. And then he did.
Since then my Mother has been a little more interested, but my Aunt (who knows the most and is quite ill) said that I should not look into it as there were people who had been "naughty girls".
Now I have just found that my GG Grandmother was syphilitic, at least she was 10 years after she had my great grandmother. Which is something I feel I cannot even tell my mother. She is not bothered about out-of-wedlock stuff, nor ggg grandfather being in the nick in the 1851 for stealing. But I feel that this is a step too far. Personally I just find it sad but fascinating that this set of forebears were right at the bottom of the heap. And actually a great tribute to my grandmother and mother that we have all progressed so far.
But now I am not sure whether my Aunt is worried about this (she was closest to my grandmother). I think not as my great grandmother died when my grandmother was only 12. I think no-one knew about what I have found out.
But it does bring into focus how we do need to respect privacy and the sensibilities of our relatives.
Life is not all a bowl of cherries.
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I agree, pj. what we must remember is that the older rellies who are still with us were the people who went through the 'disgrace and shame' at the time and in some cases passed it on. To us it's just a very interesting piece of the past but they still have the scars of having to live through it.