RootsChat.Com
General => The Common Room => Topic started by: Nick Carver on Wednesday 25 October 06 22:38 BST (UK)
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... when you get a message out of the blue through Genes Reunited from somebody who clearly is linked to somebody in your tree, you give them access to your tree and send a reply suggesting you communicate by e-mail to share goodies ... and then you never hear from them again! How annoying is that? It's now happened to me at least four times this year, At least I know there are people out there researching branches of my family, but I don't know anything about the modern branches of these families.
Perhaps the good news is that I need not worry about following up these lines because SURELY they will make contact again? If only.
Seething quietly but coming off the boil.
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I got the distinct impression that a substantial core of people on GR are not there to SHARE information, only to HARVEST it from other researchers - I suspect some of them have never done any research of their own and are trying to do their family history the quick and cheap way - by stealing other people's research!
Regards, Bill
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Hi Nick
Sorry to hear of your frustration and woes >:(
Still, if it's any consolation ..... you've still got us ;D
Biker
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Call me mean if you like but I never give anyone access to my tree unless we've had several communications, and even then it's a case of you show me yours first! But then I have a naturally suspicious nature! 8)
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If some one contacts you get them to alow access to there tree first before you alow access to yours.
Jim
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Sorry to hear that, Nick. (Quickly scanning your list of names to make sure none of mine match.......phew! No, not to blame!! ;D)
It is annoying, though, just when you get all excited about finding a contact, then, nothing..... Must admit, most of my contacts through Genes have been very distant, second marriages or in-laws etc, so don't matter so much. And often, when I'm given access to others' trees, I've usually got to a similar point or further back.
I always make a point of replying to contacts, even if it's just a "Sorry, not got much about this line as it's not one of my direct ones," and passing on what little I might have, or other links, or whatever.
I've only once not replied to a Genes contact. I was once contacted by a lady and shared everything I had. A couple of weeks later a man contacted me with loads of my rellies. When I checked it was just a straight rip off of the previous lady's tree, right down to incorrect spellings and minor inconsistencies. Avoided him like the plague and never heard another thing.
Hope you've had chance to calm down and take it with a pinch of salt, that GREAT contact is just around the corner. :)
Sally
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Hi Nick
I can well and truly identify with you this same thing has happened to me countless time I have now only put my direct lines on GR, and rarely give out any information unless they are willing to share there's with me. To be honest I've have more correspondence with people who are not related to me on GR and found them more helpful than the ones who are related. More than any thing it is frustrating when you know people are related, you've shared emails and you give them what you've found but in return they give very little and then all communication stops ..... and to make it worse all my direct lines emigrated so those bonds have now almost been lost for ever. In my case it does seem that many people on GR only want to bleed you for your information.
jericho
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Sorry to hear that Nick and yes I can identify with you also. I wait until after a few communications to give access to my tree, check them out first. But also I don't have my full tree on GR anymore, with the new system it wouldn't work anyway. So I give my web address out and if it becomes a really good contact I send the appropriate bit of a gedcom.
I have even had emails from people on GR requesting access to my tree without a email sent. I'm afraid I just ignore these. If they can't be bothered to talk to me they ain't gonna see my tree!!!
Kerry
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I don't think it's just GR. I've contacted a couple of people here on Rootschat through the SIT and have had no replies.
I have also been contacted by a couple of people researching the same names as me but in different parts of the country - it only takes a minute to send a polite message telling them no known connection.
Does it just come down to rudeness? Sometimes I wonder if correspondence gets lost out there in cyberspace and messages are never received. Like a letter that gets lost in the post ....
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Hi
I've already voiced my anger at a GR contact who had copied loads of my tree and circulated it - apparently to anyone who asked her.
I learnt the hard way. People who genuinely seemed to be related to me would ask for access to my tree, which I'd happily give. At the time I had my entire (very large) tree online. I assumed they would just check out the part of the tree relevant to their researches. It hadn't occurred to me that some people were copying entire trees. Sometimes I'd give my email address, and send them extra details, such as copies of wills etc. Then I'd ask for access to their trees - only to find about a dozen names, none of which were directly related to me. And then, like Nick, I'd never hear from them again.
I've removed my tree now, and when I get these 'give me access' messages I explain I'll be happy to help with specific enquiries if they let me know their connection to the person. I can always generate a report from my offline software - this is more hassle for me but I'm always happy to share info with genuine researchers.
It's amazing how many of these people never reply again. I've just found part of my tree on an internet site, complete with my living husband's details. I have no idea how it got there (I know it's mine because of a particular name I'd used).
Too late for me but I hope all these messages on Roots will put others on their guard.
So BE WARNED!!
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I must be lucky then, the contacts I've had through GR have all been nice ones who've shared their info with me. But I do get a bit fed up with the so-called 'hot matches' GR send, more often than not they're totally unconnected, surnames & dates may be right, but the birthplaces not..... :-\
Barbara
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I've contacted a couple of people here on Rootschat through the SIT and have had no replies.
It seems that lots of people join RootsChat, enter their names in the SIT, look around a bit, maybe even make a couple of postings . . . and then disappear.
This is probably true of other forums as well. Probably all the hype from WDYTYA and similar programs has encouraged people to "join" all sorts of forums, groups, clubs, societies, etc, but only a few of them then continue, the rest fall by the wayside, or "join" the latest 'in' thing or craze
(knitting chocolate fire guards, maybe ;D ;D )
... which means that there is information there, in the SIT, on GR, etc, but the posters don't respond to messages.
... or, to give them the benefit of the doubt:
unlike us addicts, some of them only look in sporadically at forums, etc, so they may reply later.
But to people who are looking every day, that is totally frustrating !!
And that the world is divided into Givers and Takers .. well, we all know that. ;D
Every group has it's share of GIVERS, TAKERS, and SHARERS, and fortunately, there seem to more SHARERS on RootsChat than on many other forums :) :)
Bob
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LOL Barbara
I don't know how many times I have now had to email back and say no my John Payne born 1844 was not born in Huntingdon, he was born in Lingfield! Why are they are searching for that one and not mine!!!!! :(
I've had some very good contacts through GR too, distant cousins who have turned out to be useful and I keep in contact with some of them.
Kerry
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I have found some good contacts from GR, having said that I have had several that were all take with nothing coming back :(
In one instance a contact bombarded me with emails and questions, again and again but gave me nothing only the person who was on my husbands tree. As I had helped her so much and knowing that she and her father visited the Essex Registry Office once a week to check what I had given her. I asked her to confirm a birth for me which she was not conected to. Guess what, surpise, surprise, I never heard from her again........but my research has been passed to others and is on her tree!!
We all live and learn!!!
Frances
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I can understand the frustration of having all your hard work & research passed on...
but then those 'takers' don't get all the satisfaction and excitement (not too strong a word I don't think) from poring over microfilms etc or straining your eyes on the internet and then hooray!! finding that particular someone you've been searching for for ages, we 'givers' definitely get all that and more from doing our own research
.. (sorry - just realised that sounds a bit smug) :-[
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I have to agree Ecneps, there is nothing like searching things for yourself. The thrill when you find the person, document or information you need is just wonderful. I cannot now do as much as I would like to, but oh, how I miss it. :(
I think those of us here in the UK are lucky though and we may take granted our ability to look for ourselves........if we want to and can afford to travel if required.
Quantity of names does not always equal quality.
Frances
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I think those of us here in the UK are lucky though and we may take granted our ability to look for ourselves........if we want to and can afford to travel if required.
Quantity of names does not always equal quality.
Frances
I totally agree Frances, sometimes we do take that ability for granted and I have no problem with a distant relative wherever they may be asking for help because they cannot just nip to the county records office but when I just get an email requesting to see my tree, I see red!!!!!
Kerry
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There are some excellent points already made that I agree with entirely.
I do think that some are very selfish takers, like Nick stated, who ask for information and give nothing in return, not even common curtesy. >:(
Personally, I have had some good contacts from GR, not so much with gaining loads of info I did not already have, but photographs of ancestors, that I could never have found. :D
If I know the connection is valid, I allow access and help all I can, but there are no living relatives on the GR tree. If communication goes beyond that, then email and additional info is given, only when I feel they can be trusted and it is genuine interest.
I believe true family historians are sharers and carers, there would not be so many look ups and offers of help or connections made otherwise. Others are just information gatherers, who are not bothered about sharing as they did not have the satisfaction of finding any.
Do not lose heart Nick I guess it is par for the course in this hobby, there will always be givers, takers, but many of us are sharers like yourself, and I know which I would rather be.
Cas
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I have found some of my research copied (including links I now know are suspect)
I don't think those people can get much satisfaction
Bob
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Ah, I confess, when I first started I couldn't give much (if anything) back - and I do sometimes go for weeks without checking my various boards...
That all said, I do like to get back to people - at the very least a "thank you, but that's not my rellie" or "That's excellent - can you tell me how you found that?"
The most frustrating thing for me (being new at this) is when someone finds something REALLY useful, but then never responds when you ask them how/where they found it! As you say, it's the research and the finding things out yourself which is the fun!
And, I'm looking forward to my holiday in November when my OH has finally agreed to drive me to a couple of archives! Woo! I'll be posting a (small) lookup offer in the relevant places. After all, I've had SO much help from here, it's only fair to offer it in return.
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I agree with the above
I have now removed my tree from GR, I will put it back but only my direct line. I have had one wonderful contact through GR and we shared info quite happily, but it annoys me when people ask for access and then don't share back.
I also don't like that fact that living people cannot be hidden, when I re upload I will put Grandparents upwards only
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I've only once not replied to a Genes contact. I was once contacted by a lady and shared everything I had. A couple of weeks later a man contacted me with loads of my rellies. When I checked it was just a straight rip off of the previous lady's tree, right down to incorrect spellings and minor inconsistencies. Avoided him like the plague and never heard another thing.
Bit spooky. Just after I said this last night, I was closing down my session and noticed I had received an e-mail from Genes.
It was only from this same man and it was just the "please give me access to your tree" request. After months of nothing, it was weird to receive it just when I'd been talking about him. Do you think his ears were burning? ;D
Just for the record, I have replied and offered help to specific questions, but no access to my tree. I think that's fair, don't you?
Sally
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Sally
I think that is more than fair. If you offer help and he comes back to you, fair enough and you can allow him access to your tree. But communicating is a two way street!!!!
Kerry
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Maybe he's a rootschatter...if so he'll know what he should do now
:)
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Maybe he's a rootschatter...if so he'll know what he should do now
:)
That DID cross my mind. ;D Ooops. ;D
Oh, well, we'll see what happens.
Sally
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are we not missing the point of GenesReunited is it not meant so we can build our tree and find contacts where we can share information!!!!! I have come across lots of relies on genes where we have shared information indeed some of those contacts I have recommended to this site ( gold star from Trystan). I know it can be frustrating when people just copy tree site. A good tip here is to privatize tree eg birthdays and personnel details of living people and I was pleased to see on a contacts site who had put me on there tree I was ten years younger as they had guessed my age
Jim
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Ancestry insist that all information on living individuals other than the family name is removed from family trees - e.g. "Living SMITH" - pity GR doesn't do the same!
Regards, Bill
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I am in the process of removing a lot of names from my tree because of the hot matches ::)
I used to open my tree for anyone that asked, but now only after contact by email. A few months ago my entire tree appeared in hot matches, including my husband's side who were of no relevance to the person concerned. I contacted this person and they did, after a time, remove the information.
Living relatives can be hidden. Go to "My Account Details", there is a box Hide Living Relatives Yes or No, putting Yes hides details of individuals born in the last 120 years with no death date, except yourself! When you open your tree you can still see them but anyone who has access to your tree can't.
Susan :)
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I've only once not replied to a Genes contact. I was once contacted by a lady and shared everything I had. A couple of weeks later a man contacted me with loads of my rellies. When I checked it was just a straight rip off of the previous lady's tree, right down to incorrect spellings and minor inconsistencies. Avoided him like the plague and never heard another thing.
Living members can be hidden
Jim
Bit spooky. Just after I said this last night, I was closing down my session and noticed I had received an e-mail from Genes.
It was only from this same man and it was just the "please give me access to your tree" request. After months of nothing, it was weird to receive it just when I'd been talking about him. Do you think his ears were burning? ;D
Just for the record, I have replied and offered help to specific questions, but no access to my tree. I think that's fair, don't you?
Sally
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sorry last replety came out wrong should have read you can hide details on living members of your tree
Jim
if everyone was to take there tree of GenesReunited the site would become pointless
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I agree with lots of the above ... I hate it when you get a 'match' and you send a guarded message, to see if there is a link ... and then you have to remember to UN-TICK the box lower down, to prevent whoever it is, seeing your tree without permission ... much better if the box wasn't pre-ticked !
I do know that I looked at a distant cousins tree on a Thursday; he had about 25 names on it, (with many inaccuracies !) I gave him permission to look at my tree (which I had only about 20 names on at that time ... including some errors) and they were added to his tree on Friday, complete with errors ;D and then by Saturday, he had about four or five hundred names ... goodness knows where from ... people I'd never heard of !
NEVER accept as accurate another persons research from GR ... say thank you and then check it yourself. NEVER let someone look at your stuff without cautiously establishing a valid link first.
Having said this, I can say that I have had two or three very useful contacts via GR, and we have exchanged info to our mutual benefits and become email friends, which is what its all about really !
Lydart
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Hi everyone
I received a message from a chap through GR last week requesting that I send him my family tree. I ignored his request & deleted the message. I felt terribly mean to do what I did! :-[ But I hadn't heard from this man for many months after our initial contact, he certainly never offered to share anything, & I've read so many negative stories recently that I don't bother with GR anymore.
Jayson
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Hi
Well how about this one then
I've got a Susan Jones who married Joe Bloggs. I believe you have a Susan Jones.
So what :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::)
Oh you want information?? Well sorry but my Susan Jones didn't marry Joe Bloggs, she married William Brown.
For goodness sake!!!
Kerry
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GR has its downside (notably the Not Matches), but I still think it's worth hanging in there! I keep a basic tree on GR with just BMD dates - no source info, photos, stories, or any of what makes it a real family history. I open my tree to proven cousins after exchanging messages, and if all a contact wants is the "bare bones", that's fine - I'm the only living person in the tree. If contacts turn out to be genuinely interested, we can exchange info by e-mail, and swap gedcoms (I always ask them specifically not to publish info about living rellies.)
Last week I entered details of a branch I'd been working on, and found 3 possible contacts: 2 turned out to be distant cousins with less info than me (one very grateful to have an extra generation!), but they haven't asked for more than the basic info. The third turned out to be only connected through marriage, but without me asking, he looked up the death dates and burial place of my ggg-grandparents which I didn't have - a very kind gesture.
Then I struck gold! I finally found a name from Dad's side of the family which looked possible, and I'm now in contact with second cousin once removed who is equally chuffed: we've exchanged gedcoms and old family photos, and he's been able to idenify a few "unknowns" on my photos.
So it was a really good week for the genealogy - I even had my first "hit" on Lost Cousins! (Not such a good week for the housework, though... ;D)
Rambler
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Rambler
That's great, you can always do the housework next week or the week after!!
I've just sorted all my certificates into clear plastic pockets into A4 folders. Phew. No genealogy this week though.
I have recently had 2 in particular really good contacts through GR who have taken me back generations and then between us we have started filling in gaps, it has been a lot of fun!
Kerry
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I have about 4 people who are distantly connected on my father's side and 1 good contact on my mum's.
At the moment I am in email discussion with GR as, when I view my full tree (using their new format) I have four full generations all born in the same year, or children born 100+ years before their parents ???.
Their software has completely screwed up my info, so I emailed them. They replied and I have had to send them a list of all that were incorrect and it was a good 2/3rds of my tree.
I am threatening to remove said tree and cancel my membership so they are trying to sort it out.
As has already been said, make sure you untick the tree access box before sending any messages.
I am guilty of sending "my Fred Bloggs...." emails but only if I think there may be a link and it usually says something like "GR has given me your Fred Bloggs as a hot match, Did he marry Fanny Adams/Were his parents Fred & Wilma Flintstone/Do they come from the middle of nowhere/etc. If so we may have a connection, if not I apologise for troubling you"
As the Hot Matches can be very vague, I look carefully at them before I send any message. So if you get one similar to the above and it's not one of yours - SORRY in advance ;D ;D
Dinie
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Sorry Dinie
I wasn't getting at anyone, just having a frustrating moment!!!
The trouble with email and texting is people are losing the ability to think before they type. When we sent letters to people in the past you had a certain format you followed and so a coherent letter was hopefully sent. The trouble with texting and email is we use so many abbreviations and everything is becoming so quick we are not sending emails that make any sense.
We know what it is we are wanting to say but we don't always communicate that.
I say we cos I'm as guilty as everyone else!
It's just frustrating getting emails like that, because I'm not telepathic ::) ::) ::)
Kerry
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I can't but agree!
I don't give out my tree to anyone unless they can prove there is a connection with me. I have no problem with sharing info with someone who is genuinely connected and having seen other family members pop up on GR I have either emailed or phoned them to tell them not to spend loads of £s on Scotland's People for records I already have and can easily email them.
I do make a point of replying to all messages and I get very annoyed when others don't make the same effort. How long does it take to send a quick email ?
I have used other folks tree info but have asked for their permission first and vice versa.
Alas there are still folks out there who think that genealogy is free! Suppose it is if they are plagarising other people's efforts.
I do find GR's Hot Matches irritating ! Occasionally useful tho.
Counting to 100 (10 never enough!)
Ann