RootsChat.Com
General => The Common Room => Topic started by: sallysmum on Monday 31 July 06 21:04 BST (UK)
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Joy of joys! I have just received a new contact thru GenesReunited who wishes to share info! Rellie wishes to exchange paper data via post. However I am a little hesitant about giving out my address. Can anyone give advice as to how to handle this without sounding non communicative but enthusiastic and keeping one's safety paramount.
Sallysmum
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hi Sallysmum :)
Perhaps you should firstly suggest that you email each other? If the person is accessing GR, then he/she probably has an email account.
Clara
ps I certainly wouldn't give out this info on a first contact.
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I agree strongly with Clara. You and your relative can exchange information via email. Only when you're completely happy that s/he is genuinely wanting to exchange rather than just grab whatever info you've got should you swap addresses.
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Hi
If you dont want to give out your address you could use post restante
http://www.postoffice.co.uk/portal/po/content1?mediaId=19100259&catId=19100180
I wouldn't want to give my postal address to a stranger but would be happy to let them send the envelope to my local post office using this system.
I did use this system years ago when travelling and it seemed to work well in most countries, the only country it was a bit hit and miss was Australia - Europe and Asia was fine though.
Hope this helps
lemon
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You would be quite at liberty to use e-mail to verify that this person is indeed a relative. If they prove to be related to you, most of your concerns will disappear. There are oh so many contacts given through GR who just happen to be similar but not your relations
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It's a difficult one Sallysmum. However, I would imagaine that the person is genuine but I'm not sure why he/she can't exchange info by E-Mail, unless they don't have a scanner, which would make it difficult.
Also, because of the nature of our hobby, it's not so difficult for someone to find out our addresses. We advertise ourselves on web pages - names, parents names, where we live, where we were born, our ages etc.
If you are sure it's a genuine relation then why not go for it as there may be a genuine reason for wanting to use your address.
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There are ways of putting your tree online with no hassle. I've done that not only with my own tree, but with several others. When you get a contact you can simply give them the website address. If they then come back, as they often do, with additions or corrections you can be sure they're genuine.
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Dear all
Many thanks for your advice. I have decided to correspond thru email and wait to see how things progress. I am probably being over cautious but one cannot be too sure. I think Wheeldon does have a very valid point however - by the very nature of our hobby, it would be very easy to trace an address etc.
Sallysmum
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Hi all
Just thought I would update you as to how this has gone - not well I'm afraid to report. I followed advice and gave him the option of using my personal email which he didn't. I corrected some of the info he had given me plus told him an amusing family anecdote. I asked him to share some of his family history.
I then requested to see his tree as I had opened up mine. I infact made 3 requests to view his tree which were ignored and finally after the initial enthusiasm of him wanting to share info, I have heard no more of him for nearly 2 weeks now. I have now closed his access to my tree
I feel rather let down but glad that I didn't give out my address - I wonder what he would have done with this info as he didn't make use of email.
Sallysmum
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Hi Sallysmum
Im so sorry that things didn't work out for you. I have found some really close relatives on GR. I do e-mail them for a while first. Once i have made sure they are genuine i exchange address's and telephone numbers. I have in fact spent hours on the phone to Australia to my 2nd cousin. And he has phoned me several times too. I have also found my aunt and my dads cousin.
Obviously the person you had contact with was only out for any information that they could get. I'm pleased you have now closed your tree to them and no longer have contact.
Please don't give up on it though. I have been a member of that site since it was opened (just about), but it did take me a while to find connections. Remember not all people are like that. There is some wonderful people out there who are willing to help each other as much as possible.
Good luck with your research
Best wishes
Pauline
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Thankyou for your good wishes
Wendy
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There are some very strange people out there, but my experience of contact with a distant relative has been a very positive one so dont give up. Its worth it if you do meet someone you can work together with.
Linda.
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An interesting sidelight on this topic. I've just made contact, through GR, with a very distant relative, and agreed to give him access to my tree on the basis that he would only lift the stuff on his direct line. I asked him what his sources were for a marriage I didn't have, and he said that all his information came from someone else so he didn't know what the sources were! There's a real danger here, with so much information being passed around, that sources cease to exist. I know we all check things religiously ;D but not everybody does.
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So sorry Sallysmum - put it down to experience :-\
I agree Suttontrust. It's brilliant when we make contacts but the trick is to allways check and re-check other peoples research otherwise you could end up on totaly the wrong track. Also, log all your sources, I got over excited when I first started to research and although I'm 99% sure of all the names on my tree (there's not that many) I'm having a terrible time re-tracing my steps and logging all my sources :-[
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Hi, just been doing a search on if people give out their home addresses to new contacts, and only came across this one!
A cousin of my granny has been in touch, with some great information. he is from a second marriage and didn't know about his grandfather's first marriage (the line I'm from). We've been emailing all weekend and he has sent photographs through and a scroll which is fab. As we know, photographs are great, but it also turns out that our joint connection - his grandfather and my GG Grandfather was in a movie (very small part but he talks!) and he is going to get a copy taken and send it to me. Of course this means me giving out my address and I'm unsure. He is genuine (I'm sure!) but I'm unsure if I should give him my home or work address as it is early days still. As previous comments have mentioned home addresses can be tracked down anyway.
Am I just being too cautious? He did send me an email from his work today so I know where he is and he is high up in the company - and yes I did google the company and his name and got matches just to be nosey!
Advise greatly appreciated!
Sharon
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Sharon
It sounds like this new contact could be genuine, however if you are unsure about giving out you address perhaps it could be sent to you c/o your local post office.
That way he could be sure it goes to the right person and you will still keep your address unknown to him.
Jean
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It's a very personal thing, so I'm not giving advice exactly, but I don't think it would worry me unduly. Anyone who wants to can look up my address in the phone book.
I was wondering what the fears of giving out addresses are? The only ones I can think of are junk mail advertisers (and it's a bit of a tortuous way of getting an address just for that) or stalkers of some sort. I do follow what everyone has said so far about establishing email contact first, but once they've been prepared to send information, particularly photos, I don't think I'd hesitate. If things can't easily be sent by email, it's perfectly reasonable to send them by post.
Just my thoughts..... feel free to ignore ;D
Angela
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I find GR contacts are very unreliable - not sure why though, but every person I've connected with via there has been a bit of a let down.
Tracing my Evans family (a joy in South Wales) came up with an unexpected message from a GR contact - turns out that a distant cousin had just started tracing their mother's side.
They asked me if I was related to X, Y and Z (who were not on my tree, but were part of the family), so it did confirm this was the correct person.
Opened both trees up for each other - they had very little info that I didn't (in comparison to all my names and dates!), and then never replied to another message.
I'm unsure whether their subscription had lapsed, or they simply were not interested in exchanging further info once they had what I had posted (which wasn;t half of what I had at home!) - their loss
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Like you, halfasheep, I'm finding GR a complete waste of time.
One would expect corresponding through GR would make the whole business of exchanging details, however small, easier but for some reason people either can't be bothered or more selfishly perhaps they've decided that the contents communicated don't add to already established facts, (usually obtained from others!), and so ignore that contact all the time waiting for a bigger catch to appear with a juicy tit-bit they haven't got and reel them in accordingly.
I've laughed endlessly at some of the terse replies I've received other the years such as "Yes I'm descended from him too" with no other explanation or information.
But for every negative story I am sure there are those who can testify to finding a "perfact contact" who sends masses of information without strings attached. Wish they'd send some my way . . .
Jayson ;)
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I'm always happy to provide my info in the misguided hope that some will come my way - only once I struck lucky with my Irish Whitty family - there is a ''clan'' website, and on the off-chance I e-mailed what little I knew in the hope that they may have at the very least a birth record.
Turns out the person who runs the site is good friends with some unknown cousins of mine, passed my details on, and a massive exchange of info (as well as a few holidays together!) has come to pass.
Very, very rare exception - however, I can wholeheartedly say I've had tremendous luck with Rootschat, whether it's locating people who are related to in-laws, or just good people who are prepared to help out for no reason other than they can
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It goes to show that for one positive experience there are ten bad ones or perhaps more! But with regard to Rootschat, I couldn't agree with you more. Although I would say that perhaps some on RC have a tendency to take the subject a bit too seriously!
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Oh definately, but if they didn't I'd never have some of the connections that I do ;D
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Thanks for this, I've decided just to give him my work address. I'm sure he is genuine and probably a really nice guy. The reason I hesitated is because I live on my own and I am ex directory so maybe being too cautious. I may send him a Christmas card with my home address, see how things go as it's only been a few days we've been in touch rather than weeks!
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I'm sure he isn't an axe murderer, Sharon. ;D Joking aside, please don't be in too much of a rush with giving personal information.
Jayson
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I've been in touch with lots of 2nd, 3rd and 4th cousins I found on GR and got lots of info and photos from them. I've only met one though, as I had no reason to go to the area where most of the others live.
Have to say, most of them were quite happy to believe, as I did, that we were genuine. The one I've met was much more cautious as she had had a bad experience with GR. We e-mailed for quite some time, me giving her snippets of info and she throwing names my way to see if I recognised them. Once she was happy that I was connected to her family, her g.gran is my g.aunt, she was happy to give me her address and she, too, has sent me loads of photos that her father had.
Lizzie
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Well, I've had a great time on GR. As an only child of only-child parents, I didn't have much idea of relations - lots of people I called Aunt and Uncle, but they weren't actually related (1950's protocol of calling adult friends of parents A & U). I've now made contact with and met cousins from three of my four lines, and all through GR and who I would never have met otherwise. However, I don't open my tree to people - there's not a lot of information on it anyway. I always contact first via GR and then by e-mail. And, I've been to South Africa as a result of GR, plus I'm off to Australia next year and have the offer of accommodation from a distant relative, again met via GR. So I don't knock it, only the Hot Matches which usually aren't ;D
BumbleB
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I'm sure he isn't an axe murderer, Sharon. ;D Joking aside, please don't be in too much of a rush with giving personal information.
Jayson
Hope not! But there again I have already found a murderer in the family so is it possible to have two?!!!